[stressed]

After reading all the posts and as an MMA fan and an ex of a guy who was involved in fights... (and without wanting to ruin the optimistic approach, but...) I'm afraid that he's going to lose badly and will partly blame you for it for you initial behavior (regardless of whether you were right or wrong).

You had a talk with his opponent and he told you what he did. His opponent is going to let him know about this in one way or another, worse, he may do it right before the fight starts or during the weigh-in. This might enrage him and not allow him to focus on the game plan. If he finds out how you actually went up to his opponent and nearly bribed him to bail... and he told you to go down on him... and be beaten by him a second time so soon... he's going to be devastated.

You don't need to be a man or a fighter to be devastated by something like that. Just think of having a passion yourself, let's say painting, and you want to have your painting in the opening of a gallery where many people are going to be there. You're proud of it, you've spent months painting and you just love it. But your boyfriend comes up to you and says "you can't put this one up, it sucks. Why don't you give it some more time and take it to the next opening?". And he insists. And so do you. How would you feel then? Would you want to have sex with him? Would you feel he understands your passion? Or would you feel alone, hanging, desperately wanting to prove him wrong by selling, an objectively poor, painting? I understand how fighting is connected to "tough men, alpha males, primal instincts" etc. but this could have happened to you as well. Perhaps in a different manner, but it can happen to all of us. I'm sorry to say this, but you let him down and you have to prepare yourself for the worse (I'm saying this because I want you to be ready for the worst. It's very important to be prepared).

Another thing I disagree with is that you attempted to initiate sex on the night of the "big loss". He must have felt like "I got beaten in front of her, now I have to prove her I'm still a man". And he failed there too (I'd be surprised if he'd have the will/energy/faith in himself to give good sex that night, or that week even). He must have connected losing fights to being bad in bed now. He must be feeling like if he won't win this rematch he's not a man. This is not good, even more so because his chances as a fighter to win this are slim. He's going to need a lot more support after his loss than you will and you may not be able to give this support to him. Of course, if he wins, you have nothing to worry about, but I am already nervous about this fight and I don't even know the man.

Also, you cannot find him less attractive every time he loses. If you cannot help feeling like that then you are not ready to be in a relationship with a fighter. You have to be as mentally and emotionally strong as he is. Take it as another loss in a sport, not a loss as a man. It's a sport with a winner and a loser. He can feel that, he sees that in you, he knows you fake it when you do (by the way, this is something that has to stop: don't fake it, it won't help him, he knows that you do it. It's better to have no sex at all, or just some kind of foreplay, or just give him oral than fake it for him. Don't).

I'm sorry for being so negative but I hope this will give you an idea or two. Good luck and keep us updated.

[Guest]

Heyy, Obnoxious!

Thanks for your input thus far, I appreciate the advice/support.

As far as the fights affecting other aspects of his life, it is unfortunate, but honestly it's a very rare occurrence that he's affected to badly like this.

Hes been fighting for some time and he's experienced other losses before without any affect on our sex life. Like I was saying earlier if I see him win it's probably going to translate into amazing sex for a bit since we're both really excited/into it. If he losses maybe he won't be in the mood for a day or so, but then I'd expect to go back to having great sex after that. That's how it was like before I went to any of his fights. Nights were he would win he'd come home and we'd just go crazy in the bedroom. On nights where he lost he wouldn't really feel like having sex for a day or so, but then he always bounce back to his normal self relatively quickly.

I think the reason why this time was so different was because it was kinda of like a "perfect storm" of bad things that happened and it was just too much for him to take. Remember:

1.) He lost his second fight in a row, and neither of them were very close, with his last one ending really badly (The early knockout).
2.) He was knocked out in both fights ( A pretty embarrassing way to go out, it means their was a clear winner... and it wasn't him)
3.) He lost his last fight in front of me and lost badly. He let me see him get absolutely trashed in the ring and he doesn't want me to see him at his lowest.
4.) His last fight was supposed to be a pretty easy fight for him (Comeback Fight), but yet he still go destroyed AND it was in front of me.
5.) The guy he fought had been talking trash and pretty much verified everything he said by stomping my boyfriend in the ring, in front of me.

So I think in the best case scenario (a win) it's a great boost in the bedroom, and for the typical loss the consequences really aren't that bad. A couple nights where he's kinda down (but that's normal right). I mean I think the only way things get really bad like they been is when he gets devastated in the ring either by a really bad loss, a string of losses/bad losses, or both.

