[ladyspec23]

OMG this has gotten so out of hand. The more I read of what you girls are telling me it seems like things have gotten worse for me. I was so upset last night and I was just crying so much and he kept asking me what was wrong I was afraid to talk to him about this. I feel like I've been OK with everything he probably things I like this and now I'd be like a Jeckle-Hyde kinda thing just suddenly switching my whole attitude about it. He would think I'm such a psycho which is what I feel like.

This week everytime we've had sex together, which is 4 times has been like he's following a script or something. We make out a little bit and he starts getting rough and tugging on my clothes and holding my face really rough and smacking my *** and everything. That's really OK with me and normally I even like it I just feel so worried about this that it makes evertything feel bad. So everytime its like I give him head - yes rough like I've been saying, its always like that anymore. and he buttf*cks me and cums in my mouth. Its like, fine, you know, we do that and I'm fine to act ****ty a little. he cares about me and I'm Ok to have fun with him. But every time - EVERY TIME - is like the same. I go down on him, he rams it down my throat and throws me on my face and rams it in my butt for what feels like an eternity and then grabs my hair and rams it in my mouth. last night I got so upset I was just lying there and he's pumping away and i was just thinking like, OMG, tell me we're not doing this again. and like clockwork, there I am, and he's going at my mouth so hard and I'm trying to breath and gagging and thinking I want to cry or beat his *** and I'm all confused about it.

then while I'm upset he's like the kindest man on earth and I feel like I'm a f*cking psycho b*tch for even being upset. I just want to scream about this.

[AntiPrincess]

Sweetie, you're not a psycho for having kept quite in the past. It's completely understandable. It sounds like at first it was within your limits, and maybe once it started tip-toeing outside what you were comfortable with, you thought either it wouldn't last or he must eventually clue in to how you feel about it.

But clearly he's not getting the hint, and if you don't tell him, this may not only have the possibility of being bad for you physically, it could seriously affect your relationship outside of the bedroom. It sounds like you are already starting to resent him for not magically knowing how you feel, which is understandable, but not fair to either of you. And I can imagine this resentment and preoccupation with this could start invading the rest of your relationship.

If he is really as kind as you say, he will be so relieved to finally find out what has got you so upset, and he might even be pleased to know there's something he can do to make it better. If you prefer to be a little subservient in relationships (as I do), and think it might make the conversation a little easier to have, you can tell something like "I'm my fault for not saying something sooner" (while that might be what I would say, I am *certainly* not actually finding you at fault). For me, that's an easy way in that hopefully doesn't put him on the defensive.

I really wish you all the luck in finding a way to stop this that works for you. I'm worried about you now, and, if this doesn't get resolved, how this could all affect your attitude toward sex in the future.

[Naima]

You certainly are not a psycho bi*ch for being upset. Not in the least.

He is putting your feelings and health in jeopardy by controlling the situation like that.
Has he ever once asked you how you felt about the way you guys have sex?
His apparent lack of awareness/interest in how these interludes affect you is questionable.

You're 18, this stuff is hard to see right away, and harder to deal with-but that doesn't mean it's impossible. You have every right to open a dialogue with him about your sexual practices, every right to tell him what you do not like! If he is so amazing as you make him sound outside of the bedroom, then he will be able to have this conversation in a mature fashion.

He is much older than you. He knows what he is doing. If he brings up anything even remotely sounding like he knows what's best, or how deep down you really like it, or if he tries to guilt you into feeling like you need to please him for some reason... then he's a jackass.

It's up to you to defend yourself, and your body; your needs.


Standing up for yourself is hardest the first time you do it-but it gets much, much easier as time goes on. You just have to *do* it.

Good luck

[soldatka]

Please just tell him honey. His reaction will let you know whether he's a good guy or not, because if he is as caring as you say, he will want to know how to make things better for you. And if he's not willing, then he is not the man you think he is.

It'll be hard to start the conversation I know, but the longer it goes on the more upset you will feel, so do it soon as you can. Best of luck.

[Iseult]

You're distressed, (and justifiably so) not psychotic.

As the other ladies have said, I really can not emphasise how important communication is in such a situation. Communication is important in any relationship, but especially in an S&M context, as your health could be at risk. As it is, it doesn't sound like your emotional well-being is faring too well at all and your boyfriend is partially responsible for that. He's not a mind-reader, though, so you really must do all you can to convey your feelings on the matter, to enable him to adjust his behaviour.

If you're finding it hard to broach the subject, one idea is to write down every problem you have. List everything and although it may sound weird, base what you will say around that list and practice saying it out-loud beforehand. That way you can work on your wording and tone if you think you're coming across as less-than assertive or overtly-aggressive, etc. This will give you the opportunity to strike the right balance when it really counts and convey your intended messages to him.

