[amaranthine]

Doing kegels will help you have more control but being able to tighten at will is usually the goal sexually. But still control is the key on your part, I don't know about his side of things.

I have some practice tightening at will, but I can't seem to stop myself from getting tighter when it naturally happens without me. He suggested looking up relaxation techniques or something like that. I don't know... is there a way to work this in reverse?

[Guest]

IMO - In my opinion this is not a YOU problem but rather a HIM problem that obviously effects both of you.

Frankly, I think he's giving you a line of bunk about being "choked" out to the point of going soft. You could always call a urologist's office and ask them if it's even possible.

What are his masturbation habits like?

IMO - This is a symptom of something else that is going on that hasn't been or isn't being shared/talked about. Stress can effect a man's ability to perform at peak levels during sexual activity, but that's more related to the ability to ejaculate versus remaining hard throughout the activity.

Have you searched online?

I have had sexual experiences with "tight" women in my past and can't ever remember any woman that had the ability and control to "choke" me out (so to speak).

Something else is going on - IMO.

[oxy-moron]

He's turning 25 in April. His blood pressure is in the normal range last we checked (he just had a physical done two weeks ago). As far as general health, he's fine. One thing I note (don't know if it's relevant) is that he is stressed out right now. He's been stressed out before, but the problem that arises with that is the inability to orgasm. But on top of that, we've always had this "choking" issue, ever since the first time we slept together.

There is hormone called Oxytocin that plays a big part in male errection and orgasm.
It is also a huge moderator of stress.

And the sexual arousal induced by oxytocin is some potent stuff.-Rats given oxytocin get both an erection and an increase in dopamine in an area of the brain called the nucleus accumbens, an area associated with the "motivational properties of stimuli". It's the area that gets hit hard when people (or rats) take cocaine, and the area that hits up whenever anything that feels really good goes on. And what feels better than sex? -It appears that oxytocin feels very good indeed.

And oxytocin is not just big in sexual arousal, it is also very important in orgasm (this is true for both women and men. For male orgasm, oxytocin is very important in the muscle contractions that occur during orgasm, possibly contracting the epididymis (the tube connecting the testes to the vas deferens, and hence to the out-route). While oxytocin probably isn't the only thing in charge of male ejaculation, some case studies have found it to be effective in restoring problems with ejaculation.

The good news is that you can boost his oxytocin through massage.Fifteen to twenty minutes before sex- Either partner can do the massage.
In other words- more foreplay