I don't think the obsession factor is really there. He's normally doesn't push for quick rematches after every fight he loses. I think this one just hurt really bad because of how he lost and who he lost to. I know you said it probably didn't matter who he lost to, but I really think it does. He was supposed to be able to crush this guy like I said earlier, not to mention they guy was talking trash before the match. So losing to him, especially getting beaten so badly, must have just been awful for him, especially knowing that his opponent was able to back up the trash talk. On top of that he had already come off a pretty bad fight where he also got KO'd, so losing two fights in a row like that undoubtedly made him unhappy, and it's almost logical (even if it's not the best decision) for him to want to get back in the ring again and redeem himself quickly.

As far as my views and how I perceive his losses I'll be honest. Your man doesn't look quite as sexy when he's being absolutely worked over in the ring by another guy and it is really hard to take. However, I think I've been clear with him, that my love for him won't change, no matter how badly he losses. Will I be dripping wet at the sight of him after he loses a fight badly? No, probably not, but their are a lot factors that affect that. The psychological agony of watching someone you love get dismantled and embarrassed in front of a crowd of strangers, his peers, and loved ones is probably one of the larger factors.

I think it's almost natural for most women to see their men as strong and confident, almost, hero type figures. Even if they're not physically strong, the strength of their willpower, or mind are definitely attributes that attract women to their man. Most women will probably never have to witness a situation where they see their man stripped of those qualities/attributes we tend to tack on to them. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened in the ring that night. The perception I had of my boyfriend as this strong, confident, and dominant alpha male was absolutely shattered. Their was honestly no way that perception could have survived after seeing him crushed so badly in his fight. At first, it was difficult for me to take my boyfriend not being the dominant alpha male like I had always known him to be. After all, I was very attracted to that perception I had of him. In my mind that's who he was and that's why he was able to get me so hot in the bedroom.

However, as I've stated previously I've gained the ability to look past that because I've realized that's not what/who my man is. I was the one that attached those qualities/attributes to him. He's just himself and although I may be attracted to his strength and confidence strongly, those are obviously not the only attributes he has and they're not the only attributes that make our life together, or our sexual experiences in the bedroom, so special. At that point I committed to supporting him with even more vigor than I had before! So although I may get turned on more than usual when he wins and not so much when he loses, at the end of the day I just love him for him.

that was very well written and very eloquent, and its something i'd wanna hear from a girl if i was a guy in ur man's shoes.

i strongly suggest you tell him that, preferably in written form since the written word is smoother than real words.

one question i've been wondering about but didn't think was important till now is this:

you have mentioned on several occaisions that this was sposed to be a "easy win" for you BF. how did you know that? you say that he wiped the mat with him, is it possible that you were mislead by whoever told you it was sposed to be a "confidence boosting" win? are there some sort of rankings or differing divisions of MMA??? if it really was suppossed to be a cupcake fight, its possible you can still lose a close fight on a TKO or a judge's decision. but a blowout? that seems quite unlikely to me.

[Guest]

that was very well written and very eloquent, and its something i'd wanna hear from a girl if i was a guy in ur man's shoes.

i strongly suggest you tell him that, preferably in written form since the written word is smoother than real words.

one question i've been wondering about but didn't think was important till now is this:

you have mentioned on several occaisions that this was sposed to be a "easy win" for you BF. how did you know that? you say that he wiped the mat with him, is it possible that you were mislead by whoever told you it was sposed to be a "confidence boosting" win? are there some sort of rankings or differing divisions of MMA??? if it really was suppossed to be a cupcake fight, its possible you can still lose a close fight on a TKO or a judge's decision. but a blowout? that seems quite unlikely to me.

Thanks, I did tell him. : )

And I know, that's part of the reason why he's so down about the loss. : (

When I talked to my boyfriends coach he was the one who told me it was scheduled as a confidence boosting win. The other fighter was very new to the scene and relatively unknown so I guess he figured my boyfriend would roll over him? Maybe that was the error in his coaches judgment. He didn't know anything about the kid except for the fact that he wasn't on any of the teams in the local area and was trying to get recruited. I guess this made him think the kid just wasn't very good because he wasn't on a team yet. Either way his coaches plan pretty much backfired. : (

[Guest]

After reading all the posts and as an MMA fan and an ex of a guy who was involved in fights... (and without wanting to ruin the optimistic approach, but...) I'm afraid that he's going to lose badly and will partly blame you for it for you initial behavior (regardless of whether you were right or wrong).

You had a talk with his opponent and he told you what he did. His opponent is going to let him know about this in one way or another, worse, he may do it right before the fight starts or during the weigh-in. This might enrage him and not allow him to focus on the game plan. If he finds out how you actually went up to his opponent and nearly bribed him to bail... and he told you to go down on him... and be beaten by him a second time so soon... he's going to be devastated.

