[jm433]

Don't really know where to start but I suppose the meat of the issue's in the title.
I am a very sexual person. I desire sex and think about sex a lot of the time - some days it will be pretty much the only thing on my mind. My inability to be turned on is definitely not through lack of sexual drive or desire. I orgasm frequently, but only by myself. As many as 7 or 8 times in about 20 minutes yesterday, yet when it comes to the real thing not only can I not orgasm, I cannot feel a spark, or a thing for that matter.
I have been turned on, fully and intensely, once in my life when I was 15. I still remember it being the best feeling in the world. Said person then up and left to a different country and since then i've had, at the very most, mild tingles for people.
The only other significant event I can think of happened before all of this, when I was pretty young, before i'd even developed a sexuality. My best friend and I saw a sex scene on television and fumbled around a bit trying to replicate what we saw because the people on screen seemed to be enjoying it (cringey I know), in a totally non-sexual way, mind - we were just silly young curious children. After it happened I felt fundamentally wrong and I developed a strong guilt complex. Then when I started discovered masterbating at age 10, I felt horrible levels of guilt and always tried to stop myself.. for years. Then eventually at about 14 I got over it and accepted it was fine. So yeah.. I dunno. Now I'm pretty comfortable with my sexuality to be honest, so I can't see that it would be any of that causing this.
It's weird because I get so very into people, and when it happens (it being making out/sex), nothing. I am cold, and nothing can seem to turn me back on. Might as well just make out with walls. I consider myself bisexual and have tried with both sexes, but rarely to any avail, although i'd say my preference is women. I am a 20 year old healthy female, and I am desperate to regain the ability to feel to the full level so I can enjoy life to the full and actually have a good relationship.
Is it possible that i'm just really, really fussy? My friends always say I tend to go for people way under my league, but I doubt it could be as superficial as that. I hope not anyway. Is it possible it is a sexual disfunction that can be treated with drugs? Or do I have to go to therapy and talk out all that cringy childhood stuff?
Thanks for any input.

[lizzardb63]

Maybe you're thinking about it too much and are psyching yourself out. You can't get super turned on, even with foreplay?

[jns]

Don't really know where to start but I suppose the meat of the issue's in the title.
I am a very sexual person. I desire sex and think about sex a lot of the time - some days it will be pretty much the only thing on my mind. My inability to be turned on is definitely not through lack of sexual drive or desire. I orgasm frequently, but only by myself. As many as 7 or 8 times in about 20 minutes yesterday, yet when it comes to the real thing not only can I not orgasm, I cannot feel a spark, or a thing for that matter.
I have been turned on, fully and intensely, once in my life when I was 15. I still remember it being the best feeling in the world. Said person then up and left to a different country and since then i've had, at the very most, mild tingles for people.
The only other significant event I can think of happened before all of this, when I was pretty young, before i'd even developed a sexuality. My best friend and I saw a sex scene on television and fumbled around a bit trying to replicate what we saw because the people on screen seemed to be enjoying it (cringey I know), in a totally non-sexual way, mind - we were just silly young curious children. After it happened I felt fundamentally wrong and I developed a strong guilt complex. Then when I started discovered masterbating at age 10, I felt horrible levels of guilt and always tried to stop myself.. for years. Then eventually at about 14 I got over it and accepted it was fine. So yeah.. I dunno. Now I'm pretty comfortable with my sexuality to be honest, so I can't see that it would be any of that causing this.
It's weird because I get so very into people, and when it happens (it being making out/sex), nothing. I am cold, and nothing can seem to turn me back on. Might as well just make out with walls. I consider myself bisexual and have tried with both sexes, but rarely to any avail, although i'd say my preference is women. I am a 20 year old healthy female, and I am desperate to regain the ability to feel to the full level so I can enjoy life to the full and actually have a good relationship.
Is it possible that i'm just really, really fussy? My friends always say I tend to go for people way under my league, but I doubt it could be as superficial as that. I hope not anyway. Is it possible it is a sexual disfunction that can be treated with drugs? Or do I have to go to therapy and talk out all that cringy childhood stuff?
Thanks for any input.

Have you ever been in love? I, too, think you are psyching yourself out. If you were in a love relationship where you surrendered yourself to your lover and your lover was adventurous and patient and wanted you to experience mind blowing orgasms, then you would probably not have a problem. Try relaxing and letting yourself surrender to the situation, but make sure it is with a good lover. Communicate what you are feeling.

[WildChild]

Sounds like you may not be as over the guilt as you think you are. Some counseling with a sex positive therapist may help.

[jm433]

I don't think i'm psyching myself out, i'm pretty open to experience.. it's possible maybe that I expect too much.
wildchild - yeah, I think i'm gonna do that. Probably go to the docs first as see if there's any hormonal problemo he thinks he could tamper with, but if not it's most likely something I'll need to talk out. The human mind is a strange thing indeed.

[Jimbeau]

Do you feel bad because you think you should be feeling this for a guy? You shouldn't. I had a woman friend who thought she was bisexual but never found relationships with men satisfying. She finally fell in love with another woman and they've been together now for about 20 years. Perhaps you'll be more likely to find that spark with someone of your own gender and so need to be more open to it.

What do you think about when you masturbate? Perhaps that will give you some clues about what you're not finding in real life.

[jm433]

Do you feel bad because you think you should be feeling this for a guy? You shouldn't. I had a woman friend who thought she was bisexual but never found relationships with men satisfying. She finally fell in love with another woman and they've been together now for about 20 years. Perhaps you'll be more likely to find that spark with someone of your own gender and so need to be more open to it.

What do you think about when you masturbate? Perhaps that will give you some clues about what you're not finding in real life.

I appreciate the input but no, not remotely do I feel bad. I live in the gayest place in the uk and have never been ashamed of my preference for women. I've had relationships with women and came a lot closer to feeling anything than in my relationships with guys, so i'm pretty happy and accepting of my sexual preference.