[Annonomous]

I just confirmed this morning what i may have thought to be true a few months back. My boyfriend left his Craigslist account open on the computer today and i noticed he had placed an ad last October about "anyone hosting fun, i'm So and So", the title was "Bottom looker". I had to google what BOTTOM LOOKER was. Wow, what a shock. He placed the ad while he was in Vegas for a conference. We had been dating a month by that time. I don't know what to say or do at this point. I'm completely lost. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. I think i could possibly work through him being bisexual, as i may be a closet bisexual as well, and i don't want to throw a double standard on him. But i just have no one to turn to to ask for advice. Not a single person that wouldn't judge me and/or him. I need help…..

[heybobsh]

I am a man and have have been though this issue since I am bisexual. When I was working up the courage to tell my partner that I was bisexual, I used to fantasize that she would respond that she too had bisexual tendencies (this did not turn out to be the case in my situation). I would encourage you to speak frankly to your partner and tell him that you know that he also likes men. Tell him that you also have bisexual thoughts and that you would like for both of you to work through this issue together. You need to keep in mind however that he might be now or eventually be more homosexual than bisexual. You need to discuss these potential eventualities up front and honestly.

I wish you the best of luck on your discussions.

[kygirl]

Were you exclusive at that point? I guess that would be my first question. If not, then technically... He didn't cheat on you. Secondly, you look at this computer. So, not sure you really want to bring that one up. If you were exclusive, then you have to figure out whether you want to deal with the fact that he cheated or not, but mentioning you checked the Craigslist when it was up, brings up a whole different set of issues. If you weren't exclusive and you still want to be with him, I would maybe ask him some questions about how he feels about bisexuals, etc. Maybe tell him that there have been times you were attracted to women... try to engage him in conversation. Eventually, you both are going to have to figure out where you stand so it's better to try to figure it out now than later IMO. Good luck

[ecsdgirl]

I just confirmed this morning what i may have thought to be true a few months back. My boyfriend left his Craigslist account open on the computer today and i noticed he had placed an ad last October about "anyone hosting fun, i'm So and So", the title was "Bottom looker". I had to google what BOTTOM LOOKER was. Wow, what a shock. He placed the ad while he was in Vegas for a conference. We had been dating a month by that time. I don't know what to say or do at this point. I'm completely lost. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. I think i could possibly work through him being bisexual, as i may be a closet bisexual as well, and i don't want to throw a double standard on him. But i just have no one to turn to to ask for advice. Not a single person that wouldn't judge me and/or him. I need help…..

This exact thing happened to me, and I too found out because he left his CL and email open. I wasn't snooping, I asked if I could use his laptop and I got the shock of my life. I am Bi sexual I have been out for years, I love men but I also enjoy women as well. My BF has always allowed me to be who I am and he has even participated. We have gone to swingers clubs, and party's together. We have had both men and women in our bed as a couple. He always insists the men be "straight" he gay bashes a lot, so imagine my shock and surprise to find out he was no only BI but he too is a bottom. It appears to be normal for a BI man to bottom as they get all the top action with women. It allows them to be the "man" at home with their female partner but apparently they get what they need from men only when they bottom. the other thing I have learned is that they enjoy giving oral with men but not generally with women, and they enjoy getting oral from women but not from men. Being Bi sexual for a man is incredibly difficult from what I have read. Most people say Bi sexual men are really closet Gay, I have found though that this is not true most of the time.

I too was worried I would be judged. You are not alone. believe it or not we are in the majority of women who's men are on the DL. I haven't told him I know yet, I suspect you may not have either, you know him better than anyone, brace yourself most closet Bi men take a "fight or flight" approach and many run. Be supportive and embrace it. I have been trying to get him to agree to let me top him as a way to try and bring him out, and he hasn't said no but he hasn't let me do it yet either.

I pray for you, that you can keep him and share with him this part of his life. I pray the same for myself.