You don't need to be a man or a fighter to be devastated by something like that. Just think of having a passion yourself, let's say painting, and you want to have your painting in the opening of a gallery where many people are going to be there. You're proud of it, you've spent months painting and you just love it. But your boyfriend comes up to you and says "you can't put this one up, it sucks. Why don't you give it some more time and take it to the next opening?". And he insists. And so do you. How would you feel then? Would you want to have sex with him? Would you feel he understands your passion? Or would you feel alone, hanging, desperately wanting to prove him wrong by selling, an objectively poor, painting? I understand how fighting is connected to "tough men, alpha males, primal instincts" etc. but this could have happened to you as well. Perhaps in a different manner, but it can happen to all of us. I'm sorry to say this, but you let him down and you have to prepare yourself for the worse (I'm saying this because I want you to be ready for the worst. It's very important to be prepared).

Another thing I disagree with is that you attempted to initiate sex on the night of the "big loss". He must have felt like "I got beaten in front of her, now I have to prove her I'm still a man". And he failed there too (I'd be surprised if he'd have the will/energy/faith in himself to give good sex that night, or that week even). He must have connected losing fights to being bad in bed now. He must be feeling like if he won't win this rematch he's not a man. This is not good, even more so because his chances as a fighter to win this are slim. He's going to need a lot more support after his loss than you will and you may not be able to give this support to him. Of course, if he wins, you have nothing to worry about, but I am already nervous about this fight and I don't even know the man.

Also, you cannot find him less attractive every time he loses. If you cannot help feeling like that then you are not ready to be in a relationship with a fighter. You have to be as mentally and emotionally strong as he is. Take it as another loss in a sport, not a loss as a man. It's a sport with a winner and a loser. He can feel that, he sees that in you, he knows you fake it when you do (by the way, this is something that has to stop: don't fake it, it won't help him, he knows that you do it. It's better to have no sex at all, or just some kind of foreplay, or just give him oral than fake it for him. Don't).

I'm sorry for being so negative but I hope this will give you an idea or two. Good luck and keep us updated.

Hi there stressed. First of all I just want to thank you for your blunt honesty, I genuinely appreciate it.

I must say I am a little devastated after hearing all this.... I pretty much did everything possible wrong..... : (

Everything I did was so shortsighted and even though I had good intentions, in mind I feel like a just ruined everything, even worse than it already was. : (

If he losses this fight, which I agree(even though I've been trying not to admit it) is probably going to happen, I don't know how I'll be able to live with myself. : (

First of all it was my fault he even got into the rematch. He took what I was intending to be a motivational speech and ran with it. Then he's schedules the rematch and I kind of feel like I betrayed him by going behind his back by trying to stop it by talking his opponent. If he finds out, which like you said he probably will, no doubt he will be devastated. Honestly, I was just trying to prevent him from taking another beating that he just might not be able to recover from, but instead I just probably made things even worse.

As far as the sex goes, I was just trying to make him feel like he was still the hot/sexy man he was before in my eyes, since I figured he ego was pretty bruised. I thought I might be helping him heal faster, mentally at least. I was planning on basically servicing him in any way he wanted (oral, me on top, ect.) so I honestly didn't try to make it seem like I was expecting anything from him or anything. I could definitely see how he might take it like that though. : (

He declined sex that night anyways, and the next couple nights. So at that point I just let him come to me when he was ready, but when he did he still didn't have the faith in himself he needed to perform and it was awful. : (

I know that faking orgasms generally isn't a good thing, but I figured in this situation it would be ok. I knew he had the ability to be amazing in bed, and he probably wasn't performing well because as you said he just didn't have faith in himself anymore. The logic I used was that if I faked it for long enough he would start to get his confidence back in the bedroom because he'd realize he can still make me orgasm and then I wouldn't need to fake it anymore. I figured if I didn't fake it it would be weird because he's so used to making he climax he'd be terribly embarrassed if he finished and I was just laying there unsatisfied, and I figured that would weigh on him even harder than normal due to him losing the fight. It would just be something extra from him to be embarrassed over.

Unfortunately, the premature ejaculation started to happen and it kind of blew my cover and exposed everything (can't really fake an orgasm when you're not used to your partner finishing in only 3 or so minutes.). The fact that he found out in the way he did probably ended up hurting more than it would have if I had just told him (he was crying) , I guess I failed him there, too. : (

As far as the attraction thing, I don't really find him less attractive. As I explained in my previous post at first it was really tough to take, realizing that my man wasn't as "invincible" as I perceived him to be, which is one of the things that attracted me to him, but as I said I've been able to move past that, realizing that I'm attracted to him for many other reasons as well, that combined definitely overshadow anything shortcomings he may experience while in the ring.

With that being said I just want to thank you again for taking the time to contribute. You weren't negative just honest, and I sincerely appreciate that... even though it may be difficult for me to take. I do have a question though, especially consider you've said you've dated fighters in the past.

