[jns]

Are you sure she's having an orgasm????? 50 seconds and even 5 minutes is EXTREMELY rare for a woman to have an orgasm...it usually takes around 15 to 20 minutes at least!

Some women orgasm in a few minutes with proper stimulation, others take a lot longer: 15 minutes is possible and one hour is also possible. I personally know this.

[ska1331]

I at one point in time had a similar problem with my wife. She would be suggestive and tease all day, then at night in bed after she got hers during foreplay, she would say thats it or find some reason to stop. The worst was when she would go through with sex, she would start listing all the things she needed me to do around the house or bills that needed payed. It eventually got so bad I refused to even attemp sex or foreplay with her. Eventually ( after me filing for a separation) we sought counselling. Her issue was that she felt sex was something used to control your SO with. I'm not saying this is your issue, but deffinitely need some seriouse communitation between you two to solve this. There are any number of reasons why, but you'll never know with out communication.

[Guest]

Evening/morning all. I'm after a bit of advice.

I've been with my girlfrind for 3 years. We're 22 and live together. Apart from the first 6 months or so, she hasn't really been very interested in sex (once or twice a week), but it's progressively nosedived to the point that she now never wants it.

I admit that at times I've probably been a bit overbearing by frequently trying to touch her/kiss her/etc, and she suggested if I lay off that I might get my way more. Except, I don't. I'm on here because all day she's been hinting at having some sort of sex tonight (we're out of condoms so it would be limited to touching/oral). She even shaved down there, and told me to make sure I was clean (she has a thing about cleanliness/smell, and if I haven't washed within 2-3 hours before, she won't go near me/it even if I smell like roses).

So we get in bed, she complains about feeling sick and turns her back to me. I cuddle up to her, put my hand on her hip and she moves it where she wants it. I touch her, she finishes & wanders off to the bathroom to clean up. My turn next, presumably. Except she gets in bed, faces the other way, tells me to stop fidgetting and go to sleep because she has to be up early. This happens fairly frequently - I touch her probably three times a week, probably only 50% of the time she'll return the favour.

She quite often says she's not up for anything but will sort me out when we get to bed. However what she says and what she actually does are 2 different things, and whereas she'll say 4 or 5 times a week that she'll sort me out, I'll get it once or twice maximum. Even then, there's always something wrong. I jokingly pushed her head down the last time she did it, she started moaning about her head hurting. I pushed it gently! If you've ever been moaned at during sex (and not in a good way), you'll know that the mood is ruined. It's a combination of that, and me thinking 'oh here we go again'. That time, I rolled over & went to sleep. Another time I stroked her hair while she did it; she stopped, rolled backwards and said it'd made her sleepy, and that was that.

So, can anyone offer any advice? She's always flirting with me, lifting her top up, pushing her boobs/bum into me and making sexual suggestions. However except for a quick peck on the lips we kiss maybe once a week. I try to kiss her, she turns her head away and just cuddles me - which is another thing; she always wants to cuddle. In bed, while watching TV, while cooking, everything. Even when I'm touching her, our heads will be 2" apart but she'll be facing the other way. I realised today that we've used 9 condoms since the beginning of May. I love her but at 22 I'm starting to feel that I'm missing out, and that another 50-60 years of this won't be fun.

Thanks!

This does not sound like a woman who cares about your needs, at all. If I was you, I would be tremendously worried about the next 50-60! You are too young to settle for that, there are beautiful women everywhere!

Tell her she is welcome to date her hand if thats all she wants.

[anonymoushelp]

oh okay. well if that's the case then I think yall need to talk again about the whole thing and how you think it's not fair. I know it will probably cause tension but it's best to bring it up now so you don't resent her later

[Texasred]

I at one point in time had a similar problem with my wife. She would be suggestive and tease all day, then at night in bed after she got hers during foreplay, she would say thats it or find some reason to stop. The worst was when she would go through with sex, she would start listing all the things she needed me to do around the house or bills that needed payed. It eventually got so bad I refused to even attempt sex or foreplay with her. Eventually ( after me filing for a separation) we sought counselling. Her issue was that she felt sex was something used to control your SO with.

You're making me think we're married to the same woman - that's exactly how she behaves!
Except mine would never agree to couseling of any sort: she thinks it's just my problem.
For the OP, I'd strongly suggest that he seriously consider the "running shoes option" as mentioned by Oxymoron!
There's even a song for inspiration: "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"...

[Texasred]

You are too young to settle for that, there are beautiful women everywhere!

There are beautiful, warm, affectionate, loving women everywhere.
You don't have to solve the entire world's problems, one hung-up woman at a time.

[ska1331]

Well Texasred, I asked my wife for "us" to seek councelling. She said the prob was me not her and freaked out on me. After 6 months of trying I filed for the big D. We were seperated for a year. On the day to sign the final papers she said ok fine I'll go to a counselor. She told me she didn't think I would go thru with it and I wasn't serious. If you set boundaries in your relationship you have to stand firm. Abuse by either partner should never be tolerated. Meeting your partners need and then being flatout denide to have yours considered is abuse in my opinion.

[oxy-moron]

Frustr8eed-
Remember that you are dealing with people here who have played the same game for many years. A selfish person is not going to change.

You could do your stimulation with the head of your penis instead of your fingers.
Just rub it over her bits as if it were a finger.

[jns]

Well Texasred, I asked my wife for "us" to seek councelling. She said the prob was me not her and freaked out on me. After 6 months of trying I filed for the big D. We were seperated for a year. On the day to sign the final papers she said ok fine I'll go to a counselor. She told me she didn't think I would go thru with it and I wasn't serious. If you set boundaries in your relationship you have to stand firm. Abuse by either partner should never be tolerated. Meeting your partners need and then being flatout denide to have yours considered is abuse in my opinion.

When you have a person who takes brinksmanship to the bitter end, you have to conclude they are highly delusional. I take it you abandoned the divorce. How has that worked out? It sounds like you have had some high points, but there are still low points.

[ska1331]

Actually, we decided to skip signing the papers and made an appointment for councelling right then and there in the court house, much to the dismay of our attourneys. We had some rough patches of the last 20yrs, but where we are now in our relationship was well worth it. With her it wasn't just controlling with sex but every aspect. It took awhile for her to learn I was with her by choice, not her controling me. By each of us releasing control, we have become free to love each other more.