[pea]

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, for the first month of our relationship we had a active sex life, still not as vibrant as some but good enough; however after this month he stopped initiating sex and started to fall asleep during sex. The attention he paid to me during foreplay was minimal and 'school boy like' he went from understanding a womans body to not even finding my clit aty times.
Sex was always quick and fast and never gave me a chance to enjoy myself - he thought that this was ok though as I have never yet had a orgasim and so this made me 'unable to cum' and therefore there was little effort to try and help achieve this.
Soon after his interest died i began to give up trying, I was fed up of him falling asleep during sex and giving me the least amount of attention possible or leaving it for me to do all the work, His attention to me became so dire that I had to get myself and him 'prepared' for sex.

Now from the first week of our relationship he was being unfaithful. Within 5 days of us getting together he had downloaded a picture of a previous girl he had liked and then turned porn and and placed her in the 'position' of the female. After this there were occassions where he had added random girls on networking sites and asked them for photos and flirted with them. Unfortunatly I happened to find all this out, however stayed with him and still tried my best to please him sexually.
His masturbating got to the stage where he would actually get out of bed in the morning and not look at me and then get in my shower in my bedroom and relieve himself whilst he thought i slept.
I have asked him before to stop watching the porn as i feel this affects our sex life strongly as he is not able to make love to me but we have to replicate the films that he watches in order to forfill his needs.
He told me that he had stopped watching the porn and had not masturbated and told me this for 4 months, within this time we had sex 3 times; he often tells me he is too tired for sex or that he is not in the mood but then will go home and masturbate. He admitted the other day to masturbating both with and without porn the whole way through the 4 months and continiously lied to my face when i asked him if he was.
He feels that it is my fault for his lacking in sex drive towards me as i stress him out and i dont turn him on. However he was the one that cheated in the begining and fell asleep during the sex etc etc etc.
I am at my witts end in my relationship now as I am happily pregnant - with his child.
However am NEVER being satisfied by him and am constantly being blammed for our sex life as well as everything else in out relationship.
I feel he has a serious problem with sex, lieing, porn and commitment.
Opinions desperatly seeked.
Am hanging onto a dead relationship (or so it feels)
Is it all my fault?

[jns]

It is not your fault. He is lazy and selfish. Guys usually do not change. If you have the baby with him around, things will probably get worse. You can do a lot better. What is your financial situation and what is your family situation? Do you have somewhere to go?

[PandaPaws]

He sounds like a complete a-hole. You said he "downloaded a picture of a previous girl he had liked and then turned porn and and placed her in the 'position' of the female. After this there were occassions where he had added random girls on networking sites and asked them for photos and flirted with them." NOT acceptable!!!! He is not respecting you. Jerk. Pi$$es me off just thinking about it.
And now he turns to porn? And he lies to you? You're not even satisfied when he does grace you with his penis so to speak... I'm not seeing a reason to stay with this douche bag. Even a baby is not worth staying, you can find someone better.

[kristalyn_04]

I agree with above posters. If he's masturbating over porn, then he DOES have a sex drive, he's just being lazy and has no consideration for your needs, and it's absolutely not your fault. Move on, find a man that will give you everything you need and deserve.

[Texinator]

Is it all my fault?

Not at all. It's his for wanting to masturbate to two dimensional images of digitally and surgically enhanced bimbos instead of making love to a real woman. Either he's afraid of emotional intimacy or just plain selfish.

[Ashlee T.]

This guy doesn't love you. When you love someone you want them to be pleased and make just about any effort you can to make that happen. He's selfish and lazy. He leaves you unsatisfied and feeling like something is wrong with you while he deprives you sexually and masturbates to other women. How is that okay? He cares more about "having a girlfriend" than he does about a genuine happy loving relationship. I'm sure you're not perfect, none of us are (except the white witch ) but are you at fault for his immature selfish self centered degrading deceitful behavior? Absolutely not. Your fault, is the fact that you are still in this relationship and you're trying to make something work that never really existed to begin with. You deserve someone that wants to be with you, wants to please you, loves and cherishes you. He is not the one. Time to cut your ties and get off the dead end road.

[LCitsonlybuisness]

He sounds like a right ! if my bf was like this he would get a swift kick up the and told to **** off might be easier said then done tho.
Their is better out their for you tho, believe that. Just get rid and look for some1 who makes you happy all round.

But if all else fails get a dildo ;-)

[Hopeless Dork]

Sit down and tell him what you want from him to feel loved, special, wanted... and happy in this relationship. Don't yell, don't blame, don't accuse and don't use the porn as a scapegoat (what he is masturbating over is besides the point, if you focus on that he will miss the bigger issue). The bigger issue being... you want to be close to the man you are committed to.. and he is ignoring that.

Be honest, tell him that you want him, that if he has sexual energy ... you want him to spend it WITH you. A guy may be tired, he may be stressed, etc... but if he wasn't jacking off every day -- he'd find the energy for sex. But meanwhile he's doing that, sure he'll have a low drive because his drive is already satiated. That would be great and fine if he were single, if he were with a woman that didn't want to give/get pleasure to/from him. But that being the case... him ignoring you sexually to only take care of himself is selfish, and the act of a single guy who doesn't care about what his partner wants/ needs from him.

And that is what is really at play here. So talk to him, try to find out whats keeping him from wanting to experience that pleasure with you. Is he worried about performance? Does he feel like you need some big production every time you guys have sex? Are you guys on different 'interest' schedules, like he wants it in the morning, you want it at night? What compromises could be made... is it possible for him to save himself when he has the need to do it... to let it build so that he is ALL over you the next time your together?

There is a reason he is not having sex with you, and its not a sex drive issue if he is still masturbating. The biggest thing here would be finding out what that reason is, if its something you guys can worth through...etc. But if he knows you want him, doesn't care, prefers to get himself off and ignore you... you will have to see the bigger picture as far as if he really cares about you as much as he might say.

[stressed]

BD got it right. It doesn't look like he loves you. The man who really loves you also wants you physically, cares about your pleasure, your needs, your wants. It happens automatically. He doesn't. He seems to love "being in a relationship" more than you. It's not your fault. You can't read his mind. But don't expect this to change. He will make you even more unhappy in the long run.

He only blames you because he cannot take the responsibility of being with someone he doesn't love and getting her pregnant. If you want to keep the baby you must ask your family for support. I'd also assume that his attitude is the same in and outside the bedroom. Don't expect him to change, he won't. Ever.

[vancityguy]

i have a friend who did this to a girl he was with...i ased him why they dont have sex all that much cause iknow the dude watches a ton of porn ....what happened was that he was more comfortable with watching porn and didnt have to worry about making the woman satisfied...all in all, for him, it was just "easier" he literally got used to the feelin of his hand more than a wet warm glorious vagina...i wouldnt worry about it personally...its his default that he has to deal with...my advice....go find yourself a sexual stimulating partner and enjoy yourself!