[orchiddreams]

Everyone has pretty much covered the important things so now I ask you this: how many 10s do you see in the opposite sex? By 10 I mean absolute Adonis- types. Aside from my boyfriend I haven't seen any at that caliber. The only reason he is a 10 is because I love him. It's just a fantasy.

Check back on that ex in a few years- I guarantee you he will not be dating a pornstar- that was his way of validating himself.

Go out there and be fabulous people will react to that more than your looks. Guaranteed!







It's all about confidence.

[Tahoe]

For women who don't think their body is "sexy" any more I can only say, to your lover your body is HOT!!!!! He wants to make love, he wants sex with you. For you to say no because " I'm not sexy " is a frustration for a lot of guys. To keep your relationship hot either get over how you look or do something YOURSELF to change. Your man wants you!!!!!

[prettylights]

Well to the person who asked what I like about myself I guess I like that my skin is clear, but just that. Having clear skin doesn't make me beautiful or better looking than anyone. I've seen people with acne who have better faces/hair/body than I do. It just seems to me that guys are still (at my age, at least) so caught up in the fantasy of "gorgeous face/ 36-24-36 body". And even when you wathc movies they portray this fantasy as perfectly acceptable and attainable for guys... they put an average or unattractive guy get with a hot girl. How many times is the reverse fantasy protrayed? I can't really think of any mainstream movies in which an average or ugly girl gets with a hot, perfect guy. This, therefore, reinforces that women have to be hot, but guys, not so much. I know guys don't "need" a woman to be hot to be with her and fall in love - but the pressure to look good is still there, and just because a guy is not "hot" doesn't mean he won't want a hot girlfriend. Honestly I've even had guys be rude to me just based on how I look, as if I deserved that treatment, and of course the same guys treat hot women kindly even if they're b****es to them. I know I wouldn't want to date such a guy, but having received rude treatment based on how I look just confirms how ugly I am to the general eye. Just 'cause some guys haven't been rude to me doesn't mean I'm beautiful, etc. I know I sound really depressed, but I've seen so much "reinforcement" of the beauty ideal lately, that I just feel gross and like what's even the point in trying to be beautiful inside if no one's gonna care anyway?

I'm sorry that I'm so negative. I am thankful for all the well meaning and honest advice I've got so far, I just wish i could snap out of this mindset, and accept that boys will be boys and such... but I find it so difficult, I've even been to therapy before for this and it just didn't work.

[Calicorado83]

You may also just be your own worst critic. I know I am. I will sometimes stand in front of the mirror for thirty minutes, looking front to back, side to side, up and down, and I can see EVEY flaw.The other day, I tried on a shirt and it looked SOOO cute! (I am 6 months pregnant so finding my confidence becomes harder each day, not to mention finding clothes that look good!) But the moment I glanced at my backside in the mirror, I could see BACK FAT through the shirt! You know the roll on your ribcage where if your bra is too tight it will squeeze your rib fat down. UGH!!! SOO GROSS! And I am not even fat! I weigh 120 normally (but now I weigh 140) And that happened to be the only shirt I was overall happy with. =(

And I know what you mean about girls in magazines and how it feels to be compared to them. My boyfriend will be looking in a magazine and the moment he sees Megan Fox, he just can't help but say how PERFECT she is. Ugh! I don't want to hear that!! How can I compare to freakin Megan Fox!! Deep down, I hate Megan Fox for being so darn gorgeous.

Your ex had unrealistic expectations. I bet you most of those porn stars have cellulite that is hidden by the camera or some other trick. I have cellulite, and most women do. It's how we are made!! Our fatty tissues and the fibers in our skin are what cause it. Men don't have near the fat percentage in their body as compared to women, and the fibers in their skin don't go in the same direction, which is why you don't see men with cellulite. (I read about it somewhere) There are women that don't have it (I'm jealous) but many women do. I have it on the backs of my thighs and on my butt...I also have a pocket of fat right under each cheek and I hate it! I don't look sexy in short shorts!! I gotta nice behind but the thighs that go with it just ruin the whole look I could be tryin to pull off. Stupid fatty chunks of meat. Ugh.

