[jordanh]

itsasecret - i don't know anything about localized inflammation, but can it last for two+ years? because that's how long this has been going on.
bellalla - the fingers thing doesn't work, a) because it doesn't hurt when he uses one or even two fingers and b) two fingers is still smaller than the average penis and def smaller than my boyfriends. he does go slowly, he stops when i tell him to, he knows that it always hurts me. he'll pause and let me "take my moment" to breathe and relax my muscles as best i can. it's definitely not him being insensitive. i mean, if it's not medical, i think it's the fact that all my experiences with sex have been painful that now i just expect it to be painful, so without even realizing it i'm tensing up my muscles and contracting so much that it hurts. and then once its in its like "kay, now you can go on with having sex with no pain." until the next time we're about to have sex. the mental inability to relax does not explain the tearing, though. unfortunately.
wildchild (and itsasecret) - i'm pretty sure it's not the type of lube, because i've used different types as well as not using lube. i don't remember what lube my ex used, but i can guess it was a sort of KY, which is the brand i'm using with my boyfriend now.

i think i could live with the losing-my-virginity-every-time thing, if i would just stop tearing. but i guess i wont stop tearing until i 'loosen up' (pun intended).

[ItsASecret]

itsasecret - i don't know anything about localized inflammation, but can it last for two+ years? because that's how long this has been going on.

Technically yes. It would just be your immune system causing a slight swelling (sometimes not even noticeable) which then causes irritation and the pain. Only a doctor could check for this type of thing.

Though it sounds more like you are just expecting there to be pain and low and behold there is pain. The way to get around this is doing it a lot not expecting it to turn into some magical fantastical sex session. You will need to first be able to handle even the slightest things like the fingers, just him putting his penis in you and so on.

The suggestion about the different lube was just thrown out there because you can have the water, oil, silicone, or some organic based type lubricants that can all cause irritation to some women.

[Pixied]

Hi I think the points every one is making on relaxing is the best thing to do. Maybe u cnt completely relax ur muscles coz all that's on ur mind is the pain that u expecting to come. Maybe if you take charge and tell him what to do where to touch and how to touch and at what speed. With me and my boyfriend we take turns at taking charge. I also can have very painful sex but I realised little things that are nice and I concentrated on those nice things. Also I went to a meating once and a lovely lovely excercise u can try (with lube) is have foreplay in the beginning (either u telling him what to do or he's telling u what he's doing) and only stop just before u cum then move to doggy style and he must go shallow for 5 times (slowly) (u must be stimulating urself at the same time) and then go a LITTLE BIT deeper for 5 times (only go deeper when u feel like u wana cum) and do that till he's right inside then when he's fully in tell him to swing it around inside (staying deep) and then slowly move in and out while swinging and once u are ready to come and he's ready to cum (must both be ready) then tell him to go for it and finnish off. U'll only start noticing a difference in about 3 weeks if done everyday for the first week and a half then every second day. Did u ask the Dr if mayb u have a small opening? I know some girls and Dr's look past it.

[jordanh]

pixied - i've tried doggy style before (with a previous boyfriend it was amazing) but unfortunately with this boyfriend, he's... well, too big! in a doggy style position the very back of the opening to my vagina will tear and while that's only slightly irritating during sex, it's ridiculously irritating and painful after. it'll sting, i'll bleed everywhere, and the enjoyment of having sex that way is almost not worth it. i know i need to relax and i try so hard, but that only seems to make it worse.

the only suggestion (other than switching up lube) that could work if it's just me and not a medical problem, would be experimenting with different sizes of dildos. fingers don't help at all - because being fingered does NOT hurt, even with two fingers. i hardly notice one finger being put in at all, and it certainly doesn't cause ANY kind of pain. but even after extensive foreplay including two fingers, to go from that to his penis still is so painful, as it has been for everyone.

at least since i'm having some menstrual cycle problems, we have a bit of a break from sex so maybe we can talk about some different strategies.

[Pixied]

I'm sorry to hear u going through so much trouble. U can also do this style I'm missionary, just means ur nf is gonna have to work harder. Have u tried going for sexual massages? Cnt remember the xact term for that type of massaging. Its very popular I hear. Maybe ur vag up to ur cervix cnt stretch wich will cause the tearing. The xcercises I wrote dnt have to be in any specific style and doesn't need to end up with full penetration if it gets to painful. Just doing the stretching xcercises will help to stretch the skin inside. It will take a longer time if ur skin stretchiness is the prob. But let me knw if u try that and how it goes, just take it slowly coz u stretching skin. Hope it goes well!