[Guest]

Hi ya
. I am seriously expecting her to buy a vibrator soon (if she hasnt already got one) either just for her use or for "our" fun but from a blokes point of view this surely would be for her benefit and somewhat replacing me, I doubt she'd be happy if I bought a Fleshlight (google it if you havent heard of this) or blowup doll!

I have some advice for you, go out and buy her a rabbit. It will show her you love her and your open to new ideas. Secondly, a rabbit has the potential to greatly increase you're sex life. It will not replace your penis but will actually increase how often you have sex. The rabbit is great in warming her up for intercourse. She will have extremely strong orgasms but nothing can replace your . It is extremely hot watching a girl writhing in estacy while you plunge in her rabbit.

My spouse had similar changes in her drive in the last year. It temporary I think so take advantage of the situation and enjoy yourself.

[Tod121]

I look at all sorts of stuff online. I'm not married but if I were or had a guy living with me who looked through my history he'd probably come up with all sorts of things in his mind that are far from true. I'm a curious person, I like to look around, one things leads me to another thing and then another etc. I think unless I found her joining adult sites to meet others I'd be minimally concerned with what she searches online. This, is one of the many reasons I have little interest in marrying or living with someone. I value my privacy, and I want someone who values my privacy as well. When you search her searches, it leaves you to come up with in your own mind why she was looking at this or that. Do you look at porn? Does a sexy girl turn you on a bit? Do you masturbate? If so, then you can't say alot about her doing those things as well. As for vibrators, I have never considered a vibrator a man replacement. They are totally different and are often a wonderful addition to a sex life. For a woman, depending on her build, masturbating with fingers can be difficult and uncomfortable (unable to "hit the spot" so to speak). Her using a dildo or vibrator to masturbate with is no different than you using your hand, IMO.

I guess it's the classic, "too much of a good thing". One extreme or the other, seeking a happy medium. I hope you are able to find it. Just remember that back when you weren't getting the sex you wanted, you were probably taking care of it yourself alot, right? So now, her sex drive is rampant and you don't want it as much as she does...... so whats the hurt in her taking care of it herself?

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I agree that if a man masturbates then why shouldnt his Wife? Upto about 18 months ago I didnt even consider my wife would get herself off when I wasnt around but her naughty text messages to me soon realligned my understanding on that!! What shocks me is the amount of (on-line) sexual interest she is now displaying AND that she is showing signs of wanting to use more than just her fingers. This is the difference to a bloke masturbating as we would normally just use our hand and not need a device representing the opposite sex genitals ;-) (probably bigger and stiffer than a normal bloke too) I saw a comedian on stage the other day who held up a Rampant Rabbit vibrator, switched it on and watched it wiggle around and said what bloke can compete with that? Very funny but also very true!!

[Tod121]

IMO why are people telling you that your wife seems "bored?"...

I can only conclude that she has told them that and that, has nothing to do with sex, rather what else happens in her life other than housework?

Sounds to me that she is finding herself and sex is only one component of that.. Your fear of that is what she may "look" for outside of the house I don't think is your concern...

Your concern should be, what makes her laugh? Interests her? And, how can the two of you start a date night, once a week and do things that make you both laugh...

No woman enjoys "just" tending to a house and I appreciate you work, but like everything in life, it takes effort to keep it total and happy.

CW

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Yep, focusing on her and her needs has greatly improved our relationship and is what is behind this relaunched sexual drive.
Only last week we went out on a "date" which went well except she was drinking and I was driving which meant I was stone cold sober and we "parked up" to enjoy the night time view over over a nearby city, she quickly showed me she wanted some naughty car action but being sober meant I was very aware of others driving and parking near us, with headlights focused on our car it was a bit off putting so we just left, by the time we got home, I was exhausted and ready to go to bed to sleep but she had other ideas and was very angry when I didnt carry things on. My fault I guess but I couldnt help feeling incredibly tired. All that said, I asked her later if she'd go on another date and she is up for it.
On the boredom front, she was deemed bored because she has alot to do around the house but instead of cracking on like you do if you are in an office or other place of work, she'll spend hours on-line looking up sex, so living in a bit of a fantasy world and ignoring what needs to be done (harsh but what if we all did what we want rather than what needs to be done). All that said, not sure if "bored" would be the best description but she'll compain about her boring housework.