But see....thats just me. I am pickin on myself but there are many attributes about ME that I like that men like. And I play up those features and downplay the rest. I'm sure the same can be done for you. You just need to ask yourself what it is you like about yourself physically? What gets the most compliments? Is it your eyes? Your lips? You may have gorgeous hands and nails, or perfect healthy hair and skin. (NOT ME! lol) Or are you good at doing things to yourself, like....do you have an awesome wardrobe? Can you accessorize like nobody's business? How about hair and make-up? Are you good at doing your hair and make-up? Play up the features that stand out, downplay what doesn't, and then let your personality shine through...

[ItsASecret]

Well to the person who asked what I like about myself I guess I like that my skin is clear, but just that. Having clear skin doesn't make me beautiful or better looking than anyone. I've seen people with acne who have better faces/hair/body than I do. It just seems to me that guys are still (at my age, at least) so caught up in the fantasy of "gorgeous face/ 36-24-36 body". And even when you wathc movies they portray this fantasy as perfectly acceptable and attainable for guys... they put an average or unattractive guy get with a hot girl. How many times is the reverse fantasy protrayed? I can't really think of any mainstream movies in which an average or ugly girl gets with a hot, perfect guy. This, therefore, reinforces that women have to be hot, but guys, not so much. I know guys don't "need" a woman to be hot to be with her and fall in love - but the pressure to look good is still there, and just because a guy is not "hot" doesn't mean he won't want a hot girlfriend. Honestly I've even had guys be rude to me just based on how I look, as if I deserved that treatment, and of course the same guys treat hot women kindly even if they're b****es to them. I know I wouldn't want to date such a guy, but having received rude treatment based on how I look just confirms how ugly I am to the general eye. Just 'cause some guys haven't been rude to me doesn't mean I'm beautiful, etc. I know I sound really depressed, but I've seen so much "reinforcement" of the beauty ideal lately, that I just feel gross and like what's even the point in trying to be beautiful inside if no one's gonna care anyway?

I'm sorry that I'm so negative. I am thankful for all the well meaning and honest advice I've got so far, I just wish i could snap out of this mindset, and accept that boys will be boys and such... but I find it so difficult, I've even been to therapy before for this and it just didn't work.

The media is detrimental these days to anyone who does not fit the perfection mold. Even though the media does photoshop everything and it should not be taken seriously as a definition of glamor the problem is still extremely prevalent in daily life. I am in the same position of not feeling sexy enough. I do not feel beautiful, amazing, noticed and so on. I am a 22 year old University student, if you are around that age I know exactly what you are talking about when it comes to guys this age. They care about nothing, absolutely nothing, except for the big chested tight clothes wearing glammed up girls. I am the girl that has the near 4.0 GPA and helping the bombshell girl who cannot spell the world "biology" (she had it spelt as byoligy as the subject heading on her piece of paper...congrats you are likely going to fail), pass the INTRO bio class because she was too busy partying to study for the exam-this actually happened to me and she was laughing as she told me about the party. Outside of helping people around me if they have questions about school material, no one will talk to me, not a single one will say hi how are you but the dolled up one next to me can make a new friend the second she takes her seat.

I am not one of those hot girls so I get ignored. My chin is sticks out a tiny bit, it is not small like the ideal girl's. My hair is thick dark and flat, not bleached or dyed and puffed up with spray. I have hairy arms, not like the ideal girls who have not a single hair anywhere to be seen. My eyes are big and round, not like the small almost cat-like eyes of the ideal girl. My boobs are barely an A cup, not a boob job or genetically blessed C-D cup. I am not toned, my thighs are starting to jiggle a bit. I do not wear make up, unlike the raccoon eyes of the ideal college girls. My clothes are modest-jeans and t-shirt sometimes a plaid shirt, unlike the girls who wear what could pass as lingerie to class. The list goes on and on, as soon as you are not one of the 'hot' group you are ignored. Just the other day for example I was in class and asked this guy if the seat was taken so I could sit there, he said yeah its taken so I moved down the row a bit more. Next thing I knew this barely dressed super boob sized girl asked the same question to the same guy and he said absolutely sit by me and they got to talking and exchanging names so they definitely did not know each other before. Cannot even have someone sit by you that is not hot? Sad, but that occurs with many guys on campus. I do not want to have to change who I am just to be noticed. The whole make up and puffed up hair is not my style so I am not about to go do it, but apparently you have to deck yourself full out in order to be noticed. Same applies to clothes, I am one of those girls that simply do not like to wear a dress...I am not girly, that will not change I just do not like to wear them so I have always avoided them that is the case for many women. But now it seems if you are not showing well over the majority of your skin you will not get a glance. It just sucks that everything is almost laid out how you should look and behave in order to get a guy to pay attention to you, but if you are not like that because you chose not to be then you will not get the time of day from them.

