[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'm going to have to agree with everyone as well.

The first thing I thought was "wow, aweee" because it wasn't to a picture of someone else, it wasn't porn and to me it was connecting, missing your intimacy, you after all you haven't had sex due to your accident this was the next best thing for him to have that, with you.

In addition the boys can state that a month without sex is very difficult for an active man not in the act of it but in the need for the release of sperm... They know more than me

Don't be hurt, hug him and thank him for missing the intimacy with "you" and tell him you understand that he has to release it's nothing to do with masterbation rather the needed release..

[Guest]

spot on CW. For the first time ever, I really feel that a woman understands the need in men.
There's nothing worse than the build up without the knowledge that there will be the chance to release. x

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Gonna hate me on your thread though lols

[Guest]

Also, it is vital for a healthy prostate that us men have regular sperm release. We would much rather have you do it than we do it ourselves, I assure you.

[Guest]

No, CW, never hate you, love you. I think what's happened is that my thread has been taken out of context. It's about those women who moan about their guys masturbating. If they check all the points first, and he still does it, he's a loser. But time after time I see women starting threads on this and it is so obvious to a guy. I'm afraid that a large percentage of women, including my lovely g/f, simply do not understand men's need for sex and regular release. As I said, when you said that you understood the need for release, it was like a bright light was switched on. It was as if you knew what my body needs.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Oh I replied on that thread again

What you have additionally pointed out, then is fair too, because in this scenario it certainly is not your fault Ashleyyyy you can't help getting injured and more than likey are feeling down and flat as well.

But, given that "people" have needs, if you are the one that doesn't due to something like this, consider your partner and look for alternative methods because it's un-fair to have a sex drive and a partner and get nothing for a long period, "we" are human and if not satisfied we have to do it ourselves, me included don't you get the urge yourself? Feel horney and want him? It's the same thing and I would again say, I would be proud that he used your photo.

I get what you are saying Thomas...

[Ashleyyyyy]

Sorry that I posted and bailed on this thread, I got busy and completely forgot about my post here.

What bothers me the most is the lying. We have always had such a open and honest (sometimes too honest) relationship, that I would of never of guessed it. It also doesn't help that he doesn't know if/when he was going to tell me about it either. He said that he feels guilty and horrible afterwards, but it didn't stop him from doing it a second time. He thought doing it himself would be "easier". I am flattered that it was a picture of me but I'm sad that I'm feeling so deceived. I would of "taken care of him" in anyway I could. I wish he would of just said something.

If he had never made such a big deal over not masturbating for our ENTIRE relationship, I don't think I'd feel like this. After 7 years of not doing it until now, it makes me feel like a crappy wife and completely unneeded. I know there are extenuating circumstances with my car accident but I'm nearly healed now and could of given him a BJ. Now I can't help but wonder if he's going to continue doing it and lie about it again.

I understand and appreciate every ones input.
Thank you!

[Ashleyyyyy]

One more thing:

BD is completely right. I'm choosing to pick my battles and trying to move on. The entire thing is still in my head but I'm working on it. We both took Tuesday off from work and spent the day together talking, we went to the movies, hit up Lovers and reconnected (physically and emotionally) in a way that we haven't in a while. We both work for Boeing and the 10+ hour days and working Saturday and Sundays has been hard on our relationship over the last couple months. I understand why he did it and I know we'll be okay. Thanks again.

[Ashlee T.]

That's great Ashley. Choosing your battles is definitely a must in relationships. If we acted on every impulsive feeling we had, we'd fight ALL the time, right? But often after you sleep on something and give it a bit of time, things work themselves out. One thing, I don't think the problem is him masturbating. I think the problem is both of you setting this as somewhat of a "rule" to begin with. Sex with a partner and masturbation should be totally seperate things. One shouldn't interfere with the other. If it does, it's a problem. But when you set boundaries like that in a relationship, even if at one time you both agree to it, you're setting yourself up for betrayal because well, we are free souls no matter how many rules are placed upon us, we are ever changing and what we think in one moment may change to something totally different a year later. Masturbation is something that can be both enjoyable AND informative. Until I learned to explore my own body I had NO clue how incredibly pleasing sex could be for me. And at one time I would've told you, "I wouldn't do it. It does NOTHING for me." But the fact is, it has taught me alot about myself and has made me a much better "lover". SO....overstep the boundaries here with him, get out of the comfort zone and be willing to let your relationship evolve to a different level.

I like your name btw but it would be sooo much cooler if it were spelled with an EE instead of an EY. :0)

[rcoreyus]

Ashley - think about whether you really have open communication. I say this because virtually all me (and the great majority of women) masturbate at least occasionally, and if he didn't feel comfortable admitting this to you, then he may not feel he can be open with you. Openness also requires being accepting of all sorts of things that might be disturbing and think about how you react to his telling you any of these:

Most people are at some time attracted to someone other than their spouse. Most don't act on that attraction but I think its very common.

A lot of people masturbate occasionally with sex toys and / or porn.

Many people have fantasies about things that others might find offensive: rape fantasies, homosexual fantasies, fantasies about other partners.


Think about your reaction if he were to be open to you about any of the above. Would you be upset? If not, then you are being reasonable and open, and he just isn't quite comfortable enough yet to tell you the truth about everything.