How can I help to mentally prepare myself for, what will likely be, a huge/crushing loss for my boyfriend? As you've probably read I wasn't able to handle things well during the last fight, but regardless I really want to be there to support him. Have you even witness a boyfriend of yours get badly beaten in a fight, or even knocked out?

Is there anything I can tell myself before to prepare myself and make it less impactful/difficult?
What should I do/say to him after the loss? (Basically, how did you console you boyfriend?)
Is there anything I can do to help prepare him? (I'm guessing probably not, considering he really needs to be thinking he will win to have a chance.)

Just any advice pertaining to how to handle the ups/downs of having a fighter as a boyfriend would be extreamly helpful and I'd be very appreciative. Thank You!

I honestly hope he's not too upset with me if he losses... I'm already really upset with myself at this point and it would be hard if he tears into me as well. : (

[stressed]

Chloe, you're such a caring and loving girlfriend! I neglected to mention that because I'm so nervous about this fight! But you care and love him so much that no matter what happens he'll understand once the tension of this fight is gone. Regardless of his reaction and the outcome of the fight, he will understand, he will realize you were right to try to stop him. He's just being too proud and too stubborn to approach this fight reasonably. In a way, losing may be good for him. He might understand that he has to listen to the people who care about him and not rush into making decisions he's not ready to make. That fighting requires practice, it's not only about how badly you want to win. Even if he will be devastated, he will learn from this.

When I met my ex he had already stopped fighting (street fights), but he did talk a lot about it and how he felt about it at the time. My brother also used to be a karate fighter and take part in tournaments (he'd mostly lose than win, but he loved it anyway). My ex always bragged about "never losing a fight", "beating the heaviest, toughest guys" etc. He was very proud about his "achievements". Some times we'd be out and some huge guy would 'joke' with him about beating him up. When that would happen I'd feel very protective and look around for an object to hit the guy in the head with if it would get that far (nothing of the sort ever happened, but you see how I felt). Of course, they are big boys, they can handle themselves, and don't need us to defend them, but we can't help it. We may not have testicles, but we also want to protect those we love just as much

Once, many years ago, my brother came home badly beaten (he took up karate right after this). Three guys got him and beat him up in an alley (long story why). It looked nasty. I wasn't there, I didn't see the fight, but up to this day I feel like doing something to them and I'll always feel protective of him since that. Even if he's much older than me. When you see a loved one badly beaten you can't help it.

Now, your guy. What I hope would help you a lot (this helped me a lot with my brothers' fights and it was a sport) is to approach it like a sport. Even if you know it's more than that. If he decides to still be a fighter after the next fight you'll have to support him in the way he wants to be supported. If you can't change his mind to quit, you'll have to accept it. And in order to be as less unaffected by his loses as possible you have to think "it's a sport, his life doesn't depend on it, there are referees, there are doctors, it will be done in 15 minutes".

However, what I'm worried the most about is his losing streak. If he reaches 3 loses in a row he may have to rethink about fighting or spend several months training before he tries again. I get the feeling he's not as good as he feels he is, or not as ready and prepared. He needs to have a serious talk with his coach. What you can do is support him regardless of what he decides, but when he loses one fight after another because of stubbornness he will only end up hurting himself permanently. I don't know his record, but this rematch sounds so wrong in every way, he should have known this, his coach should have known this. You might as well bet some money on him to lose because it sounds so predictable (I know this sounds so cruel, but all the signs point to this).

The best of fighters can lose one fight after 15 wins and then go downhill, because it gets to their mind, they start doubting themselves, they lose confidence, and may lose again just because of that. That's why you hear about so many fighters training for months, away from their families. Because they need to be in the right state of mind above all. I'm afraid your guy doesn't have this state of mind right now and his coach hasn't been very tough on him.

Does he have any friends with girlfriends you can talk with? Maybe hanging out with girlfriends of fighters will help you even more.

The ideal case of what you can do after a crushing defeat would be that when he's bleeding, with a broken nose etc. and looks at you, you look back at him and tell him to go back and beat him up (as you saw, even when it was clear to everyone he was losing, he STILL felt he could win). Kind of like a Rocky movie Watch all the Rocky movies, Karate Kid etc. Fight movies. They may seem silly, but that's what he wants you to do. To still have faith in him that he'll go back and get that one shot which will knock down his opponent. It happens, it's not just a movie thing

After a loss, be next to him and don't cry, don't feel sorry for him, don't look away. Tell him to get back to the gym next thing tomorrow and that the next opponent will pay for everything. At home, show him statistics of great fighters who also had loses and recovered. Be a part of his passion. Try to feel like you're his second coach, sort of approach.

