[njmom3]

I expected middle age would be a time of declining libido. What I've found, though, is exactly the opposite - the older I get, the stronger my sexual desire grows. It started when I was in my early 40s, and I thought then that it was because my children were getting older - needing me less, leaving me more energy for sex. But it has just kept getting stronger, and now as I hit 50 I'm wondering if it's something physical - some hormonal change that accompanies perimenopause.

My husband, of course, is delighted. We're having wonderful sex, some of the best ever. But as my temperature has been heating up, his has been cooling down. We've had a complete role reversal. It used to be that he always wanted more sex than I did, and he ended up masturbating a lot. Now, I'm the one who wants it more, and I'm the one who's masturbating. I probably masturbate as much now as I did when I was a teenager. I rarely go to sleep without an orgasm - through intercourse maybe twice a week, through masturbation on all the other nights. Arousal sometimes even sneaks up on me at work, and I slip off to the bathroom for a quickie.

I've asked my two older sisters about this, and one has had a similar experience, though not to the same degree. It's come up in conversation with several of my friends, with similarly mixed results. So what I'd like to know is whether other women have felt a similar surge? Is this one of the hidden benefits of middle age that no one ever tells you about?

[Colorado]

I don't think its odd at all, and the same has been happening to my wife - however, the difference is I can stay up with her ( and no, I'm not stroking my ego).

I've answered a few posts with similar topics/concerns, and I will tell you the same thing.
As a guy gets older Testosterone production decreases, thus sexual desire decreases; BUT, it sould not decrease to the point where the is no desire at all (doesn't sound like your situation). Now, one thing I would suggest EVERY guy over 35 get done is a testosterone test. Why? Because, I found out the hard way (or soft way, as it was), and almost lost my wife because of it. Our sex life went straight down the crapper very quickly, and to make a long story shorter, it turned out that I had low-t (low testosterone). Its normal to have a decrease, but not like I had. Then when the wife was looking for a little, and all I felt was tired, that really started to frustrate her, understandably so. Anyhow, I got tested after talking with my doc, and having her prescribe test for me. Now, I'm like a teen again, and my drive is as good as hers! ...and please note that low-t can cause many more worse problems than low sex drive - I had low bone density and the test brought it all back to normal!

Sheesh, hope that wasn't too long an explanation, and seriously, people differ - for some, twice a week is more than enough. Maybe that's just his body's most efficient schedule between sex and rest - nothing wrong with that as long as he meets your needs as well. It may not be via intercourse - maybe he can just help you get off in other ways when he is tired; still lots of fun to be had.

[WildChild]

njmom
I've generally had a high drive but as I get more mature it has increased. I know quite a few women that have had the same experience and some who have decreased.

[skirt99]

This is so nice to know that there are other women out there who masturbate as much as I do. I have to admit that this has been a problem at work. Just the smell of aftershave and yes, sometimes perfume can get me wet. And like njmom, I head to the ladies room. My vibe is out almost every day when I get home from work.

[WildChild]

Wouldn't be lovely to find a man who can keep up and would actually like to share this?

[jns]

I don't think its odd at all, and the same has been happening to my wife - however, the difference is I can stay up with her ( and no, I'm not stroking my ego).

I've answered a few posts with similar topics/concerns, and I will tell you the same thing.
As a guy gets older Testosterone production decreases, thus sexual desire decreases; BUT, it sould not decrease to the point where the is no desire at all (doesn't sound like your situation). Now, one thing I would suggest EVERY guy over 35 get done is a testosterone test. Why? Because, I found out the hard way (or soft way, as it was), and almost lost my wife because of it. Our sex life went straight down the crapper very quickly, and to make a long story shorter, it turned out that I had low-t (low testosterone). Its normal to have a decrease, but not like I had. Then when the wife was looking for a little, and all I felt was tired, that really started to frustrate her, understandably so. Anyhow, I got tested after talking with my doc, and having her prescribe test for me. Now, I'm like a teen again, and my drive is as good as hers! ...and please note that low-t can cause many more worse problems than low sex drive - I had low bone density and the test brought it all back to normal!

Sheesh, hope that wasn't too long an explanation, and seriously, people differ - for some, twice a week is more than enough. Maybe that's just his body's most efficient schedule between sex and rest - nothing wrong with that as long as he meets your needs as well. It may not be via intercourse - maybe he can just help you get off in other ways when he is tired; still lots of fun to be had.

Testosterone can be decreased by cholesterol lowering drugs such as Zocor, simvastatin, Lipitor or atorvastatin. Search on statin, testosterone, libido. You will get a hits for a study reported on in April.

[Colorado]

Appreciate the response jns, but all is good now that I have the test therapy going - like a teen again, and loving it!

Just letting others know that there are sometimes "other" things that lead to a loss of libido in guys.

[njmom3]

My husband seems content with the way things have been going. He enjoys the sex we do have together, which is very good indeed. He says it's enough, and he hasn't pursued any methods of stirring his libido at all. Nor have I pressed him to. What's been interesting about my midlife surge is how much I've come to enjoy the orgasms I give myself. I've always masturbated, but it was mostly about relief from sexual tension - during the the awakening horniness of adolescence, and the dry spells of adulthood. I usually did it because I had to more than because I wanted to. Now I still do it because I have to - these urges are pretty powerful - but I also find that I really want to, too. I don't regard it any longer as a substitute for something else, but as a deep pleasure of its own. I don't simply resign myself to masturbating; I look forward to it. My husband sometimes joins me, and those are some of the best orgasms, as he kisses and caresses me while I masturbate myself. But I also love the times when I head upstairs early, and can indulge myself alone.