[Guest]

In fact I did not do consciously. I was in that dozy state and anybody could use me and the man betrayed and yet I have to admit that the act was sensual and I just felt aroused and drowsily I responded when he made pass at me. The alcohol impaired me and of course ruined me. My boyfriend can never know this. Had I been a virgin he could have known it with my hymen ripped. But it was already torn and yet I feel very guilty and the guilt is eating me up. I hate to remember the mistake. Though it was sensual with lots of arousals on my part and I abstractedly was euphoric since the man was efficient and did far better than my boy friend. He knows how to act and where a woman feels better. Admittedly it was an instance of romance, a saga I relate to a dream, a fantasy I often weave. But this is dishonesty. I do not consider it a thing I must do as a woman. It is betrayal, yet a self gratifying sin. He used my sinews and I was shockingly thrilled.

But I am brutally honest to all that I had my passion working one me. The overpowering emotional thing drowned me. But that was a wild fancy materializing into something abhorrence.

In my consciousness I will not repeat this and even in my wildest thought betraying the one who really unreservedly loves me is really an act of insolence

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I understand, alcohol is a a weakness...

Love however, is love...

You have to consider, someone took your virginity hopefully because you loved him, he was the one....

And, then the Devil got you so to speak....

Your man may not be perfect "yet" as I said, it takes time for two people to explore and get it perfect "together", are you going to give him that chance? Or is it time to let him go and explore, this passion of euphoric, of this fantasy you have, in words and in reality.....

CW

[Guest]

Have you considered writing romance novels. Seriously this is good stuff! You have a way with words. For a moment I thought I was reading Nora Roberts


As far as your issue (aside from the great advice above) your a women, and your going to make mistakes. Hold your head high and move forward.

If you think it was the alcohol that impaired your judgement , looking forward, make sure you are in a more comfortable enviroment before indulging.

I am poor at English, sister. I have learned it poorly and often run short of the appropriate words when it comes to expressing the emotions convulsing inside me. My vocabulary is meager.

[Guest]

I understand, alcohol is a a weakness...

Love however, is love...

You have to consider, someone took your virginity hopefully because you loved him, he was the one....

And, then the Devil got you so to speak....

Your man may not be perfect "yet" as I said, it takes time for two people to explore and get it perfect "together", are you going to give him that chance? Or is it time to let him go and explore, this passion of euphoric, of this fantasy you have, in words and in reality.....

CW

Thank you so much, it is alcohol. My body was there for him to feed on, not my soul. My soul is always for my soul-mate. He loves me all the time and sex is a short –lived sport and fades in a while and what remains of us is love, understanding. Sex is passing and when we get old we no longer will be passionate about it. But as long as our muscles are vigorous and the hormonal content overflowing we enjoy it and once it gets dried sex becomes taxing.

[stressed]

Wanton, I have to ask you something:

- How old are you?

- How did you become familiar with the language you use?

I understand English is not your first language and you have excused yourself about it before, but your use of words is incredibly advanced considering your age and experiences. I'd like to understand what makes you want to express yourself in the way you do (just out of linguistic interest).

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thank you so much, it is alcohol. My body was there for him to feed on, not my soul. My soul is always for my soul-mate. He loves me all the time and sex is a short –lived sport and fades in a while and what remains of us is love, understanding. Sex is passing and when we get old we no longer will be passionate about it. But as long as our muscles are vigorous and the hormonal content overflowing we enjoy it and once it gets dried sex becomes taxing.

I hope you reply to stressed, see I also asked you personally a question ....Virgin, yet, so much erotica, impulses, etc, un-usual for a virgin because you can watch what you want to, but the feeling of this, is usually reserved for experience, in my opinion as a virgin is finding...

IDK...Trying to see.

You again have not answered, should you be on your own to experience......or cheat on your boyfriend and so be it.....if this is reality.....

You are wrong...sex does not pass when we get old, we get more passionate....

Our muscles are not relevant, we welcome excitement, adventure, things we have never done, and we still have it, the energy we find it, it's wild...

You think that once you've had sex, you have to party like it's 1999 or lose it?