I just can't help but worry about whether being a fighter is actually good for him or not. But let's wait for the rematch first, it's a very big fight. Keep telling him how much faith you have in him, how he's going to crush him this time, and wait with sex until he suggests it. Don't be upset with yourself, everything you did you did out of love, reason and care. He knows this, he knows you were right, but he feels he has so much to prove to you and to himself. He made a mistake scheduling this rematch, there's no doubt about it. But you're going to be there to support him anyway. What he wants from you is not to break. Don't break!

[T-man]

Chloe P

The fights today right?

I'm a man, I'm a fighter and I'm going to be brutally honest. Please read to the end. I'm also sorry I didn't see this thread earlier.

I have never fought MMA but I've been to two world championships in Taekwon-do, and not the crappy olympic style over in america, but the original full contact kick boxing style. On top of that I teach it. But mostly I'm a man who has been in the ring and knows the love of fighting. And yes it's a sport.

Here's what I think you should say before his fight tonight. You need to be completely honest with him. tell him that you love him, you care about him, he is your man and no matter what happens he will always be your winner. Tell him you've both made mistakes coming up to this fight but all that matters now is that he gives his best. If he gives everything for himself (not you) then you'll be happy. (don't say any of this if you don't believe it)

Should you tell him that you spoke to his opponent? I don't know Chloe. I don't know. His opponent is going to tell him this. He's going to say you came beggin him to stop the fight. You offered him money and he might even say you offered him sex (even though we know you didnt) The question is, will telling your man that you spoke to his opponent this close to the fight help him and save your relationship, I don't know, will not telling him and having him find out in the ring or later help him or save your relationship? I don't know. I wish I could be more help here but he may feel you betrayed him here. You told him that to win back your respect he had to rematch and then when he did you went to his opponent and asked him to throw the fight. If men are so easy to read how could you not see that this was not a good thing to do? Now I know you did this because you cared for him and felt that the rematch was too soon, yes, it's way too soon. But after it was arranged you should not have gone to his opponent.

I'm sorry if you feel I'm being too strong here, I think it's important you understand some male psychology. And I've started with this because it is so important and it is going to come up in the ring so you need to be prepared for that.

Let me tell you what happened your man. From the start.

You started this post by talking about yourself, your needs and your sex. How this was affecting your sex life. But, it wasn't about you.

At the start of this post

kristalyn04, CHANDLERS WISH and jns made some excellent replies, amoung others.

Then you continued to talk more about your boyfriend, his feelings and the emotional side and really showed your caring side.

Let me tell you this. After the first loss, You had nothing to do with this problem. It wasn't about you, it was about him. Having you there to see added only a little to his discomfort. This was all about him. He fought, he lost. But he was so totally destroyed, he was beaten, he was dominated. It is the pits of being a male.

Chloe P, after that fight ---- your boy became afraid.

You boyfriend for probably the first time in his life felt a serious deep fear and it was about him and not you. Even Rocky was afraid, and fear is natural, there's nothing wrong with it. But you need to learn to deal with it.

While you're boyfriend was struggling with his fear and his feeling of not being a man, you made the issue about you and sex. You linked the problem in his sport life to his sex life and everyday life.(never fake an orgasm by the way, just go for more or a different method), Now I'm not blaming you, you didn't do this on purpose and I don't want you to be too hard on yourself. But it is what happened. His fear then left the ring and began to live in his real life and of course the bedroom. So now he's not a man in the ring or outside it. Very difficult for a guy who's used to being the top guy to deal with

I know you were trying to help, I guess you didn't understand what was really going on. Oh, and take it from another man, everyman feels fear. Don't look down on him for that. It's how you deal with it is the problem. And your man is dealing with it. I'll tell you how later.
If you had understood this at the start maybe you could have helped him, instead you focused on the symptoms instead of the cause.

By the way, stressed's first post was bang on and excellent.

Here's a few quotes from the entire post.

"In the eyes of my coach it would be perfect because my boyfriend was fighting someone inexperienced, which would likely result in a win a great confidence boost"
But he wasn't ready, he was still afraid. So to lose to a newbie just destroyed any confidence he may have had left. It too soon to fight. But nobody knew this really other than your boyfriend. There is no way he would have been showing his true fear in the gym.


"Didn't all of that happen in a Rocky Movie? He needs someone he looks up to who is in the sport, to motivate him, know of any good fighters you can approach and ask a favour?"
Yep, Look at that second last rocky movie, when he's on the beach and he breaks down in front of his manager, he says it, "I'm afraid."


