[Magnetism]

Okay, I've liked porn for a long time. I was unfortunately introduced to it at a young age (long story that I don't want to share), but obviously it stuck with me as I got older.

I don't think I'm obsessive, because I don't look at it all of the time. BUT, I noticed I use it right before sex. My partner once made a comment about it a long time ago. He said "Why do you need porn? Can't you get excited by me only?" I paused and told him, "Well, I'm just used to using porn as a stimulant for such a long time."

A therapist I'm seeing also said to stop looking at porn completely. A part of me thinks "Why can't I do it once in awhile?" She said it sounds like I'm being too dependent on it and it's not healthy for me due to my trauma history. I also wonder if she's projecting her own distaste for pornography and getting me to jump on the bandwagon. She says that she finds it degrading.

The thing is I'm getting cranky and irritable without porn. I'm so tempted to look at it. It has been 3-4 weeks since I've last looked at it. Haha, I'm getting turned on just THINKING about googling up porn.

Do I really have a problem and I'm in denial? Like an alcoholic? I understand that I can't use porn all of the time when I get intimate with my boyfriend, but would it really hurt if it's on occasion?

BTW, my boyfriend has no interest in porn. He thinks it's stupid and says he has me.

[Ashlee T.]

I think anything you feel "addicted" to is a problem and needs to be handled carefully. If you're dependent upon it, then I see it as an issue. If you can't get aroused without it, then it's an issue. I don't think your therapist should have projected her opinion that it's degrading to you, but I do think that it's healthy to limit yourself from habits so that they don't become addictions.

[stressed]

It sounds like you have a difficulty getting excited without porn, as if you don't get mentally stimulated by 'real' sex. Have you ever found sex with a partner physically and mentally stimulating without porn? Can you masturbate and reach an orgasm without porn? Do you enjoy sex with a partner or you find yourself blocking every thought/ not enjoying it as much?

It does seem addictive the way you describe it, since you also get cranky without it and always have to use it before sex. It very possibly has to do with some issues from your past that you don't refer to here. You'll enjoy sex a lot more without porn, just try not to look.

[tinyclitt]

For me looking at porn is a good prelude to having sex with my husband. It gets me worked up and ready for action. We both enjoy porn quite a bit and sometimes we even look at it together. If any therapist ever told me to stop looking at porn, I'd tell her to go fly a kite.

[Magnetism]

Hi stressed,

Yes, I have enjoyed sex and masturbation without porn and have gotten aroused without it. But let's say I come from home work and am not easily aroused. My first resort is to turn to porn. More often than not, I have used it before sex. My boyfriend sometimes say he doesn't care, but I think he does on the inside. I definitely don't want to make him feel that way. I want him to know that I do find him very sexually attractive. Maybe the porn just adds more excitement and fun for me.

[Guest]

PenarBread, don't worry.....watch all the porno in the world......if you don't get sad or upset (remember porn is different from real life), then there is a problem, but if not, WTF you worry so much.....just make sure you feel in control....I watch real home made porn and love it....my wife doesn't like it, but doesn't have a problem with me watching.....I like to watch our owns sex videos, but some other couples outhere are really hot, and can get you in the mood for things that otherwise, you may have not decided to do.....is all good.

[Magnetism]

I just remembered that my therapist said that someone who doesn't have my history would be okay with looking at porn. But, with my history, she felt it was wise to take a step back from it.

Some people will be uncomfortable reading this, but I'm okay talking about it. I don't talk about it, because I don't want to make other people uncomfortable.

I was sexually abused as a child, and porn was introduced to groom me. There's no doubt that all of this has led to a very distorted view on sex. There's a reason why porn is only for adults and not minors. A 12 year old girl isn't psychologically prepared to deal with looking at 3-somes, lesbian sex, etc.

I'm trying very hard to regain a sense of healthy intimacy, love and feeling connected with my partner. This is the first healthy relationship I've been in, as my past relationships were with men that were similar to my sexual abuser.

[Little]

It's always best to take a doctor's advice with a grain of salt. But in this case, especially with what you said in your latest post, I have to agree with her.

Please feel free to share anything you like with us! Your abuse definitely figures into the "big picture" of your relationship with porn, sex, and even other life issues. We're here to support you. As a long-time poster, you know that if anybody gives you a hassle, we take care of it

I love your last paragraph. It's great that you have found somebody you can trust! Give your partner a chance to connect one on one with you - not two on one with you and porn.

[jns]

Okay, I've liked porn for a long time. I was unfortunately introduced to it at a young age (long story that I don't want to share), but obviously it stuck with me as I got older.

I don't think I'm obsessive, because I don't look at it all of the time. BUT, I noticed I use it right before sex. My partner once made a comment about it a long time ago. He said "Why do you need porn? Can't you get excited by me only?" I paused and told him, "Well, I'm just used to using porn as a stimulant for such a long time."

A therapist I'm seeing also said to stop looking at porn completely. A part of me thinks "Why can't I do it once in awhile?" She said it sounds like I'm being too dependent on it and it's not healthy for me due to my trauma history. I also wonder if she's projecting her own distaste for pornography and getting me to jump on the bandwagon. She says that she finds it degrading.

The thing is I'm getting cranky and irritable without porn. I'm so tempted to look at it. It has been 3-4 weeks since I've last looked at it. Haha, I'm getting turned on just THINKING about googling up porn.

Do I really have a problem and I'm in denial? Like an alcoholic? I understand that I can't use porn all of the time when I get intimate with my boyfriend, but would it really hurt if it's on occasion?

BTW, my boyfriend has no interest in porn. He thinks it's stupid and says he has me.

PB, it's great to see you are with a guy you can have a normal relationship with. I have a question about the porn you like, though. Could you replace it with porn images of you and your bf or are you hooked on looking at different bodies? Have you ever tried to have only images of you and your bf? I'm asking this due to what I assume is your bf's dislike of porn. It doesn't matter if the person looking a great deal is a man or a woman, the one who looks only a little or not at all starts to think they are inadequate in some way whether or whether not the majority viewer thinks that. This situation may not happen if both partners enjoy porn to the same degree. I was wondering how a relationship would work if the inadequacy issue was addressed by not viewing other people.

[Elanor-Jane]

if you feel it is having an effect on your life and relationship try and persevere from watching it. if your upset by the correlation there is again another reason to drop it. if not i dont see any harm in it. everyone deals with past experience and abuse differently. i worked around ALOT of porn for a long while, and had some stuff happen to me that some would see as pretty damaging (maybe im just numbed or was thick skinned/mature enought at the time to deal with it) so porn doesnt bother me.
if its getting to you and u need it to function, take a break