[macs]

Don't really know how to start.... but I can't get my gf to orgasm in any way possible...manual, oral or sex. Nothing works. She can orgasm perfectly fine by herself...but add me to the equation and you get failure. I've gotten her to show me, but when I do what she does its either too direct or doesn't do anything or if by some miracle I do get the spot...it only lasts for about 30 seconds and it becomes too sensitive, what I'm doing at the moment is putting two fingers on her hood like on the edge right above her clit..and then rubbing in circles..sometimes works...sometimes doesn't (I honestly don't get it)...then she tells me to go down a bit more..but then I'm directly on the clit and it becomes too sensitive...so I ask her to show me and the way she does it is pretty much going over the clit...soooo I try to basically caress it, then she says she can't feel anything, so I add a little bit more pressure and it becomes too sensitive.....when I try oral its just a tease for her and it doesn't feel like its going to lead anywhere?... I've pretty much read every single bit of information on the net and shes pretty much told me every possible thing..so I don't know what I'll achieve by posting here..but its really starting to make me feel useless and dread going down there due to fear of failure :\ ...so I'm willing to give anything ago

Thank you in advance.

[oxy-moron]

The difference is she can adjust pressure and speed as required.
You may have noticed by now that women like to talk-that is their strength and their weakness.
You need to learn how to use aural sex- that means talking to her and keeping her mind focused on sex.
Not by saying dirty words (though that may work ) but more sexual and erotic talk. Describe what you are seeing and how hot it makes you. It should take her mind off the psychological pressure of trying to meet your expectations.
Try stimulating Labia/Vagina at same time as clit- more difficult but can get good results.

[macs]

What do you mean describe what am I seeing...I'm a guy, we're not really good at those things lol...and how am I suppose to keep her focused on sex during oral ? I can't exactly talk...and I shouldn't have to keep her focused on sex...if she wasn't focused on it, that would indicate she doesn't want me lol ?

[Hopeless Dork]

Why don't you start with having her masturbate herself while you insert a finger inside of her or lick on her and give her kisses while she rubs... She could also masturbate herself during sex with you... and I know you want to make her come allll by yourself but for starts why not make it a team effort? This way she can get comfortable having an orgasm in your presence and that will help if there is some sort of stage fright at play that is keeping her from letting go.

It sounds like she has a very specific masturbation style, and that being the case either she will need to learn to make herself feel good in other ways to broaden what feels good to her... or she can direct you VERY specifically during the act, telling you 'softer' harder' faster' slower' 'keep it right there' etc...

[macs]

Well...she did tell me that it takes her 30-40 minutes by manual...so she never does it by hand, but by water... theres no way I can hold up 5 minutes let alone half an hour :\

[Hopeless Dork]

ahhhh does she use a vibrator often? If so that could be a huge problem... and she should take the batteries out for a while. Women that use vibrators frequently can de-sensitize their clitoris making it much harder to orgasm manually. Nothing wrong with vibes and occasional use but if its her primary method she ought to consider maybe going without it for a while... the good thing is she will regain sensitivity fairly quickly if she leaves it alone...

Ack I just re-read what you wrote.. same thing with water.. or anythign specific... she should stop with the water for a while... and her body will get use to manual sensations... seems shes accustomed her response to need that specific pressure... and your hand is not a faucet.

[macs]

Yeah she does haha, also one time I asked her to show me how she does it with the vibrator...but she couldn't have a full orgasm because I was in the room...so I thought maybe shes not comfortable with me...I talked to her about it. She said she was comfortable with me and there was no problems...so I dunno...not saying its all her fault. I know I'm not the most skilled guy...but it may be a mixture of things :\

[WildChild]

Sounds like its as much in her head as in her clit. But HD is right that getting her to back off on the self pleasuring will probably help. We humans can train ourselves to respond to a specific action and situation to the point that we don't respond otherwise. It can be masterbation, it can be a specific lover and what they do.
It can be frustrating but try to keep it playful and a situation that allows you both to expand your sexual abilities.

[macs]

I love this website ....how do I work around that mental barrier?

[WildChild]

How are you at massage?
You don't have to be an expert but 5 mins just doesn't do it for many women (some of us are an exception but that doesn't make the rule) and too much focus on just her clit or on getting her to orgasm can create a mental block. In other words you get so much focus, so much tension to it that it can't happen. But if you focus on pleasuring her rather than just on orgasm, then it may happen.

In other words make it about the journey not the destination. Its like the difference between taking a very planned and scheduled vacation, with something you are "supposed" to be doing every minute contrasted with just loading your camping gear and heading out to see what there is to enjoy. You may have a end destination and specific things you want to see but no timetable. No hurry up or we'll be late for the next stop. That unplanned picnic on a interesting looking sideroad, may turn out to the most cherished memory of the trip.

Start exploring her mind and body and responses. Don't fall into the, "Are we there yet? When are we going to get there?" thinking. Just start finding out what she likes, what she responds to. What makes her purr when you pet her? Getting her to relax and enjoy your touch will help in many ways. Set the stage; soft sensuous music, candles or other soft lighting, a comfortable space, lotion or massage oil is a good idea. Tell her that you just want to love on her, maybe sex will be part of it, maybe it won't. (your goal is to help each other become responsive to each other). Ask her for feedback. What feels good? Try different types and levels of touch, if it tickles, go back to that spot a little later and try a firmer touch. Really let yourself get into touching just to connect and let her enjoy your touch.

If you pay attention, you will notice when her breathing alters and other responses that tell you, this is a good touch. Don't get to her genitals and stop or park there, you can apply some pressure with the palm of your hand, massage a bit and then move on, caress, touch and massage, every inch of her. Perhaps another time she can return the favor. This builds the connection and an association in her mind between you and pleasure.

She needs to learn to keep it juicy. That is keeping herself on simmer all the time so that she can come to a boil more quickly. Make it fun.