[sadgrl]

Hi all.. so here's the thing, I've been doing a lot better now, but I'm still not so great. I've prety much been a wreck for the past month and then some. I'm 20 years old and lost my virginity to my best friend. We were just talking like normal and then.. well you get the picture.
It was my first time, but he's been around before. He was really great with everything during, but after a few days we talked. He said he didn't regret it, but that it was "bad" of him and shouldn't have happened. He likes us as friends and want to keep it that way. And that we should just not talk about it/act like it didn't happen.
I completely understand because I would rather have him as a friend than loose him, but at the same time I don't know how to deal with his response. I really love this guy.. and trust him, that's the only reason i slept with him in the first place.
Now I don't know what to do.. how to "be okay". Any suggestions/advice?

[tesoro]

I'm sorry you are in this difficult position but it is an opportunity for you yo learn a lot about yourself and about your friendship with this guy.

I would have a talk with him and say what you just said in your post. Tell him how you feel about what happened and how hurt you are with his response after the fact. I'm sure he knows it was your first time. Does he? If so, he is being quite cowardly and insensitive to tell you to act like it never happened.

As far as being "okay" again. You will be, but it will take some time. You've been through a tough time with your first time but you will be fine. Just think about what kind of friendships you would like to have with men and if this guy is really a friend to you or not. It just seems like he's more worried about himself than he is about you and I don't appreciate his attitude. You shouldn't either. You need to love yourself and expect your friends to treat you with respect - especially in a situation like this.

[jlwelch]

He might just be feeling guilty for some reason. Some of us guys have this irrational idea that sex is bad and that doing so outside a committed relationship is somehow like taking advantage or doing harm. If you do like him I would actually bring it up and initiate an honest talk about it.

[sadgrl]

Yeah.. he definitely know it was my first time.. I kind of bled everywhere. Plus, we've been friends for over a year. I guess I should've said that we have been best friends and we're really close with one anothers family. I don't feel bad about it because I love him, but when he was talking to me he just looked so disgusted with himself.
I brought it up again and he was upset & selfish. I know that I deserve better than that, but I don't know what to do... If I bring it up I risk the chance of loosing him/if I don't I'll just suffer or it'll go away?

Thanks for the advice

[jlwelch]

I don't feel bad about it because I love him, but when he was talking to me he just looked so disgusted with himself.

Ok yeah, now I'm rather sure that it is some form of post-sex guilt. He is being selfish to make you not talk about it because he feels this way and you do deserve better. Truth be told, I would still bring it up with him if I were you and tell him pretty much exactly what you just said in that last post. If he does leave you as a friend, then he was too selfish to be a very good one in the first place. That being said, you would be better off either way.

[tesoro]

sadgirl, your suffering will only get better if you can talk about it with him and if he listens to you respectfully. Not talking about it and remaining "friends" will only make your pain continue - not a good idea. You said you don't want to lose him but what message are you giving him if you let him get away with pretending it never happened?