[sammi1991]

I met a guy that i sort of like, but am just out of a long time relationship so i don't want anything serious. So one night I was a little drunk and just decided to go home with him. He was very lovely about the whole thing but it was very awkward. He was sweating before anything started, he wouldnt look at me or kiss me during, he got up during and paced around and just in general he was freaking out! I put this down to it been the first time with us and me been drunk. So i thought i'd go back for a second time after we went out for dinner one night. Much the same, it was just disappointing and awkward. He took forever to really get into it so i thought he didnt want to but he wouldnt let me leave and it's weird, when he's on top he looks up to the corner of the room and not at me =[

Am i bad in bed? Or does he not find me attractive? I like the boy and want to try again but think i need better preparation this time. Help please!

[Guest]

Ask him if he finds you attractive. If he says that he does, then ask him why does he appear so uncomfortable? And what's with the staring off into space (or at least the corner of your room)?

As for "Am I bad in bed?"...Has this type of thing ever happened before? I doubt it, so the answer is no. A LOT of men, despite what their egos tell them, or what they want to believe about themselves, really do suck in bed. We have such high expectations for ourselves and when we don't perform up to those expectations (since most of the time they are unattainable) we feel like we've failed and that freaks us out.

Unreal expectations of oneself are really hard to accept especially in bed.

Have you given him signals; moans, groans, body language or simply told him when something feels good? That might help. Don't be afraid to teach/tell him what it is that YOU desire in bed and how you want to receive it. Most men want to satisfy their partners. We take great joy in doing so.

As they say...the third time's a charm! wink!

[WildChild]

Sounds like he has some issues. The sweating is probably nerves. Not looking at you, not wanting to kiss - big red flags. Getting up and pacing around - weird.
How old are the two of you?
How long have you known each other?
Had you previously done any making out before you got drunk and decided to go for it?
What do you mean he wouldn't let you leave?

My guess - he's a virgin.
TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS. Don't just go getting back into bed with him thinking that may fix it.
If you still want him, slow it down. Way down. Start with hand holding 101 and then light touching, then kissing. Let the kissing get built up to something that gets you both very hot and bothered. Then you can move into exploratory touching. Leave intercourse out of it until you can both pleasure each other using your hands. You will have to gently guide this and be the teacher. Males aren't born knowing any more about sex than females but they are conditioned to think they should somehow be super studs right out of the stall. If you can approach this without him getting defensive and teach him, you will be doing both of you a great favor and any women he interacts with in the future will owe you a debt of gratitude.

[Ashlee T.]

Lack of experience maybe? Pressuring himself to "perform"? Freaking out a bit in his own mind therefore unable to really enjoy whats going on or appreciate your beauty because he's too focused on staying hard, making the right movements, doing it "by the book" so to speak?

I think if you're going to continue sleeping with him, you're going to need to take charge. Initiate the sex, take charge, get on top and let him lay back and enjoy. Maybe this will help relieve some of his pressure if that's whats causing it.

[Colorado]

My guess - he's a virgin.
TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS. Don't just go getting back into bed with him thinking that may fix it.
If you still want him, slow it down. Way down. Start with hand holding 101 and then light touching, then kissing. Let the kissing get built up to something that gets you both very hot and bothered. Then you can move into exploratory touching. Leave intercourse out of it until you can both pleasure each other using your hands. You will have to gently guide this and be the teacher. Males aren't born knowing any more about sex than females but they are conditioned to think they should somehow be super studs right out of the stall. If you can approach this without him getting defensive and teach him, you will be doing both of you a great favor and any women he interacts with in the future will owe you a debt of gratitude.

BINGO! (Give that lady a cigar!)

Either a Virgin or VERY inexperienced.
Seems to me that he is soooo uncomfortable with himself, that he doesnt know what to do with himself.
Heres a hint in addition to what the others have suggested: Communication. Try spending some time getting into the nitty gritty (use it as a foreplay thing), and get him talking about it. When you feel that he has calmed down, delicately ask about his starting into space, and tell him how much you would like to stare into each others eyes during this most intimate moment and that it would mean so much to you.

I don't always believe that anyone should have to be coddled, but if this is in fact what the situation is (virgin) he may need some mild coddling, and encouragement. Once he gets over being "the new kid on the block", he should open up on his own fairly quickly. If he doesnt, then there may be more to it; and you cant/shouldnt spend all your time trying to stroke his ego. Give it a couple times trying, but certainly have your limits - you don't need to be a babysitter with him.

[jordanh]

in my experience, even men who are virgins or aren't very good in bed don't know. men tend to have a large ego about their sex skills because we placate it so much and pretend to orgasm just to get it over with.

it could be that he's gay? i mean, it's not uncommon for gay men to still be able to get hard and have sex with women even if they aren't sexually attracted to them.

[sammi1991]

I'm 19 and he's 23, i know for sure he's not a virgin - a key reason i was attracted to him was because a friend of mine heard from his ex girlfriend that he was amazing. We've known each other for about 6months, and we had been out and done the cutesy hand holding, kissing, dating thing before we got into bed.

[WildChild]

I'm 19 and he's 23, i know for sure he's not a virgin - a key reason i was attracted to him was because a friend of mine heard from his ex girlfriend that he was amazing. We've known each other for about 6months, and we had been out and done the cutesy hand holding, kissing, dating thing before we got into bed.

Either he was different with her or she has really low standards for amazing.
Talk to him and if there is no change, say good bye.