[cherry2]

I am also a 22-year-old college student and I do not feel that way. I know people think I'm pretty, but it doesn't matter because I think I'm beautiful. I'm smart, funny, interesting, honest and talented. Before we make assumptions as to what I must look like I'll tell you- I'm overweight, pale, freckled and short with little to no fashion sense. But I know that I'm beautiful because I feel it in my presence and smile and everything else.

No, not all men want big boobs. That is incredibly judgemental of men. What happens when a man says "well all girls want are big penises." They're wrong, right. Well so is the assumption that all men want is big boobs. Men like boobs the way that women like penises provided that neither are homosexual.

You need to come out of your shell. People won't notice you just because you wish them to. Be yourself! Show people what you're made of.

My professor told me this one day about my art, "If you know your strength you won't have to hide your weaknesses." Find your strengths, and don't say you don't have any. You DO.

Lastly, don't compare yourself to others. You can't rank beauty, even though people try to. Only you have the power to change how you feel about yourself and it won't come from complaining about magazines and movies. Men have just as much to live up to as women. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Will Smith, and even Edward Cullen. He's fictional but he was built on a widely held ideal of the perfect man (I don't like him, but many do). So give men a break, they have just as many standards as women do.

My advice, tell yourself you're beautiful everyday in front of the mirror. You have to say it like you mean it. Also find one beautiful thing about yourself everyday. It could be your beautifully clear skin or a situation that you though you performed well in. Anything! Also sleep in the nude. It sounds lame, but that's what I did and it helped me to feel more comfortable about showing my body and being in it.

Also, to the girl whose boyfriend comments on Megan Fox. If he isn't lavishing you with even more praise maybe you should tell him to shoot for the stars and then kick him to the curb. If he doesn't have enough good sense to praise the hot chick in front of him, then maybe he should have his dreams of Megan Fox dashed against the rocks.

[prettylights]

I am also a 22-year-old college student and I do not feel that way. I know people think I'm pretty, but it doesn't matter because I think I'm beautiful. I'm smart, funny, interesting, honest and talented. Before we make assumptions as to what I must look like I'll tell you- I'm overweight, pale, freckled and short with little to no fashion sense. But I know that I'm beautiful because I feel it in my presence and smile and everything else.

No, not all men want big boobs. That is incredibly judgemental of men. What happens when a man says "well all girls want are big penises." They're wrong, right. Well so is the assumption that all men want is big boobs. Men like boobs the way that women like penises provided that neither are homosexual.

You need to come out of your shell. People won't notice you just because you wish them to. Be yourself! Show people what you're made of.

My professor told me this one day about my art, "If you know your strength you won't have to hide your weaknesses." Find your strengths, and don't say you don't have any. You DO.

Lastly, don't compare yourself to others. You can't rank beauty, even though people try to. Only you have the power to change how you feel about yourself and it won't come from complaining about magazines and movies. Men have just as much to live up to as women. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Will Smith, and even Edward Cullen. He's fictional but he was built on a widely held ideal of the perfect man (I don't like him, but many do). So give men a break, they have just as many standards as women do.

My advice, tell yourself you're beautiful everyday in front of the mirror. You have to say it like you mean it. Also find one beautiful thing about yourself everyday. It could be your beautifully clear skin or a situation that you though you performed well in. Anything! Also sleep in the nude. It sounds lame, but that's what I did and it helped me to feel more comfortable about showing my body and being in it.

Also, to the girl whose boyfriend comments on Megan Fox. If he isn't lavishing you with even more praise maybe you should tell him to shoot for the stars and then kick him to the curb. If he doesn't have enough good sense to praise the hot chick in front of him, then maybe he should have his dreams of Megan Fox dashed against the rocks.

