[Neurotic]

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/showthread.php?t=34421&p=256459#post256459

So basically yeh, I'll be horny, rock hard when making out, well up for sex, then as the time comes closer to having sex I'll lose it.

I've only had sex once, that one time I was fine, it was good.

I love my girlfriend, i find her really attractive, I trust her, I'm comfortable with her (although admitedly nervous when it comes to sex) I'm healthy, the surroundings havn't been perfect, but they havn't been bad. But yep, 2 times in a row now, I've just reached a wall in my mind where my goes limp. As much as I try I can't ignore it. I can't lose myself in the situation, and it is making things really hard (or not as the case is).

My girlfriend although she finds it hard to ddeal with is patient with me, she doesn't complain, she doesn't rush me, she doesn't make demands and she is just generally really lovely about it. But it frustrates her, and I bet it frustrates me even more.

Please help.

[Hopeless Dork]

I would advise not masturbating for a while before the next time you are sexual with your girlfriend... you will have more of a biological drive in your favor that will very likely push past any nerves you have.

Please reassure her, I know how hard it must be for a man to not get hard when he wants... but women are told all the time how men get hard so easy etc... so when a guy gets nervous she can feel like she just doesn't turn him on, isn't sexy enough... etc and it can really hurt her, even if she doesn't express that.

You sound healthy and normal, I'd really try backing off the self time and see if that helps.

[oxy-moron]

Definitely do what HD says and make sure you watch no porn- though if that is the issue it will take a while to come right.
When you ready for sex( and still soft) have her be in the missionary position while you lie on your side.
Grab the shaft and rub the head of your Penis slowly up and down form clit to vagina and back- not penetrating. You will find it will probably harden up- just dip it in a bit,withdraw and carry on rubbing up and down slowly. You get the idea. Remember the only pressure is in your mind.

[Neurotic]

I havn't watched porn for the sake of pleasure for like 2.5 months now. I've watched a couple of things, little guides and such, found myself gettign horny so ended up masturbating to thoughts of my girlfriend.

I do try to reassure her, and I am truely genuine with it.

I don't really like that idea oxy-moron, the thought of me being flacid or semi whilst rubbing myself on her would freak me out even more. She definetely wouldn't want to try that either

[Caregirl]

You dont have to make it obvious to her that's what you're doing. Lie next to her and touch her with your hand and fingers at first, then move to what Oxy suggested. It feels really good (for me at least) when my bf does it. It's not "Freaky" beause you're pleasuring her at the same time as arousing yourself. We're not suggesting you hump her leg like a dog, this is a really nice way to be intimate and get pleasure without starting out aroused. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it x

[Texasred]

Definitely do as HD recommended: cut out the "self time" entirely, and it'll work wonders. O-M's ideas are well worth trying as well, and should be very pleasing to both of you. Focus yourself on what you're feeling, and avoid thinking about what *might* not happen.
Before you know it, things will be working just fine.

[WannaBee]

Relaaaaaaaaax dude,

no point in getting stressed out. That just makes matters worse.

Pleasure her with your tounge and fingers, should your "interest" peak, then everything is well. If not, oh well, I'm sure she'll like it too.

Besides, no wanking no porn. Lots of cuddling. Enjoy

[WildChild]

Talk to her about it. Explain that you are so attracted to her that it actually works against you. I'm sure you let her know how much you care for her and you don't want her to feel this is a negative thing about her. Spend time playing, teasing and arousing with her. Focus on what will pleasure her. Look at this as an opportunity to start becoming a master at pleasuring a woman.

I know it is frustrating but it happens to virtually all men at some point in time and is usually a temporary problem. It will bother you less if you are confident that you can bring her to orgasm regardless.