"if he steps back into the ring on Friday he's going to lose and that I'll do/say anything I can to prevent that from happening!"
Yes he is. Nobody can go from annihilation to victory in such a short space of time when he hasn't been training properly. If had been training properly maybe he would have a chance, and don't forget that his opponent is going to tell your boyfriend before the match starts that you came to him.

Ladies, possibly the biggest fear a man has (whether most guys know how to verbalise it or not) is to lose their woman to another man. And in a way, he could see what you did as you seeing his opponent as a better man than him. It is going to hurt. Now, if he has a really huge hit of lucidity, maybe he will see that you were only looking out for him, it's just it's hard, when you were the one that asked him to fight in the first place.



"The first one was just so emotionally scaring I can't fathom going through that again."
It's not about you anymore, support him. You need to show him you will be there for him win or lose.



"Tonight I sat him down and told him exactly what you posted earlier. I let him know that in order for him to earn my respect he's gotta get back in the ring and take this guy down, but the only way to do that with 100% certainty is to train hard like a true fighter. That's the type of man I respect, a man who works for himself to the breaking point in the gym and in practice to make sure that when he goes into the ring he's fighting at his full potential. After all it would be shameful and embarrassing to him, his team, and me if he got in the ring unprepared and let some rookie make a fool of him!"
Conflicting advice lead you to this, it was almost right. Maybe you should have said your true feelings instead.


"I think he really believes he can win and quite frankly his attitude is starting to wash off on me. I think he might actually have a shot at taking this guy down!"
He's fooling himself. He's pushed his fear to the side because he needs to prove himself to you. That's more important to him, that he has your respect. It's more important than his fear, more important than his body and his life. Lady, you gota respect that. He knows he's about to get destroyed, he is stepping into the ring after two staright losses, after no real training (you cant train properly while depressed), with all of this fear but he doesn't care, he's stepping into the ring for you.

He's a real man. Maybe you girls don't realise how important your opinions of us truly are. I don't think any man could tolerate their girl thinking he's not a man. Don't abuse this by the way ;-)
Now he's fighting for your respect, all the that's happened, all the fear, the doubt, the pain, he's conquering it for you. gota respect that.



"Chloe, you're such a caring and loving girlfriend!
Yep.


Now Chloe - I hope you see that my post isn't all negative. I saw things in this that you didn't. I wanted you to see them because, hopefully it will help in the future.

So, what's done is done. What's in the past is in the past.

Your man left that first fight with fear and didn't know how to deal with it. You didn't exactly help even though you tried. But your challenge may be a good thing if you recognise that he is putting everything he has on the line to win your respect, because you told him to. It doesn't matter what happens in that ring. The guy is terrified and he's stepping in there and I pray, his heart will carry him through. If it doesn't so what. He's doing it for you, now you better support him, and any woman that can't see that indominable spirit is the true alpha male spirit, no matter the odds against you, then she's not worth it.

So in conclusion, maybe you should actually point out to him, before his fight, (tell him to shut up and listen to you) you know he is afraid, you know he is risking everything, his body, his health and his life for you. You know despite all his fear he is going to give it all, give everything he has even if it isn't enough and that's what a man is. He could walk away now and it wouldn't make a difference to you, because you've seen how much of a real man he is. But whatever happens, you're with him.

Again, only say this if you can actually see what I'm talking about. And ladies, this is what is happening. Whether you disagree with it and think it is all a load of male rubbish, it doesn't change the fact that this is what's happening.


Finally, I hope your man and you the best in the future. One last thing. Through out this whole post, you told us, strangers, exactly how you felt, but you were never fully honest with your boyfriend. You didn't tell him. Maybe that's the best route in the future. :-)



Now, with that in mind, go support your man and good luck.

And P.S. I think we would all like to know how the fight goes and how this turns out. we are all cheering for you and your man.

;-)

T-Man

[WildChild]

You were right. I really wish I had gotten to read your post a little sooner.

I went to the other gym this morning to see if I could talk their coach out of the fight. He wasn't having it, he didn't come straight out and say he couldn't give up a free win, but you could tell that's what he thought about the situation.

On my way out I seen my boyfriends opponent so I asked him if I could talk to him privately. I told him what was on my mind and asked him if he would back out of the fight, or help to get it rescheduled. He basically told me that their is no way in he's letting that "scrawny kid"(my boyfriend) escape a beating, and asked me why I was with that "loser" (my boyfriend) in the first place. I didn't give him the satisfaction of an answer and asked if he would reconsider for money. To this he just laughed and said nothing is going to save that "kid"(Actually, an expletive I'd rather not re-post, referring to my boyfriend) from the beating of his life, unless you get on yours knees right now and go down on me. Obviously, I just turned around and walked away, disgusted and appalled he would say that to a woman he just met. As I was walking away he had the audacity to let me know that deep down I know I wanted him, and that he couldn't wait to knock my boyfriend out in front of me again so that this time there would be no question in my mind as to who the real man is. Classy, right? *sigh*

Unfortunately, his parents live out of state and they're not too keen on him fighting in the first place so he'd never listen to anything they say on that matter. As far as friends go most of his buddies are guys from his gym that are on his team that want their captain to go back in their and beat the out of this guy. I'd be hard pressed convincing any of them to tell him to step down.



