[CHANDLERS WISH]

One question CW; so you do believe that I changed my pattern? Because as I told in one of the posts, I never stopped being romantic or saying cute stuff to her. I continued buying things for her. One of the reason I work out a lot is to keep my body in shape for her. As for her, I don't want to say she is fat(she isn't), but she did gain some weight on her belly, but she can only laugh about it.

She tells me that I think sex is soo important and that I always think about that OR she says that she wants the next time be really special and wants to be totally home alone and stuff.

When we hang out at my place, she does get horny sometimes. We would kiss really sexy and stuff, but thats all. If i start squeezing her boobs or trying to get down on her, she will push me away and smile at me.

She wants the romance back... She is horny but doesn't want sex....I know your 19, and hormones go wild But, I think that, she wants romance...to feel as she did when she met you...

I did want to try to sort of take her away and not tell her where we go, and end up to go to my place, but im scared that she will say something like: ohhh baby im really tired right now...

She made it clear by her actions see above, and also her words, "her place, alone"....so your right, she'll reject that notion..

Once I asked her sister the keys, and I went into her room, put up candles in her name, and then I-Love-You. She loved that sooo much, she was like: ''I just can't let you go, I have to marry you''. And ofcourse I had a couple more of romantic stuff that I did for her. And if I look back, I can only remember one thing that she did, and that was, she bought a sexy set, and planned to have sex and wore that set that day. But I never complained about it. I just appriciated it...

So you did something romantic, she felt loved and what came out of her mouth?

But now, that ''dating a princess'' is some what gone. I've so many ideas like something romantic or adventures, but I don't have that exciting feeling that I want to do that with her, because I have the feeling that it won't change her way of looking at me.

Why? that's your feelings...your worried that it won't work? You have to do it because you want to do it....and I believe it will change the way she looks at you...I think she's speaking but not being heard.

You say she's a bit overweight but she laughs about it....Maybe it's a nervous laugh...You say you train to look good for her, maybe she feels in-secure? As she has put a bit of weight on and does not want to feel like a sex object,wants that Prince back, the one that did the romantic things, and maybe she's put on weight via "comfort eating" that's when you feel down

CW

[Magic]

You want her to orgasm because you think that will make her want to have sex more, therefore, more sex for you, right?

No, I want her to orgasm because she told me so many times that she really wants to get an orgasm. Im feeling sorry for her that can't orgasm like other girls. I've never tought about it that if she would get orgasms, I would get more sex. Like I said, if she was totally ok with not getting orgasms, I really wouldn't say a thing about it...

She also always told me that she wouldn't like it that I would stay with her, if I wasn't really happy with her. But just something in me kept saying: ''Wait a little bit more, maybe she will change''. I want to see if removing the implanon can change something in her tiredness and sex-drive reduction.

Oh about the weight thing. I've never saw it as a problem, as I said. Sometimes when we lay on bed, she starts like: ''Ah man, I gained weight again''. Most of the time I answer with: ''Nahh baby, you just think you did, I really dont see any difference!. You are still that sexy girl *and I will give her a kiss*''. Yeah I know weigh things can make girls insecure, so I try to avoid her getting insecure. And maybe I lie to her because I did saw that she gained weight, but it honestly didn't bother me or something. She did loose the weight in the past and to be honest it did look better, but as I said, I didn't care about that it came back. But as for me, if I wasn't an athelic guy, but my girlfriend did sports to look good for me, I would immediatelly start working out so I can look better for her aswell.
She really isn't over-weight or something, far from that. It's just the gesture of doing something back.

Also, sometimes other girls are trying to get something with me, tell me they find me sexy and stuff: In the past, my g/f would like bring me home, start kissing me, smile at me at be like: ''Oh noo you are mine!''. I liked that kind of stuff, but now she is like: ''ah well you are mine so why would I even worry about...''. Im 19 years old, but this relationship feels suddenly so serious. I really want it spicier.

But CW, oke, I will try once more to do something romantic with her, I'll plan something good and look if she will change. Ofcourse I dont expect it to change in just one night, but I guess I can mark the next the week if she acts a bit differenly.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

But as for me, if I wasn't an athelic guy, but my girlfriend did sports to look good for me, I would immediatelly start working out so I can look better for her aswell.
She really isn't over-weight or something, far from that. It's just the gesture of doing something back

Nup disagree...You see, in love you accept everyone for who they are, full stop....She doesn't have to compete with you in body or in *** for tat....

I liked that kind of stuff, but now she is like: ''ah well you are mine so why would I even worry about...''. Im 19 years old, but this relationship feels suddenly so serious. I really want it spicier.

Then BD is correct, the relationship isn't right for you.. See, when a woman feels safe, she no longer needs to feed your ego....But, your ego needs to be fed, so you feel special...Not saying she shouldn't still marvel at your body, or things you do....she should.... but she's feeling secure about your relationship that being your hers, I'm not sure she's feeling the love....though....You still want the 'dating' game what drew you in, are you honestly ready for commitment?

but this relationship feels suddenly so serious. I really want it spicier.