Such a conversation will never be easy, but I do think they're necessary. You may just find that you have to bite the bullet, so to speak. I wish you the best of luck.

[cubanochicka2330]

Same here.. only not to the extent. Heres some pretttyy good advice seeing i've gone through the same thing ( and im still with the same man ) if he really loves you then he'll stay with you as well. If he pushes you down move his hand, if he does it again, stop what your doing.. and get up. Look him straight in the eye and tell him if he does that one more time he can forget about getting oral, or any at all. Threatening that to a man can go a long way. they realize .. **** i might not only not get it the way i want it, but i might not get it at all. Be in the control seat. You cant let him do that to you, its not healthy and just because hes getting pleased.. you are the one being generous enough to do so. I am small too.. and i know its hard to push away especially when he seems to be a good 8 years older... Just do what you can and be strong. yea an arguement might arise but its not for a stupid reason at all. If he cares about you he will come to his senses and treat you like u should be

[KLHawkins]

Bottom line here, if you are not comfortable with what is being done then you tell him to STOP NOW. You have control of your body,not him and please, please use a condom for everything. I agree with the others, there are so many nasties out there and you do not need to be exposed to them and if he won't use a condom, then tell him NO!! He will get the message and if he doen't then too bad. He is being disrespectful and does not care about you. You need to care about you and you have control. To quote another on this post"You have the Vagina" I always call it the Power Of Pu**Y. you get my meaning.
YOu need to take care of yourself, you are young and have a whole life ahead of you. If your BF does not want to respect your wishes then you may want to rethink your relationship.
Take care and be safe

[nuno2502]

Hi, you've had a lot of posts giving you good advice but I'm going to give you advice from a different perpective. I'm a guy. I know you're young and I know that sex is fun and you want to experiment and try all sorts of things. That is not a problem as long as you are respondible. It's difficult to think about the problems that can come from sex right now but you will realize them later in life or when it's too late. Firstly having sex is what makes babies. If you don't want a baby you need to use contraception. Secondly using a condom will help protect you from getting an std. You can NEVER be 100% sure of your mans' fidelity. Now for the topic at hand. If for whatever reason your man does not respect your wishes he is not a keeper. If at any time your man puts his wants and needs above yours he is not a keeper. The fact that he is having rough oral sex with you and you are not enjoying it or feel unsafe means that he is putting his wants above yours. He is selfish. If you want to have a good idea of what type of man you have then try stopping him when he's about to cum. If his reaction is anything along the lines of "what the **** are you doing?" or "just 10 more seconds" then he is a selfish prick who you need to get rid of. What you are looking for is " What's wrong babi, did I do something wrong?" What you have is a pornstar wannabe. He has watched Some deepthroat, gagging, *** to mouth porn or heard his friends talk about it and he wants it too. You are not a pornstar. They get paid to do those things. If you enjoy doing them, then that is fine. We are all different and what you like is maybe not what I like, but that's your perogative and that's what makes us all different. What you need to realize is that your needs are not on his priority list and that is a big problem. You said that you enjoyed it at first but it is getting worse. The reason is that at first he had to try it bit by bit. At first he'll try blowjobs. Then he'll try anal. Then he'll think he can use you as he wants. Then he'll start gagging you. Then *** to mouth. what's next? Like someone said earlier, it is possible to have a SAFE and FUN for ALL bdsm sex life BUT you both need to establish boundries. You need to tell him "I am not comfortable with the way we are having sex." If he says that you seem to like it then he's not the guy for you. If he says "What's wrong" (in a nice way) then you can take it from there. As a guy I can see where he is coming from and I can tell you now HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. I am 27 and have had 3 sexual partners. I have only once cum on my partners face and that was my fiance now. She asked me too and once I did I had mixed feelings about it even though she asked for it. Don't get me wrong though, I am by no means a prude, but there are things in a sexual relationship that are out of bounds and to put it bluntly, ****ing you in the *** and then ramming his **** in your mouth and making you choke and vomit while he's cumming down your throat is not within the bounds. I can almost guarantee you that the next fetish he will use on you is strangling you while he's busy and seeing that he's not very concerned about puke all over his **** then he's not going to be very concerned when the colour dulls from your eyes while he cums in you. To all the women out there, if your man does not respect you then you need to get rid of him. There is NO justification for staying with an abusive man.

[bat61]

YOU MUST STOP!
Please your not an animal don't let him do this to you. How would he like it if you bought a large dildo and jammed it down his throat until he vomited? I like rough sex but not like that.

[BasketCase]

I have a question???? If you have anal sex, then you give him oral.. What does he do for you?? Does he make you cum at all??? Do you ever have vaginal intercourse? Does he go down on you too? This guys a jerk.