[Mann4]

Hi my first time posting,

My husband and I have an active sex life, we do most things, Anal, Oral ect.

But today my husband asked me to try bondage, I have never done this before and am not sure I like the idea he wants to tie me up while we have sex. He said I could do it to him as well, and I like the idea. It would be great to tie him up and whip him a bit before we have sex with him in a submissive position.
But I am not sure I want him to do it to be, am I being selfish? Should I just let him tie me up? I just don't like the feeling of not being able to control things, but I can see why it might turn him on giving I would love to do it to him. Do you think I should try it? Does anyone know if it hurts, he has got numerous chains collars and cuffs and I wonder if they might hurt.

Can anyone offer me any advice from there experinces?
am I being selfish?
should I let him tie me up?

[rcoreyus]

First thing - have a safe word. That is something that either person can say to end the game ("red!" works). It is easy in the middle of this type of play to not recognize that your partner isn't having fun anymore. Needless to say always immediately stop if they use the safe word. Its important that the "top" can use the safe word as well - in case they find the situation too weird. If you tie someone up, have a knife or scissors ready to cut them loose quickly if you need to.

Sex shops sell soft cuffs and straps that you can use safely without hurting anyone. I'd avoid metal cuffs - can dig into the skin too much. Otherwise scarves work - but be sure to have a knife to cut them. Don't tie anything too tight - the bottom (tied up person) will be struggling a bit, but not seriously trying to escape.

Don't do this if you don't want to, but its something a lot of people enjoy - just start very gently.

There is nothing selfish about wanting to be the "top" - its more work and actually more people like to bottom than to top. Ask him what he likes - he might really love it for you to dominate him. Since you think this might be fun, ask him.

Talk with him and find out what type of play you both want. It can be just bondage, can be S/M (with spanking or whipping), can be verbal humiliation ("you dirty S....") - whatever floats both of your boats.


If you tie him up, there are a couple of things you can do:

You can tease him mercilessly, stimulate him almost to orgasm, then stop. Then ride his face and make him give you oral before you will finish him off.

You can roleplay him as your slave - who you will whip (gently at first) if he doesn't do what you want.

Lots more ideas around.

If he ties you up, think of some fantasy you have of being controlled. (if you have any).

Generally these games are mostly played for the enjoyment of the bottom, not the top.

I have friends who do a lot of this. If you have a better idea of what you both like I can provide more suggestions.

[Guest]

I'm no expert, but to me bondage simply means being restrained or "tied up". Where does the thought of whipping enter the picture?

You can tie someone up with panty hose, $2 silk ties from Goodwill or some other gentle means.

I agree with the idea of a safe word.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. So if you do it to him, you should let him do it to you.

Have fun!

[rcoreyus]

I'd disagree with the goose and gander part. Some people like being tops, some bottoms, some both, some neither. There may be no need to compromise here, he may enjoy being a bottom and her a top - great, they can have fun.

If he only wants to be a top, and it sounds like she would only enjoy being a top, its more difficult. I don't think that bondage is something someone should do if they don't want to. If she is OK with it, she might humor him sometimes.

Whipping doesn't need to be part of bondage but it can be. One reason its really important to communicate what each person wants and expects .

They might also try and see what they like - different things may be more or less fun than they originally thought.

[WannaBee]

If you do this for the first time, it won't be such a bad idea to ask from time to time if everything is fine.
I know that it somewhat kills the mood. Considering you are still getting to know each other AND yourselves and you plan to have more bondage sex in the future, it is worth it.

Bondage is normally just tying up. Whipping and spanking are extras. Some like them, some don't.

If you Mann4 are not comfortable (yet) with being tied up, ask your man to go first!

Belts of bathrobes work well too. Maybe for starters don't use any restraints but a blindfold. The blindfolded partner will be the passive one. Either use a scarf or get a blindfold in a travel shop. They sell them to be used as sleeping aids, shouldn't cost more than a fiver (any major currency).

[aj2sheds]

I agree with the others - if he's more willing to go first than you are, take him up on his offer! When my bf and I played around like this, we did it that way - I tied his hands to the headboard with a scarf and but a blindfold on him, and we had an awesome time. Next night I was okay being the bottom, so he tied my hands like I did him, but he also tied one of my ankles to the bedpost with a belt (after asking, of course). It was GREAT! We both loved it and had a great time and are eager to try out other things in this area. Play around with it, but don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable; it's okay to ease in by degrees. Oh, and definitely have a safe word like rcoreyus said, or even two - maybe one word that signifies "Stop doing this particular thing but we can still play and try something else" and a second that signifies "Stop everything immediately," i.e. "yellow" and "red."

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Bondage sounds scary right?

Yet tying you up, blind folding you, feather on your body, liking you, touching you so you have no idea what to expect next, oral, running his fingers in areas that are NOT part of our parts, massage, slowly entering, teezing you, you have no idea what is next but you have no fear because you communicated all of this up front he sees the scenario, the beginning, the end and he can elaborate, this is what I think you would accept........

Not bondage, rather sensual if that be the case? Communicate that, a slight spank may be part of it, as a shock value but make sure you let him know it's all slight in that regard, slight, soft, different and you'd be happy to try it.

CW

[rcoreyus]

Seeker-advice, sorry didn't mean it personally. Your post seemed to me to imply that it was only "fair" for her to let him tie her up if she got to tie him up. This to me implied that bondage games were done mostly for the enjoyment of the "top". From people I've talked with, my impression is that if anything more people want to be bottoms than tops. If that's true, then she has no reason to feel that she should be tied up just because she is tying him up, as some sort of fair play.

Maybe the tone of my post was off - it was intended as a friendly disagreement / discussion, not a complaint. I tend to view these treads as open discussions, not direct responses to the original question, but maybe not everyone sees it that way.

no offence intended
RC

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Just to clarify, point out and make known again.

This Forum is for "opinions" people can and will agree, or dis-agree with someone else's opinion and that in-deed does make it an open discussion.

If a member chooses to take offense, I suggest that they VM or PM Little, myself or a Moderator whom they are comfortable with and pose the question, not write on a thread dissing another member.

No offence Corey should have even been taken.

I also do not believe in *** for tat, that's the Aussie version, it's a matter of agreeing or dis-agreeing.

CW