[thecute1331]

Ok i know this question has been asked before. I have searched.. and searched... AND SEARCHED, but I can't seem to find an answer. My boyriend and i love each other truely. We try to have sex and everything, its really good sex. Yet, he can't seem to cum. He wants me. He is always the first one to make the moves. He wants to have sex a lot but it seems it never works. He only gets hard when he touches himsel real quick before either of us put it in me. I can't make him cum. He always has to jack himself off. I keep trying at it but it never works no matter what i try doing between us. He seems like he is loving it and wants it badly but it never happens. I get so sad thinking about it. Just today I was giving him a blowjob and I was doing really good but then he was like "Rub it with your hand baby" so i tried. I know he said that cause he elt bad that he hurt my throat. I tried rubbing it. He then moved my hand and started doing it himself. It makes me feel horrible. How can we change this?

[Hopeless Dork]

Yes this can be changed -- but he'll have to be the one to change it. He would have to be willing to give up masturbating for a while.. so that he could become more sensitive to your touches, to your vagina, to your mouth. He has conditioned himself, it sounds, to his own personal grip and while its worked great for him -- its not condusive to a healthy sexual relationship. At the very least he should not masturbate the day of an encounter with you, and hopefully he can stifle his urges for even a few days before... to just save up his desires for when he's with you... this will make his penis much more repsonsive... to any of your stimulation attempts.

[Jimbeau]

If porn movies imitate life, you might conclude that 90% of men have this problem.

[Guest]

HD is spot on. He associates cumming with his own hand, and he must change this. Sometimes it takes us men a little while before we are comfortable letting our new g/f make us and see us cum. It's a trust thing. Once we are over this hurdle, it's much better for her to do the regular relieving than for us to do it. I don't live with my g/f. We see each other twice a week. She is coming over to see me today and I have not masturbated since last I saw her. To me, I try to relate the release of ejaculate only by my g/f's hand, mouth or vagina. In this way I never have sex without her and I always rely on her body to do the relieving. The only problem sometimes is that I always have to ask her to do it(which she does) It would be very nice if she asked me occasionally if I needed her to do it, or even better just did it.

[LilahX]

You could incorporate masturbation into your lovemaking and use it as a learning tool (no pun intended!). Mutual masturbation can be a turn on, just relaxing and watching each other. Take the time to watch his 'technique' so can replicate it. I make a point of doing this b/c I'm not a guy and I don't know what feels best so I watch my man's rhythm and pressure and hand position so I can imitate it when I touch him. I think a lot of women just pump hard with their hands (or mouth) and think that's all it takes. Don't be afraid to ask him what he likes, to coach you. This added element of 'dirty talk' may be just the 'spice' he needs to keep him wanting you to be the one doing the touching rather than himself.

[rcoreyus]

Don't forget that the brain is the most important sex organ. Find out what he fantasizes about, and play to that (assuming hits something you are OK with).