[Ashleyyyyy]

Masterbating to a picture of me. He went to bed and I stayed up out in the livingroom watching TV. I came into our room and caught him with a picture of me. He immediately confessed to it, he didn't try to hide it at all.

Before you go rolling your eyes at me, I am not one of those women who think masterbation is a big deal. I do think it's 100% normal. What I am hurt by is that for the last 7 years, he has made it seem like he doesn't do that; "it's my job" (jokingly) and has made a BIG DEAL to me that he doesn't do it. He confessed to doing it twice this month. We haven't has sex, as I was in an accident and broke my hand and shattered my knee. It's like he set the "standard" to our relationship and broke what he has been saying for the last 7 years. I feel hurt and I don't know where to go from here. He says he feels bad but I can't wrap my head around it. If he did, how did it happen a second time? Ugh. I feel like everything he's said regarding sex/masterbation has been a lie.

Sorry if this is hard to read, I am posting from my iPhone.

[Ashlee T.]

I would consider it to be a situational thing. You're injured and can't have sex, so he's doing the next best thing. He's not looking at random porn, he's looking at a picture of you...... I actually think that's pretty great. If he's rejecting you etc that's a different story. But in a situation like the one you've described I just don't see anything wrong with it.

Haven't you ever changed your mind about something before? Said "I'd never do that" or "I don't like that", then down the road, decide you actually do like it?

Choose your battles.

[Crystalblue]

I'm having trouble seeing the bad side of this. Maybe if you explain more about why you are hurt by this. Given that you're recovering from an accident and can't have sex, it would make since that he would take care of his needs, and I think it's a plus that he would do so with an image of you.

What was your sex life like before? Are you worried that he's been hiding that he's been masturbating all along, or are you just upset that you've been temporarily replaced by his hand?

[sallywi2003]

I guess in the end I would not be to worriend about it. He was looking at a picture of you and masturbating it is better than cheating. With you hurt it probably built up and he had to release himself. If your sex life was good befroe I would not worry. I personally do not see anything wrong with masturbation my boyfriend does it once in awhile in front of me and I inturn masturbate using my vibrator in front of him.

[LanaBear]

I agree with the ladies above. I fail to see a bad side of this. As BD said, choose your battles. There is nothing wrong with masturbation, even if before he said he doesn't do it. He's masturbating to a picture of you. If anything, that would be a total turn on and I'd ask if I could watch next time. Then offer to do the same in return, mutual masturbation in each others company = big turn on.

[Guest]

A male perspective...or an additional thought or two to what has been said above...(which I agree with):

To some men, masturbation is a sign of weakness, immaturity (juvenile) or both. So they masturbate in "secret" and live in "denial" about it. It can also be a pride thing...What man wants to admit to self pleasuring when he has a beautiful women who is more than willing to participate in intimacy.

It's unfortunate that he lied, so blame it on his pride, ego or shame (none of which are justifiable excuses).

As someone said above, "choose your battles"...

I completely agree.

[rcoreyus]

Masturbation is embarrassing, so many people will lie about it if asked. If you aren't available for sex, then him masturbating to a picture of you seems like a very positive thing. In fact if you caught him at it, it would have been very nice to help out (assuming your injuries let you still do some things for him). Many people need regular sexual relief, this seems about as healthy an option as their is. If you don't want him doing this, you can tell him that next time he wants to, you will help out within the limits of your injuries (which with a bit of creativity is probably a lot...)

[jns]

I agree with all of the above that he is not being a bad guy. His only problem was overstatement of him not masturbating due to him not being able to foresee a situation like this.

[wendilee]

im gonna agree with alll of the above...what an awesome thing for him to be soooo in to you that he is using your picture to help relieve himself. what an awesome compliment.
talk to him, tell him that you would like to try to help him with that. dont be upset.

[Guest]

Ye gods, you've got a big problem ! No, I'm joking. The clue here, and forgive me if I'm wrong, is "we haven't had sex". Now, let me explain because this seems to be something that some women just do not get ! We, healthy men, need regular sex. It's the way our bodies are built. If you had our genitals you would feel the same. It's what increases mankind through procreation. Now, we like to have reular sex with our female partner(that is heteros do) When she can't/won't then we are left feeling frustrated and have the need for release. It wasn't your fault that you had an accident,but it's not his fault that you cannot now give him sex. Remember, a sexless relationship with a woman for us guys is called friendship. The fact that he masturbates to you, and not some porn/film star is a HUGE compliment to you. My advice, go to him now and offer to relieve him of his load. Tell him although you can't have full sex, you will take control of his sexual needs. My guess is that the problem will be solved. This kind of thing really frustrates me. It's as if some women think we like sex because it's better than baking a cake !!!