[Tod121]

Yes it is normal.
You know, you were complaining she used to not be interested enough in sex? Maybe that's because on occasion you were turning HER down because you were (quoting you, now) "...not that fired up (had a long day, tired, etc)."
How about, in a case like that, you just play along anyway, just for her benefit?
You wouldn't necessarily have to go for hours to please her, and who knows? your attitude might change mid-stream, so to speak!
A little consideration like this can pay huge benefits in the long run. It's possible she'd return the favor some night when you were horny and SHE was tired, had a hard day, etc.
Good luck,
TR

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Good ideas, I'll give them a try next time, just struggling with fatigue right now (partly due to the increase in bedroom activities).

[Tod121]

My husband learned not to snoop on my browsing history. He also knows to let me entertain myself when he hasn't been in the mood. He's bought me several toys as presents for that purpose. It's not a replacement. It's no different than you masturbating if your wife hasn't wanted sex in a month. Everyone needs release. Being able to release some of that energy yourself helps keep the relationship balanced since rarely does both people's sex drive perfectly line up. My husband also often uses toys on me when he doesn't want sex or finishes quickly and I take care of his needs when I'm on my period and don't want sex. It's just much easier for guys to reach orgasm without help from things like vibrators and fleshlights (I do keep offering to buy him a fleshlight). It's impossible for me to have an orgasm without using something. I've been masturbating since before I started having my period and that was pretty early and fingers have never been enough. No one can make me orgasm with just fingers. I got rather creative as a teenager before I could buy proper toys.

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Soneone once told me (on this site actually) not to introduce toys into the bedroom UNLESS your sexual relationship is solid. We are going great guns right now BUT only about 5 months ago we were looking very shaky (I.E only having sex once every 6-8 weeks), I was told I would end up like him and taking a sideline as his wife now prefers her toys to him!! It would be disasterous to end up like this!

[kira]

If a woman prefers toys to her partner then there is something going wrong in the relationship. Either there's a relationship problem making her not want to be intimate or there's a communications problem about sexual preferences. Again this is the same as a guy masturbating in place of sex. No matter how good it feels you want sex with your partner. Most of the time you probably even want sex with your partner over a blowjob. The use of toys does not change things. If you fix the problems then sex will go back to how it was irregardless of toys. The only difference is women can masturbate as many times as they want and still have sex so masturbation may continue even if they are satisfied with their sex life. Which sometimes upsets insecure guys. I have sex with my husband often enough to regularly reach the point he's no longer capable and I still use toys often to satisfy my sex drive.

[Tod121]

Any other thoughts on this one, my Wife asked if we can shop on-line together on an adult website (on the premise of buying lingerie, but I suspect she will suggest clicking on a link to some adult toys!!). I am torn, part of me would love for us to play with these toys but the other part of me feels it may be the beginning of the end of my envolvment, some would say that if a woman uses toys, her partner obviously isnt "doing it for her".

[WildChild]

How about shying away from dildos and vibrators and getting things that are more in the arousal category?
I suggest that you get a copy of The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand and start directing things more to the sensual, tantric world of intimacy and enhanced connection and awareness, rather than the world of hard "toys".

I don't know what country or part of a country you are in but I bet there are tantric activities somewhere near you (unless you are totally out in the sticks) why not attend a class or a start with something like a heart puja? Encourage your wife to work on kegels and other exercises to improve her level of feeling. Get her some ben wa balls and a kegel master rather than "toys" - you will both get an enhanced sexual experience out of that. You can do kegels as well to improve your erection and control - won't hurt and as you get older it can make a big difference.

[oxy-moron]

Hi Tod.
We have been using vibes for at least 10 Years. Only for clit stimulation.
The use has dropped off a bit as I was previously a bit guilty of using vibes to do the work.
Try what WC suggests - you can learn it online as well.

[rcoreyus]

I think its possible for a couple to have a great time with sex toys and porn as a way to broaden and spice up their sex life. I think it also possible for people to substitute sex toys and porn for time with their partner if their sex life was poor to begin with.

Any other thoughts on this one, my Wife asked if we can shop on-line together on an adult website (on the premise of buying lingerie, but I suspect she will suggest clicking on a link to some adult toys!!). I am torn, part of me would love for us to play with these toys but the other part of me feels it may be the beginning of the end of my envolvment, some would say that if a woman uses toys, her partner obviously isnt "doing it for her".