[jns]

this is interesting to me...becasue me personaly I loveee watching the way a bj makes him feel..i get turned on just by him being turned on ( wierd ? i dont know.. like i said he is the longest lover i had) I would of thought it was the same with men

Some, but not all, women get turned on by their SO's reactions. Some, but not all men, get turned on by their SO's reactions. Your SO probably realized he was not getting turned on by giving you oral, so he decided to quit instead of doing it for your pleasure. He is being selfish and by saying he thought you didn't like it, he is projecting his own feelings. Can you live with the situation as it is? If not, it is best to start over.

It seems that you went beyond the call of duty to make sure that you were OK.

[lostinlove123]

I can live with this being like this. also if things work out and we are ok when he get's home I will try turning things around in the bed room. If it dont work then so be it I still love him..but heck im going to try..I know everyone says if he's like that now he will always be..well maybe ill try intruducing new things and see were that goes..if it does good great if not oh-well. I can live with it. Oh-and yes I made sure i was ok..b/c i really thought there was somthing wrong that he didnt want to. Because in my last failed relashionship ( 2 yrs with my ex..way before my fiancee) my ex enjoyed doing this favor more then sex..infact our first year was only oral we only had sex a handfull of time.

[rcoreyus]

It takes two interested enthusiastic people to have good sex, or even to make it worthwhile at all. Other than not giving you oral, does he go out of his way to please you in other ways?

[lostinlove123]

he does try with his hands and its good alot of times..but when it's not i try 'showing him' but when I do that i think he lose's cofidence or gets shy idk and says "ohhh never mind"..lol I tell him "it's ok im just showing u what makes me feel good"..in my best sexy lousice lol but it failes alot b/c of him being shy or feeling bad that he is not doing it right..I did suggest toy's'n stuff but he's not all for that..but i think im going to do my self alittle shopping anyway and try to open him up more...idk if porn would be a good idea i have been reading alot of post on here and some ppl do this?..

[lostinlove123]

i can always intruduce toys if he is up to it..maybe that will work..im not sure were to start considering i never really did anything like that ( not counting my litttle outfit that went wrong lol) Now i can live with it b/c i love him..i cant see that changing. But I do agree maybe after awhile I will get to fustrated with him...this is why i want to try fixing it now :-/

[lostinlove123]

the other thing..we did have alittle problem with porn a couple months ago..He was not as in to sex when I wanted it and then i found porn on his c/p but he 100% denied it..yet i didnt take it well i got ****ed and put the porn in his face and said " is this what u want to see..why dont u watch it in front of me instead of hiding behind my back" ..then i started saying " is this why your not wanting to have sex?"...i was mad and took it very badley...iwas just upset b/c he didnt want to have sex yet he wanted to jerk off to porn..anyway he still 100% denies it..and a couple days after i apoligized and just explained to him that he has me here and willing and i dont mind him watching porn if we are having sex enouph....so after that i tryed putting porn on a couple times while giveing him bj or somthnig but he would shut it off...so i think i messed up on the porn thing but maybe i should try again?

[spsmith]

Hi lostinlove...

I have the exact same issue, but from a guy's point of view...I love foreplay, especially giving oral sex, but my wife has more of the "just put it in" attitude. Sometimes, it's because she just wants to get it over with, but not always. She tells me it's because she is much more into penetration than other stuff, and she does not like receiving oral at all.

I don't know what to say about your bf...I guess I do not have good advice because if my wife said she loved for me to go down on her...I'd be there every night. If you find a way to get your bf turned on to foreplay, please let me know what worked for you. I have a fantasy that I finally convince my wife to relax and let me go down on her, she loves it, and then my worries are over! If it were only that simple

[rcoreyus]

People's sexual interests vary a lot, as these posts show. Incompatibility can lead to a lot of unhappiness in the future.

Lostinlove123, your situation reminds me a bit of someone who used to post here some time ago - don't know if she still reads this. She tried for years to make her sex life work with her boyfriend, but eventually gave it up. As soon as she started dating someone else she discovered what she had been missing for those years.

[lostinlove123]

I really understand what you all are saying yet I really do want to give this relashionship another chance..when he gets back home ( if everything is ok with me and him) I want to try things that are totaly new..maybe to get his sex drive going again...Does anyone have any advice or website they know of that explains how to be more "in charge" as far as the bedroom goes...I never really did this he always called the moves..I want to be the one in charge this time i just dont know how to start...And if things dont go well i guess i got some long hard thinking to do about were we are in this relashionship..like someone commented before its better knowing now then when we are married if we are not right for each other. By the way thats for all the good advice everyone

[rcoreyus]

Taking charge may work, but it may drive him away even more. Has he given any hints that he wants you to take charge? Don't get me wrong - many men would love that (including me - um that's not a proposition BTW ), but someone who already doesn't have much interest in sex may just see it as more pressure.

On the other hand, you don't have a lot to lose, so you can give it a try as long as you can accept being rejected again.

Is he able to talk about what he wants?