(

You need to back off an leave all this alone. You are making it worse with kind of stuff.
It sounds like you are sending very mixed messages. Even if he never hears about what you have tried to do - but it's a pretty good bet he will - your lack on confidence in him will show through in a dozen ways. It sounds like he has dug himself in and his ego isn't going to let him back off even if he has injuries (KO) that he isn't really recovered from. All your focus on this and meddling is only going to dig him in deeper.

Tell him you love him, no matter what-If you do. And that you know he'll do what he feels is right. If you don't want him to fight, tell him that but that you will respect whatever he decides. Then back off and go do your own thing.

What you focus on expands. Remember the saying, "Where attention goes, energy flows"? With the level of attention you have put on this, he wouldn't back down now, even if he wanted to desparately.
Quit feeding this.
Leave it alone.

[WildChild]

Just saw this goes down today.
Tell him you love him no matter what. Then zip it for anything but cheering him on.

[Guest]

so how are the two of you doing???

[Guest]

Hey Everyone

Sorry I haven’t had a chance to update you guys on how everything turned out. It’s been a rough few days preparing for the fight and all, and unfortunately it’s probably going to be a rough few weeks, or months even, because my boyfriend suffered another crushing defeat. : (

To give you an idea of what happened.

Basically, I made sure to talk to him before the fight. I had gotten the opportunity to read all the posts since my last reply and I just want to personally thank everyone for their input, it really helped me figure out what I wanted to say to him.

So I ended up pulling him aside before we left the house and let him know how I felt. I told him that I know he’s scared, but that it’s ok to be scared, after all that just means you have something to lose. I told him that even his opponent is scared, even though he might not show it. I also told him that I might not support the fight and its circumstances, but that’s ok because I support him and despite having my reservations about the fight I’m going to be their cheering him on and supporting him no matter what. I told him that I truly believe in him and that I know he can win this fight. I told him to channel all his anger and frustration this guy has caused him and use it as motivation to give him a beating he’ll never forget!

Also, last but not least I told him that I’m beyond flattered at how quickly he was willing to get back in the ring for me. I told him I knew that my actions were partly responsible for this quick rematch and although this isn’t what I intended to happen I admire how much courage he has for willing to step back into the ring and laying everything on the line for what probably seemed to him like my honor. However, I told him that as flattered as I am, he can’t win for me. He can’t even win for his coach. He has to win for himself, that’s the only way he’d be able to summon up the resolve and motivation needed to win.

With that being said I told him that no matter what happens he won’t lose me, and that I’ll always be there in his corner win or lose. He just smiled and told me that I was the best girlfriend he could ever ask for and then we shared a sweet, passionate kiss. It was like I could feel his uplifted confidence and my doubts about the entire situation started to melt away. I knew he felt like he had a chance and I did as well.

Unfortunately, after watching the fight it was painfully obvious he didn’t have a chance, even in the slightest. I was sitting right in the front again and had to witness him crumble piece by piece, until there was nothing left. : (

The first round was actually going pretty well for the first minute or two. My boyfriend wasn’t really able to do any damage, but he was avoiding sustaining anything serious as well, until the clinch. About halfway through the first round his opponent grabbed his head and was able to trap it (I guess they call that a clinch?). At first I didn’t think he was in trouble, but then the knee’s came. His opponent basically just kept slamming his knee into my boyfriends head. At first he seemed ok, but I could tell he was losing strength fast. It was like ever knee was weakening him, which made him less able to defend from the next one. I was screaming for him to break out trying to motivate him in any way possible, but his opponents grip was too strong and it seemed like the more I was cheering the more violent the abuse was. This basically continued for the rest of the round until he caught my boyfriend with a final knee and he was so weak you could see he was trying to grab onto his opponent to keep himself upright. His opponent shrugged him off and just basically let him fall to the mat.

I thought it was over right then and I was screaming for him to get up, but to my surprise, and everyone else’s, his opponent backed off and let him get up?

