[THEROCK]

Sometimes people can grow to love eachother but thats sad u went about it this way

[Jimbeau]

Men make the mistake of thinking it's just their physique that makes a woman attracted to them. It has a lot more to do with the things they say and do. A lot of women tell me they find men sexy who can make them laugh, are considerate, or who have a nice look in their eye.

[dorandm]

I wish I had some encouragement to offer. I am going through a very similar thing, except that my wife tells me she wants to end the marriage because she is not attracted to me. We have been married 18 years. She has known she has not found me attractive for at least 5 years, she tells me. I suspect it is much, much longer. She has said for a long time that she "just has a low sex drive" and I always ask if she had a problem with me. She always said "no, just a low sex drive."

For the past 4 months, she has been sleeping in the guest room. She has no intention of sleeping--just sleeping!--with me ever again. It makes her too uncomfortable.

I was hurt that she did not come to me with the problem. This week she admitted that she does not want there to be a solution to the problem. I was even more hurt that she lied to me for nearly 5 years before telling me the truth about such an important problem.

I am also puzzled. She was attracted to me when first we met, or so she says. I have always been a little surprised that any woman would be attracted to me, but it seemed to be true for my wife at first. I know that when I was young, I seemed to be capable of attracting women who liked tall men--I'm just over 6'1" (and while I have weighed as much as 205, I am currently 185).

In addition, this is going to ruin me. I am 50 next birthday, and have supported here while she got her bachelor's degree, master's degree, and doctorate. Now that she is really earning big, she intends to abandon me. I hardly have any retirement savings. I am financially a dead duck.

If anyone has any advice for me other than "prepare yourself for the worse" I'd love to hear it.

I've tried to be a good husband. Do women not want "good husbands"? My impression is that they don't if they look like me.

[oxy-moron]

Surely matrimony law will cover you if she is earning more than you.
You can try something- You can start manipulating her Oxytocin levels through touch.
Go to the reuniting (Search on Oxytocin and reuniting) site and find out why she has drifted away- then start to manipulate her.
It will take months but it will be effective.
Start by quick safe touches. Once twice a day building over time to ten a day. BE SUBTLE.

[jns]

I wish I had some encouragement to offer. I am going through a very similar thing, except that my wife tells me she wants to end the marriage because she is not attracted to me. We have been married 18 years. She has known she has not found me attractive for at least 5 years, she tells me. I suspect it is much, much longer. She has said for a long time that she "just has a low sex drive" and I always ask if she had a problem with me. She always said "no, just a low sex drive."

For the past 4 months, she has been sleeping in the guest room. She has no intention of sleeping--just sleeping!--with me ever again. It makes her too uncomfortable.

I was hurt that she did not come to me with the problem. This week she admitted that she does not want there to be a solution to the problem. I was even more hurt that she lied to me for nearly 5 years before telling me the truth about such an important problem.

I am also puzzled. She was attracted to me when first we met, or so she says. I have always been a little surprised that any woman would be attracted to me, but it seemed to be true for my wife at first. I know that when I was young, I seemed to be capable of attracting women who liked tall men--I'm just over 6'1" (and while I have weighed as much as 205, I am currently 185).

In addition, this is going to ruin me. I am 50 next birthday, and have supported here while she got her bachelor's degree, master's degree, and doctorate. Now that she is really earning big, she intends to abandon me. I hardly have any retirement savings. I am financially a dead duck.

If anyone has any advice for me other than "prepare yourself for the worse" I'd love to hear it.

I've tried to be a good husband. Do women not want "good husbands"? My impression is that they don't if they look like me.

Is she is really intent on abandoning you? Or does she just want a sexless marriage? If you two get divorced, you have a right to a portion of her earnings since you paid for her education, the same as she has a right to a portion of your earnings.

[JadedQueen]

I think top priority should be counseling... at least for your wife for sure. I think depression is playing a big part in her perception of things and her relationship with you. I'm glad to see that regardless of the depression she still recognizes that you are a wonderful husband and father. I think she needs help to work through her depression. It would be wonderful if you could both go to counseling. Hang in there... I hope that things get better for you, I can only imagine how devestating it is to have your partner say something like that to you. Has your wife ever taken meds for her depression?

[dorandm]

Is she is really intent on abandoning you? Or does she just want a sexless marriage?

She has been quite emphatic that she does not want to live in a sexless marriage. She wants to move on.

If you two get divorced, you have a right to a portion of her earnings since you paid for her education, the same as she has a right to a portion of your earnings.

I should mention 2 things quickly: (1) I do not live in the USA. (2) I have spoken to other divorced men, and they tell me that the courts favour women financially--even when there are no kids. (We have no children.)

[dorandm]

I think I should have started my own thread. The original poster may be going to find that he cannot easily find responses to him among the occasional response to me.

[jns]

She has been quite emphatic that she does not want to live in a sexless marriage. She wants to move on.



I should mention 2 things quickly: (1) I do not live in the USA. (2) I have spoken to other divorced men, and they tell me that the courts favour women financially--even when there are no kids. (We have no children.)

It could be that she is depressed as a previous poster said, or she could feel newly independent and empowered with wages she now can get with the education you paid for. If she does not want to work on things, it would be best to cut ties sooner than later. That would give you time to gather resources before your inevitable retirement. Use the courts to give you the most favorable outcome. What country are you in? Maybe someone will have better information for there.

[Jimbeau]

It could be that she is depressed as a previous poster said, or she could feel newly independent and empowered with wages she now can get with the education you paid for.

Or she's meeting other men in her job who float her boat.