I know someone whom is over 70 and she's partying like it's 1999 and then there is me.

Again, nothing you state is making much sense a virgin the thread on losing it, and next? A man .....who was better......

Yet, you will not do it again....

Your not answering questions your still talking fantasy in reality or .........

CW

[stressed]

I am poor at English, sister. I have learned it poorly and often run short of the appropriate words when it comes to expressing the emotions convulsing inside me. My vocabulary is meager.

This is an example of what I mean. I've studied English at university level, it's not my first language either, but this was the first time I saw the word "convulsing" in my life (which is interesting to learn new words, but still). Your vocabulary is far from meager. I'd honestly like to answer to all your posts and advise you, but something worries me in your way of expressing yourself. I'd understand if you use an automated translation program, but it's not just words, it's grammar, it's the feeling you want to give us, your descriptions, it's everything. I haven't seen anything like this before so this makes me very reserved about helping you out.

I hope I didn't offend you in any way. I've been wanting to ask you this for a long time now as it's something that makes me uncomfortable to find in the forum.

[Guest]

This is an example of what I mean. I've studied English at university level, it's not my first language either, but this was the first time I saw the word "convulsing" in my life (which is interesting to learn new words, but still). Your vocabulary is far from meager. I'd honestly like to answer to all your posts and advise you, but something worries me in your way of expressing yourself. I'd understand if you use an automated translation program, but it's not just words, it's grammar, it's the feeling you want to give us, your descriptions, it's everything. I haven't seen anything like this before so this makes me very reserved about helping you out.

I hope I didn't offend you in any way. I've been wanting to ask you this for a long time now as it's something that makes me uncomfortable to find in the forum.

You are right. I have to take care of my use of grammar and I am at times ungrammatical and I do write uncaringly and all I want to is put across the message. I am just communicating and expressing and sharing all else with you sisters. I am not a professional writer and do not crave for being one since I am not from an English speaking country. But there are no such great sites here and I am compelled to write in English and this is borrowed and as such it is bound to be imperfect. What is more at times I happen to use it bizarrely making the simple thing complex? I am hooked to several sites and chat with people from different parts of the world and therefore could harvest their use of English too. English had varieties and I do not want to Americanize or anglicize my style of writing. Why should I be nosey about how the rest do and if I do so I will be unoriginal.

[Guest]

I hope you reply to stressed, see I also asked you personally a question ....Virgin, yet, so much erotica, impulses, etc, un-usual for a virgin because you can watch what you want to, but the feeling of this, is usually reserved for experience, in my opinion as a virgin is finding...

IDK...Trying to see.

You again have not answered, should you be on your own to experience......or cheat on your boyfriend and so be it.....if this is reality.....

You are wrong...sex does not pass when we get old, we get more passionate....

Our muscles are not relevant, we welcome excitement, adventure, things we have never done, and we still have it, the energy we find it, it's wild...

You think that once you've had sex, you have to party like it's 1999 or lose it?

I know someone whom is over 70 and she's partying like it's 1999 and then there is me.

Again, nothing you state is making much sense a virgin the thread on losing it, and next? A man .....who was better......

Yet, you will not do it again....

Your not answering questions your still talking fantasy in reality or .........

CW

I am so sorry. I could not put my thoughts across you the way I wanted. I said it was a blunder and I did it not out of choice and it was all instincts and I was consciously absent there and I had sold my body and not my soul, sis. I do not want to look to that boy anymore for pleasure henceforth. My boy is naïve and of course we will talk about it and use toys and will go honeymooning to some exotic cities in some far off lands. We have the means and will to do so. I am raw. I am docile and anyone can mold me but I am trying my level best to fortify against any possible raids from now on. I do not understand which of your questions I did not answer

[stressed]

What I mean is, it's wonderful to be able to write like you do and to want to express yourself like you do. There's nothing wrong with your writing, on the contrary. But when you're asking us to help in a forum like this one we, at least I, can find it hard to distinguish whether you need help/advice or write because you want to express your feelings. There's nothing wrong with keeping things simple in a forum like this one, because it's not a creative writing forum