[melissadreamer]

Ive been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. Lately he hasnt been interested in having sex with me, he watches porn a lot, and usually that gets him in the mood and we'll have great sex! I think so anyways, I absolutely love being with him, Ive never had a sexual relationship like this ever, to the point where Im actually satisfied. He tells me if I want it than make a move on him and he will. But when I try, he gives me the cold shoulder, kind of shrugs me off and my advances. Am I not aggressive enough? Lately its like more and more rare to be with him intimately. As of today its been like two weeks! I dont know what to think. I asked him before if there was a problem but he said no and he feels our relationship shouldn't be based primarily on sex! But i feel totally sex deprived! I would never cheat but I've actually started having wet dreams and masturbating (which I have never tried before December 2010) Im confused. Do you think hes making excuses? Is he saving himself for someone else. Ive gained like 20 lbs in the past year, but im not disgusting I know that. He doesn't work or do anything that would exhaust him physically. My only thought is that hes cheating on me.

[BettyCrocker]

Hmm it's hard to say. I'm no expert but cheating isn't always a reason why. You have to rule out things and put pieces of the puzzle together. If he is young he shouldn't be having erectile dysfunction...unless his life is that stressful..if that is the case you would notice outside the bedroom as well.

Does he have a lot of spare time where you don't know where he is? Is he acting mysterious, or get easily upset if you inquire as to his activities or who he's talking to?

Hopefully sex is not the only thing you need to prove he loves you and is faithful. I hope after three years your relationship is beyond that point. However no doubt in any woman's mind why he would act like that and it's scary. Us women have a tendency to worry, and overworry, and dream up every possible scenario till it nearly makes you sick with worry.

My only suggestion would to try asking him if he wanted to try something new in bed...or perhaps a fantasy to act out. If he still cold shoulders you then I would say you have every right to ask him what's up..especially if this is abnormal for your sex life. There's a reason for it whether you think he's telling you the truth or not is up to your judgment as far as that goes. But a man to go without sex that long and deny passes is odd. Somethings up I just can't tell you what it is!

Good luck!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He doesn't work or do anything that would exhaust him physically. My only thought is that hes cheating on me.

He is, with his hands, whilst watching Porn.

Go Advanced, top right hand corner and put the word Porn in there, and read up on many, many, many, exact same threads as you started.

Are you saying he doesn't work at all?

I think at first, he was viewing porn, bringing that into the bedroom and you found it erotic, exciting and fullfilling however, unfortunately, a person can get hooked on this, keep viewing it, start masterbating to it, not because they have better bodies, are better looking, it's quicker, easier, and over with no work involved and the release is a good feeling in sex, in general and so they get lazy and choose that method...

Time to tell him no more porn if he can't perform with you as well.

CW

[Jimbeau]

Wow, this is great. You can mess around on the side and if your partner calls you out because of your lack of attention you just blame it on porn. Kind of like politicians who get caught with hookers blaming it on booze.

[jns]

Wow, this is great. You can mess around on the side and if your partner calls you out because of your lack of attention you just blame it on porn. Kind of like politicians who get caught with hookers blaming it on booze.

Yes, and if your SO is smart, you will be cut loose if you don't get rid of the porn. And then when you still don't have any drive it will become obvious that there is something else going on. Classic misdirection. Usually, though, porn is enough of a mistress for a guy to not be interested in his gf.

[Texasred]

...Lately he hasnt been interested in having sex with me, he watches porn a lot,...

This isn't CSI, but I think I've found a clue here...

[Texasred]

...Lately he hasnt been interested in having sex with me, he watches porn a lot,...

This isn't CSI, but I think I've found a clue here...

[Jimbeau]

Usually, though, porn is enough of a mistress for a guy to not be interested in his gf.

Interesting though that at first the porn led to more sex. Here's a theory: at first he watched vanilla porn that replicated what he was doing with his girlfriend. However, as he got more into it, perhaps he discovered there were other porn genres (threesomes, grannies, interracial, BDSM, etc.) that no longer resembled sex with her but turned him on even more. He thus lost interest in regular sex. Would be perhaps insightful to see what kind of porn he's watching now and how far it deviates from regular bf/gf.