[Jaybay3000]

First of all I'm new here, and I have a major problem. I just got out of a major relationship and it left me confused,depressed,and alone.HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: Two years me and a friend I had feelings for started dating. After a few months, we begin to have sex(he took my virginity)and everything seemed cool. He was everything I THOUGHT I wanted.So we moved in together after about 11 months of dating. We had sex ALOT, and I asked him why he was so big on sex. His answer was that he wanted a kid. I didn't mind because I loved him and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him! We tried for months. Finally we went to the doctor to see why I couldn't get pregnant and it turned out that he had a problem and he had a low chance on having kids. he was heart-broken. I felt bad for him so I stayed by his side. After a few weeks something in him change and he wasn't himself. Sex became more painful and then after that it stopped completely. Then one they he texted me and told me he didn't want me anymore. I was devastated! After he came home the night I moved out we had sex(I guess it was a departure or something). When I left I cried for days and did not feel good. My period came late but I thought nothing of it because I knew I couldn't have been pregnant because he was sterile and it was a 10% chance of him having kids. I didn't leave the house much til I moved in with my bestfriend a month later. One day I had a horrible pain in my stomach and some vaginal bleeding. That day I had a miscarriage. I fell into a state of the depression because I was sad for my unborn child and the loss of the only person I ever loved. Last month I saw him at the grocery store and I turned away and cried because I felt bad not telling him about OUR unborn child. Am I stupid? And should I tell him what happened after he left me?

[oxy-moron]

You are too young to get into a marriage type situation. You need to wait till you are at least 25 before you tie yourself down to someone. As you have just seen for yourself you don't see the real person until you have been with them for at least 2 years. Chalk this up to being a learning experience and move on with your life.

[Guest]

Without being judgemental about your age, as I have no idea what that is and it doesn't really matter, I think you would benefit from seeking the advice of a counselor/professional/therapist to help you deal with all that you are trying to deal with on your own (mentally speaking).

I also think it would be a good idea to make an appointment with a physician. Whether that is an OB/Gyn or a family practice "regular" physician is up to you, but you want to be sure that all is well with you physically too.

YOU ARE NOT STUPID. You are dealing with a lot...emotionally, mentally and physically.

I think I would wait to even consider approaching/telling him anything until you've talked it over with a professional.

I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers....

[Mr. Inquisitive]

That is quite a sad story but you have no reason to feel bad. Things happen in life that are sometimes beyond our control. As for whether you should have told him or not, I don't think it would be necessary. Considering he broke up with you by TEXT MESSAGE and didn't have the decency to do it face to face after being together a few years, I would have to assume he wouldn't be mature enough to handle news like that in a resonable manner.

The marriage-age thing I think is a mute point. I know people who were married at 18 and are still going stong after 10 years and I know others who were married in their late 20's early 30's that lasted less than a year. However, it is something that should happen naturally, and not something you should go around looking for.

[WildChild]

It sounds like he may be dealing with some depression as he adjusts himself to the idea that he may never be able to father a child. Certainly his behavior has been less than mature. In all honesty I have a real problem of the idea of either partner trying to get pregnant without prior discussion and a mutual decision made together. The bit with him saying that he wants a lot of sex because he wanted you pregnant with NO prior discussion really irks me.

Add to this, breaking up by text and I'm not overly impressed with this man, at least not favorably. However you should let him know that you did become pregnant by him because otherwise he is likely to assume that he doesn't need to use protection when having sex and could get another woman pregnant. Then he would not believe that he could be the father and it could get very ugly. It would be an act of kindness toward any future sexual partners that he might have to let him know. You could do this by letter without any actual contact. You need to give yourself time to heal. Be good to yourself, eat well, get plenty of exersize and fresh air. Work on being physically, emotionally and financially strong. Continue your education or get some training in a trade. One day, when you are a strong indepedent woman you can find a man who fits your needs and compliments the life you have created for yourself.

[Mr. Inquisitive]

It sounds like he may be dealing with some depression as he adjusts himself to the idea that he may never be able to father a child. Certainly his behavior has been less than mature. In all honesty I have a real problem of the idea of either partner trying to get pregnant without prior discussion and a mutual decision made together. The bit with him saying that he wants a lot of sex because he wanted you pregnant with NO prior discussion really irks me.

Add to this, breaking up by text and I'm not overly impressed with this man, at least not favorably. However you should let him know that you did become pregnant by him because otherwise he is likely to assume that he doesn't need to use protection when having sex and could get another woman pregnant. Then he would not believe that he could be the father and it could get very ugly. It would be an act of kindness toward any future sexual partners that he might have to let him know. You could do this by letter without any actual contact. You need to give yourself time to heal. Be good to yourself, eat well, get plenty of exersize and fresh air. Work on being physically, emotionally and financially strong. Continue your education or get some training in a trade. One day, when you are a strong indepedent woman you can find a man who fits your needs and compliments the life you have created for yourself.

Good call I never thought of this.

Sending a letter? You mean on paper? People still do that?