It takes two...

She wants romance, to be loved.

You want to feel sexy, important and to be loved...

One has to start don't they?

She does not have to compete however, remember that.

CW

[Magic]

Oke, I agree with you on the compete thing.

Then one thing is confusing me. As I said, we talked before, and she admitted that she was doubting about our relationship. Her reason was because she was ''scared'' that she would be her whole life with me, and she never could be ''free''. So I was like:'' I don't hold you for stuff or I don't say you cant go out. Do you mean you want something with an other guy?'' She said very confident that it was really not about getting an other guy, but just the feeling of being free(1 month before me, she had a relationship, so since her youth, she only had relationships). Now on the other hand, if she is sort of afraid of never being ''free'' again, how can she ask for romance and to be loved.
She also said: If I do stay with you, im afraid that i'll never be ''free/single''. But if we do break up, im afraid that I will never find a guy like you. You are really a guy that I wanted to met later in my years, to live my life with, and eventually marry.
So I was like: Im not some sort of toy that you can start using when you are done with the other toys. She was sorry for what she said, but it is still how she thinks.
But it confuses me. On one hand, she wants freedom, going out with her friends where ever she wants, with out any stress of: Would my b/f accept this dress? Can I walk in this short pants? but on the other hand you say that she wants romance and be loved...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well my love, I can only write my thoughts based on what you write....

You were heading for birth control .. low sex drive..

You were writing comments about her not wanting sex with you but, wanting to feel some togetherness, alone, at her place....

Now your saying she's not ready for the relationship and so from hearing all of this, you've backed out on the romance bit, perhaps protecting your heart and focusing on the other part missing in the relationship sex, and perhaps thinking if you bring her to orgasm you will be able to keep her?

What she is saying above, to what you wrote, is you are what she dreamed of, only she wants to enjoy her life first,experience, experiment, play even, grow, travel, but she's not prepared to let someone else catch you because there's no going back, so she's stuck...

In that case, what about you?

For what you wrote before, it was sexually not compatable but, that's not the case, she's holding out and not giving her whole heart and your now holding out and not giving your whole heart.

She has to make a decision....she knows others will jump on the chance to have you from the sounds of it, and maybe withholding sex, she thinks you'll want her more, IDK but what I do know, is she can't have it both ways...

CW

[Magic]

For what you wrote before, it was sexually not compatable but, that's not the case, she's holding out and not giving her whole heart and your now holding out and not giving your whole heart.

Thats really good said! thats exactly where we are now at. We did talk about this and we came to a conclusion to not give up and try to work this out. We would ''see'' how things would go. Do you think I should let it there and ''see'' how it will go, or talk to her again, and let her choose? I think if I do the last thing, she wont really give me an answer since she doesn't know what to do.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If you've already talked about it? No need to talk about it again, in my opinion....

If your just after a "good,happy relationship" and see where that takes you, then the only way that is going to happen is to chill and not get hung up on the future, either of you....

We sincerely, don't know where life is going to take us and who is "the one" until we know each other inside out and are totally compatable and we just know and nothing, no-one will break that...

I would say that to her...It will ease her mind whilst making her cautious that your not necessarily going to worry about it, what will be will be and at the same time, your going to go with it, because there are feelings there..

CW

[Drangel254]

Hey op, what you've just wrote is re exact clone of my relationship. Ive been like you trying so hard to find out the answer, ima gym nut always trying to lookgood for her , everything for her, but for what?

What I've learned is that I put so much pressure on her even though I tell her it's not about sex , it's about sex. I'm trying so hard to just be normal but whenever you get around em you just want them so bad , but they don't want sex and you'll feel rejected. I can related 100% , I'm trying to make it work if I ever figure this out I'll have to update.

[oxy-moron]

Check this website for people complaining that sex diminished dramatically after an initial honeymoon period.
During the first year or two of a relationship the interest in Sex is hormonally boosted in both parties.
Nature does this to increase the chance of having a child.
After two years if there is no child then it is in Natures interest for the partners to move onto other partners. What you are seeing is probably her normal level of sexual interest. Probably made worse by Birth control.
If a child is born to the relationship the level of Oxytocin( Cuddle hormone)raises - this helps with the birth process and also provides the mechanism for the Mother to baby bond. This is proven science.
The Oxytocin helps for a family bond and also triggers behavioural changes in the father.
Some people naturally produce Oxytocin in a relationship through touch -cuddles and massage so can keep a relationship alive for a longer period- however this is not easy when you are not living with the person. This is a disadvantage for you. If you want to keep things strong between you you could look to google searching info on Oxytocin and learn how to use it to your advantage.

Good luck

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Guess I know where your name comes from now Oxymoron

That may be a valid statement in as much as "affectionate" people, crave affection and in that, youth, boys, crave more sex...

So that also boils down to "type"....

Like should attract like but sometimes opposites attract..

CW