[September728]

my boyfriend I had sex for the first time about two days ago. It was the first time for both of us. I had the usual pain i would expect having sex for the first time, but after we had stopped for only a few minutes, he couldn't get back in. like my vagina had tightened back up or something. I was wet and so was he, so that wasnt the problem. Anyone know what happened or have experienced this before?

[Guest]

The pain you encountered your first try may have induced some anxieties about having another go. If you were a little nervous, you may have involuntarily cinched up (kegels tightening) before the second try. Next time you try, just make sure he spends a lot of time on you, making sure you are relaxed, comfortable and turned on!

[September728]

I was quite nervous lol, I just thought there was something wrong with me since it was okay once he got in the first time. Thank you for the advice!

[jns]

my boyfriend I had sex for the first time about two days ago. It was the first time for both of us. I had the usual pain i would expect having sex for the first time, but after we had stopped for only a few minutes, he couldn't get back in. like my vagina had tightened back up or something. I was wet and so was he, so that wasnt the problem. Anyone know what happened or have experienced this before?

Doing enough foreplay so you have several orgasms before sex may help on this. You probably got wet from the anticipation of the sex or from some foreplay, but getting wet may not be enough when you are tight to start with and some discomfort, even minor discomfort causes you to tighten some more. More foreplay, even between sessions, can help you relax.

[September728]

Doing enough foreplay so you have several orgasms before sex may help on this. You probably got wet from the anticipation of the sex or from some foreplay, but getting wet may not be enough when you are tight to start with and some discomfort, even minor discomfort causes you to tighten some more. More foreplay, even between sessions, can help you relax.

So I could've thightening up and I wasn't even realizing it you mean?

[jns]

So I could've thightening up and I wasn't even realizing it you mean?

Absolutely. What is your reaction to cold, such as going into cold water? It is to tighten up. It is like that for any pain and anxiety can produce the same response before the stimulus is ever applied. The reaction is not in the logical part of the brain, so unthinking it will not work.

As an illustration, one of the reaction characteristics of shooting large rifles or shotguns is to flinch. It generally doesn't happen the first time a gun is shot unless the person relates it to another gun that kicks. If a little space is left between the shoulder and the gun, a gun that normally doesn't hurt can tattoo your shoulder pretty good. And as you move to powerful guns, they can all hurt. In addition, the loud sound may cause flinching especially without hearing protection. For accuracy, you cannot flinch when you pull the trigger. Therefore you have to reduce or eliminate the flinch reaction. You do this by conditioning, such as what Pavlov talked about. You do shooting with lower power guns and build yourself up to the kick of the gun, so when you finally are using a powerful one, you have no reaction as you squeeze the trigger. You also condition your mind and you expectations of what you will hear so you don't react. Note that this takes time.

With the sex it is the same but different. As you have sex more, your body will become more accommodating. At the same time you will learn to relax and enjoy it. With proper foreplay that hopefully includes you orgasming one or more times, you body will be even more accommodating. The first time you and your body didn't really know what to expect, so the reactions were natural, not conditioned.

[September728]

Absolutely. What is your reaction to cold, such as going into cold water? It is to tighten up. It is like that for any pain and anxiety can produce the same response before the stimulus is ever applied. The reaction is not in the logical part of the brain, so unthinking it will not work.

As an illustration, one of the reaction characteristics of shooting large rifles or shotguns is to flinch. It generally doesn't happen the first time a gun is shot unless the person relates it to another gun that kicks. If a little space is left between the shoulder and the gun, a gun that normally doesn't hurt can tattoo your shoulder pretty good. And as you move to powerful guns, they can all hurt. In addition, the loud sound may cause flinching especially without hearing protection. For accuracy, you cannot flinch when you pull the trigger. Therefore you have to reduce or eliminate the flinch reaction. You do this by conditioning, such as what Pavlov talked about. You do shooting with lower power guns and build yourself up to the kick of the gun, so when you finally are using a powerful one, you have no reaction as you squeeze the trigger. You also condition your mind and you expectations of what you will hear so you don't react. Note that this takes time.

With the sex it is the same but different. As you have sex more, your body will become more accommodating. At the same time you will learn to relax and enjoy it. With proper foreplay that hopefully includes you orgasming one or more times, you body will be even more accommodating. The first time you and your body didn't really know what to expect, so the reactions were natural, not conditioned.

That makes total sense. Thank your very much!