[collegegirl2010]

Why couldn't you do it for both reasons? Typically you fall in love before you get married anyway. And I think you'll find out, once you do have sex for the first time, that it is a very important part of a long-term relationship. If you find out you're not compatible, the relationship most likely won't last. Divorce is expensive, and can get ugly. Just saying.

Because I want it to be about love and not let him being compatible get in the way...I want to be happy but at the same time make it a selfless act. And yes I know divorce is expensive and all that, but I feel that if I'm not happy and that what I want to do then its fine. Thats the main reason my mother doesn't want a divorce because "it can get ugly." So she'd rather suffer than get out of it because it's expensive and too much to handle. I wouldn't turn anyone from divorce, if thats the best choice for them. Especially if they have children. I know how it feels because my father is abusive and as a child I saw too much, plus me and my siblings were abused at times.
And I'm saying that I may not wait til marriage but its not something I'm planning.

[Neurotic]

I think it depends on the context, not the age or time of your life. I'm 19 and only lost my virginity a couple of weeks ago, I think it would have been a bad experience for me if I didn't love and fully trust my girlfriend. Sex in itself I guess isn't that amazing, sex with somebody that you love however is.

[collegegirl2010]

Sex in itself I guess isn't that amazing, sex with somebody that you love however is.

Though I'm inexperienced, I'd have to agree...

[Texinator]

Because I want it to be about love and not let him being compatible get in the way...

It doesn't have to be either/or. In fact, it shouldn't be. There has to be love and compatibility. Two people can be extremely compatible, but if there is no spark, obviously there is no relationship. The opposite is also true: Two people can be in love, but if the compatibility is lacking, then the relationship isn't going to go anywhere either. Yes, the romantic will say "Love conquers all!" as if love can make up for a lack of compatibility, but regardless of whether you're missing emotional or physical compatibility, it's going to grind away at the relationship over time.

I understand what you're trying to say. Love matters most, and since you won't ever find anyone that's 100% perfect for you, you also don't want to be too picky. I agree that there is no such thing as Mr. Perfect, but there is such a thing as someone with whom you are more compatible than with anyone else, so not only is it alright for you to have some basic demands and expectation but it is also important that you never settle for less than you deserve.

[collegegirl2010]

It doesn't have to be either/or. In fact, it shouldn't be. There has to be love and compatibility. Two people can be extremely compatible, but if there is no spark, obviously there is no relationship. The opposite is also true: Two people can be in love, but if the compatibility is lacking, then the relationship isn't going to go anywhere either. Yes, the romantic will say "Love conquers all!" as if love can make up for a lack of compatibility, but regardless of whether you're missing emotional or physical compatibility, it's going to grind away at the relationship over time.

I understand what you're trying to say. Love matters most, and since you won't ever find anyone that's 100% perfect for you, you also don't want to be too picky. I agree that there is no such thing as Mr. Perfect, but there is such a thing as someone with whom you are more compatible than with anyone else, so not only is it alright for you to have some basic demands and expectation but it is also important that you never settle for less than you deserve.

Thanks...And I don't know why but I just have faith that we will be greatly compatible(including sex), even if I do wait til marriage. Not saying I'm sure I'll wait til then, but I want to be sure to only give myself to one man, that's just a goal for me. And thanks for understanding what I was saying. Also, I won't settle for less than I derserve

[Texinator]

I don't know why but I just have faith that we will be greatly compatible(including sex), even if I do wait til marriage.

I hope your wish will come true

[collegegirl2010]

I hope your wish will come true

Awww, thanks!

[toesinthesand26]

I have a hard time trusting people and I'm now 26 and lost my virginity just a couple of months ago to who I thought was my best friend, even though he's married! The only reason I did it was because I trusted him. I've only had sex that one time because he's married and it kind of hurt our friendship. I have doubts here and there about it but I can't take it back! I can't regret what I thought was right at the time.

[darcdante]

My fiance actually started tearing up once and said, "I wish I hadn't had sex before I met you. I was just searching for you."

Most people, however, aren't like my fiance. But that's why I'm marrying her. I didn't read the five pages of this thread, and doubt I can offer much more than what my fiance once said to me. If you want a logical argument, there are pros and cons to both sides, as well as societal and possibly religious matters to consider. All I know was that my fiance saying that to me made her a virgin in my eyes, because all that matters to her was me.

[collegegirl2010]

I have a hard time trusting people and I'm now 26 and lost my virginity just a couple of months ago to who I thought was my best friend, even though he's married! The only reason I did it was because I trusted him. I've only had sex that one time because he's married and it kind of hurt our friendship. I have doubts here and there about it but I can't take it back! I can't regret what I thought was right at the time.

That's why I want to wait myself, because I don't want to have trust issues with guys. But anyway, you may not be about to regret it, but don't beat yourself up about it. I mean know matter who you are everyone makes mistakes. And you may think its all bad, but if you felt it was right at the time, who is to tell you you were wrong.