[bdeyed]

Do what is right for you

At no time should you ever feel pressured into having sex. So what if your family and friends don't agree with your feelings about it? And, frankly, so what if you never have sex? Sex can be great and very fulfilling, but it's not the be-all and end-all of life's experiences. There are many people who choose abstinence and are perfectly happy.

That being said, it sounds more like your lack of sexual desire may be a result of some hurt from your previous relationship. It sounds like your trust was breached by someone you cared deeply for, and the result is that you now have a rather negative view of sex. The only remedy for this is time and self-care. You are the only person you need to worry about, so make sure you're happy. Perhaps in the future you'll find a new partner that you can trust that will spark the fires for you again. Perhaps not. Either way you're strong and you'll survive.

[twiggythespider]

well, at 16 its ok to be scared of sex and you dont need to be in any great rush to have it. Having said that this does seem to be causing you some distress, perhaps you should speak to a counselor and try and work thru your feelings. good luck

[creativename]

I'm not an expert but it seems like there is something more underlying in your dislike of sex.

You are 16 it's perfectly fine to be afraid of sex. I think you are a bit extreme though. Maybe a therapist or a counselor could help you figure out what is really going on.

[sexymamaof4]

I hope you don't feel pressured to have sex. You're only 16. I lost my virginity at 16, and now looking back I wish I would have waited. There was still so much I didn't know about it at 16-I thought I knew it all though. Someday you'll find a guy you fall madly in love with and know that he is the one. Then your feelings might change, and those sexual desires might surface. But for now, just live your life and be happy and enjoy being a teenager. Forget about the sex thing-it will all come in due time. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you wait until you are married. I wish I would have waited and given myself to my husband.

[housewife]

why the rush?

I hope you don't feel pressured to have sex. You're only 16. I lost my virginity at 16, and now looking back I wish I would have waited. There was still so much I didn't know about it at 16-I thought I knew it all though. Someday you'll find a guy you fall madly in love with and know that he is the one. Then your feelings might change, and those sexual desires might surface. But for now, just live your life and be happy and enjoy being a teenager. Forget about the sex thing-it will all come in due time. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you wait until you are married. I wish I would have waited and given myself to my husband.

your words were wisely written.
I would agree with sexymamaof4 and tell you to wait until you get married

both me and my husband were virgins when we got married, meaning , we never touched the other sex other than handshaking.
it is absolutely worth it.

[AntiPrincess]

Of course, take my advice, like everyone else's here, as it's intended, as an opinion from a non-professional person.

You seem to be having extreme anxiety over this whole sex thing.

I have two opinions here.

First of all, you're comparing yourself to what's "normal." Screw normal (no pun intended). Sex is, in my opinion, all kinds of good, but it is not the end all and be all of life. You can choose to not have sex, ever, and still live a full, happy, wonderful life. There are so many things "expected" of women, that they'll get married, have kids, blah, blah, blah, and I believe many women do these things because of societal pressures, and I think entirely too many people have kids who shouldn't (but I digress). You don't have to do any of those things to be happy. Hell, you could even adopt, if you were driven to have kids. Please, please stop judging yourself by the stereotype. Could your worry about conforming to society be causing your anxiety?

On the other hand, the reactions you describe sound to me like the result of some sort of physical or emotional trauma. Was the break up when you were younger an event so traumatic that it might have contributed to these feelings? Is there something else that happened in your life that may have contributed to this? While I have no desire to offend, I wouldn't be surprised to hear statements similar to yours from somebody who had been sexually abused.

I would third the recommendation for a therapist. You sound like a bright, introspective girl, and a sympathetic real life sounding board, regardless of the genesis of your feelings, would probably be a great asset for you.

Best of luck, sweetie.

[Guest]

Of course, take my advice, like everyone else's here, as it's intended, as an opinion from a non-professional person.

You seem to be having extreme anxiety over this whole sex thing.

I have two opinions here.

First of all, you're comparing yourself to what's "normal." Screw normal (no pun intended). Sex is, in my opinion, all kinds of good, but it is not the end all and be all of life. You can choose to not have sex, ever, and still live a full, happy, wonderful life. There are so many things "expected" of women, that they'll get married, have kids, blah, blah, blah, and I believe many women do these things because of societal pressures, and I think entirely too many people have kids who shouldn't (but I digress). You don't have to do any of those things to be happy. Hell, you could even adopt, if you were driven to have kids. Please, please stop judging yourself by the stereotype. Could your worry about conforming to society be causing your anxiety?

On the other hand, the reactions you describe sound to me like the result of some sort of physical or emotional trauma. Was the break up when you were younger an event so traumatic that it might have contributed to these feelings? Is there something else that happened in your life that may have contributed to this? While I have no desire to offend, I wouldn't be surprised to hear statements similar to yours from somebody who had been sexually abused.

I would third the recommendation for a therapist. You sound like a bright, introspective girl, and a sympathetic real life sounding board, regardless of the genesis of your feelings, would probably be a great asset for you.

Best of luck, sweetie.

I don't want to blame the way I feel on past experiences. Yes, my boyfriend of two years did hurt me. I mean, back then I would swear on the Bible that we would get married and have kids and just be happy together. I know I was only 12, 13, 14 at the time, but I still felt that way. Kids my age never had relationships that lasted longer than a week. We talked to each other everyday and sent each other presents. I was so sure he was the one I was lose my virginity to and I almost came close to it. Extremely close. But then I found out he was cheating and my life was over... My grades went down, I became suicidal, I was mean or depressed.

Everytime I get out of a relationship I change. With him I put up a strong barrier and did not trust. With a guy that I made hate me I became softer and gullible and now with the one I recently broke up with...I became bulimic. Not fun.

I just...O_O I'm too young for all this stress. Gone through 25 boyfriends and I still have no life. You'd think by now I was fine with sex...but I haven't had it yet.

[Naima]

You aren't ready, plain and simple There's nothing wrong with that.

[Guest]

...I'll never be ready.

Something foreign entering my body...-cringes-

[Guest]

sure you will - when it's right.