I wish I get to be as positive as you are one day. I mean, I know it's all up to me to reach that positive attitude, but at the moment it's really hard.

Granted, there is an ideal male too. But even guys themselves have admitted to me that the pressure still is worse for women. Like I said, "not hot" guys are often portrayed as getting hot chicks in the media, but the reverse never happens. And more often than not, women will pay less attention to how a guy looks than how guys care about a girl's looks. Let's face it, there is more porn for guys than there is for women. But guys have more pressure in areas that we don't (like sexual performance, sense of humour, and other things... this is unfair too). But anyway...

I'll try to keep a positive attitude, yours is truly inspiring

[prettylights]

I am also a 22-year-old college student and I do not feel that way. I know people think I'm pretty, but it doesn't matter because I think I'm beautiful. I'm smart, funny, interesting, honest and talented. Before we make assumptions as to what I must look like I'll tell you- I'm overweight, pale, freckled and short with little to no fashion sense. But I know that I'm beautiful because I feel it in my presence and smile and everything else.

No, not all men want big boobs. That is incredibly judgemental of men. What happens when a man says "well all girls want are big penises." They're wrong, right. Well so is the assumption that all men want is big boobs. Men like boobs the way that women like penises provided that neither are homosexual.

You need to come out of your shell. People won't notice you just because you wish them to. Be yourself! Show people what you're made of.

My professor told me this one day about my art, "If you know your strength you won't have to hide your weaknesses." Find your strengths, and don't say you don't have any. You DO.

Lastly, don't compare yourself to others. You can't rank beauty, even though people try to. Only you have the power to change how you feel about yourself and it won't come from complaining about magazines and movies. Men have just as much to live up to as women. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Will Smith, and even Edward Cullen. He's fictional but he was built on a widely held ideal of the perfect man (I don't like him, but many do). So give men a break, they have just as many standards as women do.

My advice, tell yourself you're beautiful everyday in front of the mirror. You have to say it like you mean it. Also find one beautiful thing about yourself everyday. It could be your beautifully clear skin or a situation that you though you performed well in. Anything! Also sleep in the nude. It sounds lame, but that's what I did and it helped me to feel more comfortable about showing my body and being in it.

Also, to the girl whose boyfriend comments on Megan Fox. If he isn't lavishing you with even more praise maybe you should tell him to shoot for the stars and then kick him to the curb. If he doesn't have enough good sense to praise the hot chick in front of him, then maybe he should have his dreams of Megan Fox dashed against the rocks.

I wish I get to be as positive as you are one day. I mean, I know it's all up to me to reach that positive attitude, but at the moment it's really hard.

Granted, there is an ideal male too. But even guys themselves have admitted to me that the pressure still is worse for women. Like I said, "not hot" guys are often portrayed as getting hot chicks in the media, but the reverse never happens. And more often than not, women will pay less attention to how a guy looks than how guys care about a girl's looks. Let's face it, there is more porn for guys than there is for women. But guys have more pressure in areas that we don't (like sexual performance, sense of humour, and other things... this is unfair too). But anyway...

I'll try to keep a positive attitude, yours is truly inspiring

[kolbywhite28]

Self confidence will suit you far better than any super model body. I used to be one of those that men whistled at, and had never been more miserable. I had no self confidence what so ever. Now I have more weight and I'm 10 years older, but I get the attention that means something, I have my own. It is far more valuable than anyone elses. When I gained my own recognition, I met the man that treats me as special as I could ever hope to be, and never once has he cared about my outward appearance. I know this is easier said than done, and it takes time to get, just remember your opinion of yourself is the only one that really matters.

[monoliths&dimentions]

I just have to add, Have you ever seen porn stars when they are not all done up, most of them that look like fit perfect barbies are wearing TONS of body make up, rest assured most porn stars have as much cellulite as you and me honey. Doesn't matter, Love your body easier said then done and I even have my off days but when you start looking in the mirror and noticing you good qualities, you'll feel better. For me I always have loved my butt (even though it has cellulite)so every time I look in the mirror I always look at my butt and am like "" instead of paying attention to the extra pounds around my mid section or my arm fat haha. You have to pick out the positives, also you'd be surprised to hear that most guys usually aren't paying attention to your "flaws" during sex.