The round ended and I could finally see the extent of the damage to my boyfriends face. At first I could barely look at him, it was so bad. He almost certainly had a broken nose and one of his eyes were already starting to close up. His face was just drenched in blood, but I remembered everyone’s advice and I just looked straight at him and kept cheering! : )

In the second round I could tell my boyfriend was pretty much obsessed with protecting his head, but he was leaving his body to just get pummeled. He was basically just absorbing shot after shot, wincing and reeling. The one sided dominance of the first round was basically just being continued, only on the body, not the head. I had pretty much stopped cheering at this point, as it seemed like all it was doing was motivating his opponent, and I basically just watched in horror. : (

It seemed like he took a few shots that really hurt him badly towards the end of the round so he dropped his arms to defend, but his opponent capitalized on the opportunity went high landing a shot that knocked my boyfriend to the ground. Again, thinking it was over, I pleaded for him to get up, and again for some reason his opponent allowed him to, I couldn’t understand it.

By the time the third round started I could tell my boyfriend was pretty much done. He practically stumbled back out into the ring. His right eye was swollen completely shut, his nose was busted up badly, and he seemed like he could barely stand. Oddly enough though, it seemed like he was taking the offensive this round, trying to make something happen, and I thought he might actually have a chance to score a knockout. Unfortunately, he was just too tired/weak to connect with his opponent. It almost looked like the guy was playing with him, letting him be aggressive and try to hit him, but he knew my boyfriend was just too weak and that he could easily avoid the damage. My boyfriend just kept swinging away and I was back to cheering with everything I had, but it just didn’t seem to matter. : (

Late into the round guy started to become more aggressive again and easily pushed my boyfriend back into the corner close to where I was sitting(It was like he was turning it on/off?). I was sure he could hear me from the distance so I was just cheering for him to give it. He took a pretty hard swing, but it missed completely and his opponent countered with a punch of his own that dropped my boyfriend pretty much instantly. For the last time I was begging my boyfriend to get up, but I realized that he was down for good, he was completely unconscious, laying there motionless. The memories started to come back from the last fight and I just couldn’t take it anymore and broke down. I was screaming for someone to stop the fight, afraid his opponent might not be so passive after scoring this knockdown, but the ref quickly recognized my boyfriend was unconscious and called the fight.

It took a few minutes for my boyfriend to fully regain consciousness, but he woke up in time to catch the interview being done with his opponent where he told the crowd he let my boyfriend get back up because it would have been boring if things would have ended in the first round, and he wanted to make sure everyone could clearly see he was the better fighter and not some lucky knockout like some people were saying after the first fight.

After hearing that I was just devastated because I remember him saying to me in the gym that day “ I want you to know who the real man is, I can’t wait to knock him out in front of you” or something like that and that’s exactly what happened. It almost seemed like he purposely backed my boyfriend into the corner I was sitting near. I just can’t help but think the trip I made to attempt to stop the fight only motivated his opponent even more, to the point where he was dead set on trying to do everything in his power to embarrass my boyfriend in front of me, even if it meant dragging out the fight so he could humiliate him as much as possible and then ending it right in front of my eyes. : (

The medical staff on hand ended up accompanying us to a hospital because they wanted my boyfriend injuries to be fully evaluated. As it turns out they ended up admitting him due to him having some bruised ribs, a broken nose, and suffering from a mild concussion. I’ve been with him all of last night and they decided to keep him today for further evaluation.

To make everything worse his opponent told him about me coming to him before the fight(I guess in the ring before it started, maybe as trash talk?), and he lied saying that I offered him sex in exchange for stopping the fight.

We basically got into a huge fight, which is why I’m home now(he told me to leave), about the entire issue. He thinks now that I never believed in him at all and thinks I see him as weak and pathetic. He believes me that I didn’t offer sex, but it ended with him saying “You might as well have just ed him and got it over with, we both know you’ve been wanting to since after the first fight. I can’t even blame you, I’ve lost 3 fights in a row now and can’t even satisfy you in bed, I must be an embarrassment to you.”

Obviously, I told him that’s not true and tried to convince he otherwise, but he won’t have it and thinks I’m just trying to baby/pitty him. He feels so betrayed by me going behind his back he thinks everything I’ve been telling him and all the encouragement has been a lie. : (

His confidence is so low right now he honestly doesn’t even think he deserves me. I think he was so set on “earning me back” in his mind that after a loss so devastating like this he honestly thinks I deserve to be with someone else, and no matter what I say he just doesn’t seem to believe me that I want him. In his eyes I couldn’t possibly be attracted to him after he “failed” me in the ring and in bed.

I feel so awful right now. : (

It’s obvious he’s completely crushed after this last fight and his confidence/self esteem are at an all time low, but now it’s actually creeping out of the bedroom and starting to affect other aspects of the relationship, like communication, he won’t even listen to me now.

I have no idea what to do at this point, I’m not even sure we can salvage the relationship if things keep on like this for much longer, but I just love who he underneath all of his pride/ego and I don’t want to lose him. : (