[WildChild]

Passion is a two way street.
It's not all on the man.

What do you mean by foreplay?

[darcdante]

I need to be more clear, when we were first dating I did not have these feelings, feelings that I wasn't attracted to him. I did not start having these feelings until 3 months before our wedding. Shortly after the wedding is when I started seeing a therapist, I stopped going after several months because my husband and I would talk about our situation and I was able to explain to him that I needed him to show me that he wanted to have relations, I needed him to be more assertive and more passionate. My point is, I made an effort and a year later we haven't progressed in that area of our life.

I don't want our marriage to end, I really don't but I can't explain how I can feel so attracted to other men and not my own husband.

I'm guessing that it's your husband's nature that he's non-assertive. In the early stages of the relationship, I think women are more likely to pursue/initiate. Your husband likely has an easy time going along with the flow, but has a hard time being "suave." My fiance and I have a similar issue. She wants me to initiate more, but I tend to be very playful and, if I'm not careful, that playfulness comes across simply as me being a pervert. I've always struggled with initiating/passion, it's just not my thing.

Though the one thing I don't understand is how you both could be involved in foreplay and him no continue. Once we get to that stage, I'm good to go lol. I still may not be the most assertive in the bedroom, but my fiance has no doubt of how much I want her. It's just getting it into foreplay that I struggle with.

[oxy-moron]

It dose not sound like the hot early relationship passion lasted long- normally you would hope for 18 months to 2 Years.
How have your other relationships played out- how have his played out.
I personally think that he is not delivering the style of intimate behaviour that works for you. How many times a day does he casually touch you, How many times a week do you compliment each other. Is there any non sexual intimacy going on?

[goose]

I don't get it! why is it so easy to just quit! If you had these fellings before you were married why get married. The problem is that people don't take marriage seriously. You keep taliking about other men. Sounds like you want to play the field. Heres a thought. How about talking to him about it and try and make it work. Marriage is hard work but it can be very rewarding. I'm sorry if i sound mad but you here this way to often. From both men and women. That's my 2cents.

[WildChild]

Op hasn't been back for over a month.

[JLG26]

I am having the same problem. I was married in May and I have almost no desire to have sex with my husband. I am worried that this is going to set the trend for our marriage. We had a pretty healthy sex life and even now we have sex at least 2-3 times a week but I have no desire and usually just do it for him because I feel bad! It is almost like getting married just flipped a switch inside of me!! I love him very much and definitely dont want a divorce but want to know why I feel this way!

[spsmith]

This could also be related to the fact that, when a relationship is new, our brains produce a different kind of hormone that makes the early days of a new relationship feel exciting and passionate. The heart racing...short breath passion that is like a drug to many people. Those hormones subside over a time, and that's when the relationship starts feeling more comfortable and predictable. Some people may view this change in their biology as a loss of attraction for the mate that they one felt so "hot" for, but it is really just a physiological process that we all go through. If you get a divorce and get together with one of the other men that you have been tempted by, you may very likely end up with the same feeling over a period of time.

As far as your husband's lack of effort, maybe if you turn the tables on him and act passionately towards him, things may improve. I know from my own experience that, if my wife has shown lack of interest because of stress or other pressures, my motivation to pursue starts to subside as well. If she, however, responds by initiating sex on her own, it makes me feel wanted again and increases our sexual energy and appetite again. Maybe this could work for you too.

Good luck!

[oxy-moron]

You can try manipulating the mood of the relationship.
It takes conscious effort but the results can be rewarding.
If you do regular massage sessions with each other you will gradually raise each others oxytocin levels. This is one of the key hormones that played a part in the early relationship highs. Once the levels are high you will start to feel more bonded and often the interest in sex will also be raised.

[Texasred]

I don't understand what you mean by you are surprised he doesn't want more sex, yet say you do not want to have sex with him. Men may not be as intuitive as women at picking up signals (sorry guys, lol) but they are not clueless either..

THANK YOU!

...he probably can sense you don't want sex with him -- which is why he's not pursuing.

Bingo! I'd bet that's it.

I'm guessing as a healthy man his age he isn't just going months without ejaculating... either he's just decided to masturbate or worst case... found someone else that does find him attractive.

Right again!
This site doesn't even need other posters, when all we can do is say, "Yep, HD's right!" lol

[Texasred]

[QUOTE=spsmith;281317]This could also be related to the fact that, when a relationship is new, our brains produce a different kind of hormone that makes the early days of a new relationship feel exciting and passionate. The heart racing...short breath passion that is like a drug to many people. Those hormones subside over a time.../QUOTE] But frequent sex can jump-start them: oxytocin is what a lot of people think is responsible, and more frequent sex produces more oxytocin.
Give it a try!