[nick1]

let me start by explains my position. Wife has gone threw meta pause and about 2 yrs later she told me she has no intrest in sex anymore.
I know she is not cheating for a fact.
I met a woman online 12 yrs younger than me. To cut to the chase we met a few times and then went to a motel. We fooled around fondled each other I did not cum but I did give here 2 orgasms with my fingers. I feel like . I want to come clean to wife but this may drive us apart even more. I miss sex and intamassy. I have told her that.
She has said go out and find it just do not tell me about it. What to do?

[jns]

It will cause problems, but you can take her advice, all of it, literally. If you do, I would suggest going far away for your flings and maybe to another country. Do not let anything ever have a way of coming back. But it will be tough to control so as to not let it get back to her. If she changes her mind it will most likely split up your marriage. Alternately you can be celibate by her choice. It sounds like you did not like how fooling around with another woman made you feel.

Have you two gone to a doctor about your wife's lack of libido. Is she interested in trying to get her libido back? Were both your lives before menopause satisfying sexually?

[nick1]

No she says that is natures way I am currently in councling for this. It just hurts. I miss female contact that is why I went there.

[nick1]

I did not cum. she did 2x is that cheating?

[BettyCrocker]

Personally the step where your meeting women online would be very hurtful to me. However if she's giving you the green light she can't say much either. On that note, that won't stop her from being hurt. Women are stupid that way..they just secretly hope you are going to do the right thing..yet they give you the green light so you don't feel trapped.

That sucks shes not really willing to get her libido back. It sounds like menopause did more than kill her libido. It may have also "emasculated" her in the female way. Loosing her fertility may have made her feel like an old woman. I would suggest that you bring her to counseling with you. Or at least she should meet with your counselor first to talk about sex..then start going together. I am sure there is more to her killed libido that just nature. She needs to talk about it and address it...right now she's using menopause as a scapegoat. So good luck with it. It's not always easy to convince partners to do something like that. But it's not really fair that she's not willing to talk about it and help you out.

[nick1]

Yes I know she said she would talk to my Canceler PhD he is a DR He even said this is wrong. we shall see.

[WildChild]

"Nature" isn't very likely to be the cause. Her expectations and thoughts have more to do with it. If she is refusing sex and has told you to go elsewhere for it I wouldn't call that cheating.