[Yamimi]

"Well, what IS it suppose to fell like?"

My mom & I had a talk about how enjoyable sex is suppose to be. I thought I was fine with everything until I've started realizing that maybe my boyfriend & I could be a little more passionate with sex? I don't know.

She says it's suppose to be enjoyable for "the both of you" and that he should consider more about how I feel. I have to admit I never orgasmed during sex before, but not every woman does.

There have been times where I thought I was having fun, looking back now - it really wasn't. Either he or myself got tired too fast, or there was no cuddling. There's hardly every any foreplay. And he grabs and fondles WAAAY too much vs. caressing & being caring. Sometimes to the point where it hurts. Yes, I've told him about it.. and he even admitted he didn't like foreplay. He's been my first & so far only, and it's hard to teach someone who isn't willing to learn. So, it's been difficult to try new things or to get him out of old habits. I can kinda see why some of this other girlfriends let him

He has maaany good points, so I don't see sex as a reason to leave him. I just wanna have more fun/passion with it and less boob groping & buttcheek slapping.

But I wonder, am I just second guessing myself? I never really questioned it until mom stepped into the picture.. lmao. I know I have a right to ask/demand what I want, but like I said - it's hard for him to break old habits or to learn new things. Sometimes he acts like he doesn't care, but what can ya do..

[Yamimi]

Actually, this might start to tie into my other thread about how we don't have sex enough. Maybe it's not only that we're out of sync, but could it be that because I know what to anticipate (which isn't too much) and I subconciously put it off? Does that sound reasonable?

[Little_Miss_Me]

First of all, you absolutely should be getting something out of sex. Put it this way, if you don't enjoy it to it's fullest, you'll not always be in the "mood" for it. Which means, eventually you guys *could* have less and less sex. Which *could* lead to cheating/unhappiness.

So, if you had a choice between what I just mentioned, or being 100% honest with him WHILE enjoying sex, what would you prefer? I mean, talking to him could change everything, and it seems like there's not much to lose and EVERYTHING to gain. Sex is incredible, and you shouldn't settle for less.

Now, he's your first. You're inexperienced. Quit worrying about him for two seconds, and start focusing on yourself.

I've NEVER had bad sex. Why? Because I KNOW what I like, and I know what I have to do to get it. After losing my virginity, I started playing with different types of toys. And with time, I could probably get off on a tooth pick, that's how well I know my body. Having that confidence and knowledge in bed means you'll be able to do things to your liking. And let's face it, from there, you can focus on what he enjoys. I would suggest you look in the mirror and read your comment, "...it's hard to teach someone who isn't willing to learn. So, it's been difficult to try new things or to get him out of old habits."

You're new to this too, and if you can't tell him and show him what you want, how the heck is he supposed to be a mind reader and know it for you? It's difficult, but learning your body inside-out is one of the best things I've ever done for myself. Solo-masturbate. Start realizing what you like and how to get it, then you can teach him.

There will be nothing in the world that satisfies a man more than being able to pleasure you. Or at least, that's the feedback I've always gotten back. You've just got to change your outlook on this. It isn't something he's doing wrong, it's ignorance on both parts. You've got to learn for yourself, and the work on communicating it to him.

=) You'll be fine.

[Yamimi]

THanks, Me. I know it's mostly figuring out what I want too, but I figured masturabtion wasn't the only way. Maybe it is. He's more experienced than I am, so I thought he would know more & would help me find what I like, but I haven't felt that he has. I don't really prefer to masturbate, but I can't really get off with sex. Doesn't mean I still don't like sex occasionally. I'm just trying to figure out what else there is. I've tried to show him what I DO like out of the few things I've discovered about myself, but he acts like it's too much work & doesn't do it or puts it off and then forgets what I've tried to show him.

[Texasred]

He could have several years experience, or he could have one weeks experience repeated hundreds of times over. If what you're doing is not pleasing both of you, it's not being done right. And if he refuses foreplay and what I consider equally important, "afterplay," perhaps you should find someone more willing to learn.
Or at least refuse to participate with him until your current bf is willing to learn...

[Yamimi]

Thank you, Texasred I think afterplay is great too..but that's just it. I THINK it's great cause of what everyone else says

I asked him about it AGAIN today, and he just says it's easier to masturbate *sigh* Hense why he doesn't want to foreplay, I guess. He just wants to get it over with.

Even lately when I try to initiate it, I guess it was at a bad time. He was too tired & went back to sleep (it was in the morning, and it wasn't too terribly early)

I thought about leaving him for a long time, but he has more to offer. I don't want to leave just because the sex is bad, or lack there of. Though...I still think what else could be out there since he IS my first.

At the same rate, I'm afraid for getting someone who's great in bed, but won't treat me right.

[waya]

The thing is, it sounds like he's being pretty selfish. Do you want to be with a selfish person?

[Yamimi]

Waya, you don't know how often I ask myself that :P

I've been teaching him in other areas though

[allspice]

I asked him about it AGAIN today, and he just says it's easier to masturbate *sigh* Hense why he doesn't want to foreplay, I guess. He just wants to get it over with.

Sounds like a loser, if he doesnt consider what you want in this do you really think he will in other things? I would dump him and find someone who cares more about YOU!

ETA about what it feels like, at first it may not be all fireworks and bright lights but it shoudl be pleasant at a minimum! Get to know yourself and then ask your partner to do things you like, he may not be happy doing all of them so just go for the ones you can both agree on.

And you are right, if you dont enjoy it you are probably putting it off. I know I did when my OH got this stupid theory that all women wanted their men to last longer, sorry not for me I like a good old wham bam thankyou mam, I'm kinda easy I guess and get off on them getting off. So making it last longer was akin to taking a gym session and I'm not a fit person. LOL

[Yamimi]

I believe it's bad to think that bad sex can end a relationship, but in the sense that he might care that much about it or me says otherwise (I guess)

The only reason I'm confused on what to do next is because I live with him, and I sort of regret doing that before getting married because now I feel stuck. I either deal with it or move back in with mom. Grr. Luckily, noone says I HAVE to stay with him but to move back in with mom is like.. kind of going backwards for me when I want to move forwards. I could also cheat on him & noone has to know *grins*

But, I can't rule out that the next guy will love me more when the next relationship might be just as bad or worse. Don't wanna keep moving from guy to guy either. So...eh. Dunno what to do still. I'm sorry.