[Beatho]

I know there are lots of these type of posts all over the internet but none seem to be the situation I'm in, so I would appreciate your time.

Me and my girlfriend are both 21, both university students in our last year. This comes with a fair amount of stress, along with all the other activities we're both involved in. We've been going out just over 18 months, and for the last 8 months, we have barely been having sex at all. We've broken up over it very briefly, but we're back together now and we've been talking about it and she says that she really really does love me and really wants to have sex but she's just never in the mood with me. She does get horny when she's alone and masturbates sometimes, but never when she's with me. Even when we have had sex, once every few months or so, she says that she never really feels in the mood, even during.

At the start of our relationship we had sex a lot, in fact we were known to have sex a lot. But then about 9 months in, she got a urinary tract infection and so we had to stop. Shortly after, I then found out that I had contracted HPV. We're still not sure if it was from my past experiences or hers but I think that may have something to do with our problem as that's when we stopped really having sex.

It's really hurting our relationship, it's making her think that she's just not in love with me anymore, in fact that's the reason we broke up, but now she assures me that's not the case, and I'm feeling incredibly insecure. We're such a fantastic couple in all other aspects and I think it would be such a shame to throw it away because of this. Basically I want to fix this in any way I can, and she is also willing to do anything it takes, it's frustrating her as much as it is me. Please help!

[BobSmith]

I feel that every one in a relationship often forets how powerful of a tool communication can be. Next time you talk to her about it, try starting the conversation with "how do you feel about our sex life?". Liten to what she likes and wants to improve on, and then speak your mind, I was in a similar situation as you, and my relationship is currently experiencing a positive sex recovery as a result of having a talk like this. It is a mch better approach than just begging her to tell you why she isn't in the mood. As far as specifics, wait till a day that everything is going well for her, and then offer to fufill any sexual deires she has. If she is hesitant, reassure her that you can stop at any time if things don't feel right. If she stops you, at least you've begun the process of learning what doesn't work. and thats one step closer to finding something that she does like. Eventually, you'll hit it right on the nose and you will have ingrained a pleasurable sexual memory of yourself in her head. She'll be wanting more soon enough. But keep your ead up, be patient, and don't force anything. A wise man once said " Patience is a virtue. Once you'v eobtained it, waiting to **** someone will become much easier"

[BasketCase]

Erm- I think the STD could be a factor, as well as the busy schedules. Try new things to get her in the mood. Ask what she thinks will get her in the mood. Bob said it very well, you must talk about it, seriously.

[evaone]

I agree with the previous comment. maybe you're both busy now because your on the last year. why don't you try to make it more interesting. maybe your old ways of having sex is kinda boring now. try to be more adventurous.about the std issue consult a doctor now so that the proper med will be given. goodluck!

[LolaMonroe]

try to be spontaneous. figure out a time where you can both be alone together and have a nice romantic date prepared for her. then just start kissing and caressing her just like the first time. sometimes the best thing to do to refresh a relationship is start from square one.

[Tool]

You are never too busy for sex, you can make the time.. Tell her that sex for you is your way showing your love for her and it makes you feel loved..

The good sign is that she masterbates, so she does have a sex drive.. You need to figure out why she has no desire to have sex with you..

If she isnt willing to change for you, I would break up with her for good..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

UTI's, STD's 21 years of age, kind of takes the edge of of sex, yet, intimacy on different levels may bring it back.

A poster talked about communication and I am sure you are trying both of you but it needs a different level, and you need a different level of intimacy for the time being at least...

That level is more understanding of perhaps UTI, as she may feel that regardless of loving you, she may be triggered, first UTI, then HPV, cheating, past, her future if not with you, as anything can happened, I suspect she is scared.

Does she actually have a good understanding on UTI's?

For instance, you can be as clean as you try to be, but if you wear G-Strings because the "string" is so thin, the bacteria from behind can travel to her vagina and can cause UTI's ..Cold washing those G-Strings does not get rid of bacteria, and it can be passed onto other people, if washed with other clothes.... Hot water, separate, and mouthwash in the water will get rid of the bacteria.

Now I'm not telling you to tell her how to get rid of it, as she may have done so, but it can easily come back and the above is one reason that causes it...

HPV, scares the out of people... But you are correct, it can lay dormant for years, it affects so many people and 1) you have to choose your partners wisely and 2) you have to wear a condom until in a committed relationship you trust and only after both people are tested...do you take the condom off...

So this applies for both of you with your past..It could have come from either, it could be dormant in her, not showing but passed onto you or you could have been rectless in your past as above, either way...it's not the worse thing in the world.

I suspect you therefore now use a condom, alot of women don't like that especially in a committed relationship, the feeling isn't the same...it is thought you can have sex as long as you haven't had a breakout, without one, but again, if symptoms are not showing in her, she's probably reluctant to do so.

My honest suggestion? You can talk till the cows come home....

See a DOCTOR together and have him/her explain the whole thing to you on both levels..

And, forget sex, no offense for the time being if you love her and be intimate in hugs, kisses, love... that's being in love...

I gage the impression you broke up because you argued about the sex... Brief or not, you don't command sex, in this situation when things are not normal...

You have to appreciate and understand, fear, emotions and youth and in that, she has a reason to worry and not have it...

CW