[CHANDLERS WISH]

Again a word comes to mind "settle"....

It's difficult in my opinion for most accounts, for people to really know what love is.... And, more importantly how to maintain it, within a relationship it is work like everything else is in life....

I have no doubt that some women I'm sorry, I know I am one, but "some" women look for the good husband, financials, and the good father, he is kind...they throw the rest out the door because, to them it's not important, sex to them is only to have children, they haven't found themselves sexually, until, later.... They are looking purely for the picket fence and so they settle.

Where were the books on keeping a marriage alive way back?

And, the funny thing is, it isn't about sex... It's about bonding, laughing, sharing, respecting, taking time out, dating, putting each other as priority and in that you want sex with your partner, and in that you have a great relationship because you keep working for it.

If throughout the years, it is just work, home, chores, a smile here and there, sex....It's not attractive is it? It's friendship and yes, she goes out some guy smiles at her, finds her attractive and she questions if this is how she wants to continue living her married life? In a friendship.

We can say we love someone....

We can say I don't understand why?

But, ask yourself if you have been living in a friendship, with a friend for too long and both had/have forgotten what constitutes a relationship....The honeymoon phase doesn't, shouldn't end, it should only get stronger and stronger onto new adventures and new depths of bonding....

I'm sorry if your wife was one of those women, whom married for the wrong reasons....

But, I can say that it's not the end of the World, other than the many years wasted, imagine what you won't do time or what you will do next time as a couple who ever she is and yes, there is someone else out there and I know your heart is broken but trust me, you don't want to live like that anymore anyway do you?

You deserve better in that yourself don't you?

[Jimbeau]

Would love to hear the wives' sides of these stories. I have a tough time believing if you make all the right moves in and out of the sack a woman isn't going to be attracted to you, particularly one who thought at least at one time you were worth getting hitched to. My guess would be a lot of these women got bored because their Prince Charming turned himself into a frog.

[oxy-moron]

Again a word comes to mind "settle"....


You deserve better in that yourself don't you?

CW
more questions than answers.

When it comes down to it- lives are complex. Feelings are complex. Relationships are complex. Personalties play a huge role. Guilt - shame- honour- respect all players in the game.
You are right that it takes effort- but the dynamics change- a child or three is born- demanding attention. The daily humdrum carries on. The correct amount of attention is not given. By either party.

Maybe years before mother tells child" don't touch that its dirty". A subconscious message is carried in the future by the wife.

Scientific female brain scan testing in Denmark shows-
"During orgasm, there was strong, enormous deactivation in the brain. During fake orgasm, there was no deactivation of the brain at all. None," Holstege said. "It looks like to have an orgasm, you need to not be fearful or full of anxiety."

So in reality a situation could play out like this.

She(subconciously) doesnt want touch because of what her mother told her.
She does it out of duty and because she loves him.
All of a sudden the guilt and anxiety parts of the brain are shutting down.
OH YEAH That feels so good . (Insert dirty talk here)
Orgasm!!!!!!!!!!!
Then Prolactin takes over to shut things down. The normal brain is back in service.
Shame and embarrasment take over - Good girls dont enjoy that nasty stuff. Mummy would not approve.

After a while the whole seasaw pattern takes its toll and the whole thing is seen as a negative experience.

Once you add depression and personality issues to the mix it all gets quite ugly.
And maybe its all just her view from a negative perspective.

?????????????