[bobajob]

I really want to get more out of sex and know that I need to lose some of my (many) inhibitions. One of my problems is that I never say much during sex, either if I am liking, or not liking something and would really like the confidence to tell a partner what I want. But I worry that I will say the wrong thing and end up looking stupid. Some of this comes from the worry of being rejected, would never make the first move.

So what advice could you give on how to say what I want. The words are all in my mind but I never say them out loud. Really need to get over this. any advice welcome.

Thanks

[rcoreyus]

Have you ever gotten a negative response to something you said in bed? Most people really like to hear their partners say what they want.

[Guest]

I agree with rcoreyus...

I've been with a fair number of partners over my lifetime and I can't recall a single one that said to me in bed..."omg! that's so stupid...get out of my bed" or anything even close.

Physical intimacy can be the most fantastic experience ever but only if you are willing to communicate with your partner.

If you're not comfortable saying words, how about moans and groans? Think of them as a precurser to words. IMO - in order to maximize your pleasure and your partners, you'll need to learn to communicate what you want.

We are not mind readers and don't know what our partners want completely if they don't tell us.

I've been in a relationship for quite a long time and we are still communicating to each other during intimacy...constantly.

[Guest]

I really want to get more out of sex and know that I need to lose some of my (many) inhibitions. One of my problems is that I never say much during sex, either if I am liking, or not liking something and would really like the confidence to tell a partner what I want. But I worry that I will say the wrong thing and end up looking stupid. Some of this comes from the worry of being rejected, would never make the first move.

So what advice could you give on how to say what I want. The words are all in my mind but I never say them out loud. Really need to get over this. any advice welcome.

Thanks

The best you can do is talking to him before sex. If you can't find in yourself to do it, write him a note with all the things you have in your mind - the first step towards true love and intimacy is real communication and friendship. Trust me when I say, most people don't know what others are thinking or what others may need....just tell him that for you is super difficult to talk during sex but that really would want for him to help you feeling more confident...talk and you'll be amazed to find out that others didn't even know you felt like that....

[cherry2]

Know how you feel

I used to be the same way. I was hesitant to tell my partner what I wanted because I thought I would look stupid, or overly lustful, or worse yet make my partner feel bad. I basically had to ask myself if I would rather have minimal pleasure or suffer a little bit of embarrassment. It was an easy choice.

We can't know everything and do everything perfect, so sometimes everyone needs a little bit of guiding. Turns out my boyfriend likes knowing that he's making me feel so much better. ALSO I feel a lot closer to him, like he knows the workings of my body. And it won't last forever, eventually you won't have to say too much.

My mom told me once (not about sex but about something else) that people aren't psychic. When you want something you have to tell people or it'll never happen. So we all need telling. You shouldn't feel embarrassed because it is common and 100% natural!

[cherry2]

Oh and also you could talk to your partner before hand about what is going on. Tell them that you are wanting to change. Maybe he can help, maybe he'll be excited to help. Also you could get them to ask you "how does that feel how does this feel?" to encourage you to talk more.

What I found helpful was moving my boyfriend. My mind would be clouded, plus I'm already not great at verbalizing, so I would physically move him. I also felt less weird moving him rather then trying to describe what I want. But now I tell him all the time. I'm like do this do that yeah! lol.

It really just takes that first step to get the ball rolling. You'll definitely get it.