[Guest]

whilhelm (alias Ned Flanders) your advice is worthless!

all you are trying to do is feed these womens paranoia and you know it!

you are helping no one, you are seriously suggesting that men only watch porn because they are unhappy with their partner in some way.

you are talking complete rubbish and you know it, i watch porn because i like it, my hubby watches porn because he likes it! i watched porn before i met him, and if our relationship ever ended it would not be because of porn, it has never been an issue.

now if i can watch porn and not compare my husband to anyone then i believe a man can watch it and not compare their partner too.

also if a man believed he could do better the relationship would not have started in the first place.

listening to you, you would think that only middle aged men with saggy wives viewed porn! good looking young people watch porn too.

did you read this girl's original post??

who cares whether you and your husband like porn? who cares if you watch it & it helps your relationship? porn is ruining this girl's relationship with the one she loves.

she can choose to walk away or - if she thinks he's worth it - she will need to help him get off of porn.

either way - your love of porn has nothing to offer.

[housewife]

Hotdogg,

I see through all of your posts that you don't have a problem with porn, and you are happily married and you love him and ...

but if you read the problem of this lady, you will see that her boyfriend is not like your husband at all.

he watches porn and does not want to be near her.
this woman is badly hurt.

I agree with what whilhelm said in this thread. it is true,

If watching porn does not cause any trouble in your life, remember that it destroys others, and causes many divorces , simply because one is not comfortable with other watching porn.

So, what is your advice for this lady?

[Guest]

you are seriously suggesting that men only watch porn because they are unhappy with their partner in some way.

never said they were unhappy - i said they watch porn because it does something their partner can't. and that's true.

the danger - well, one danger - with porn is that people often come to prefer the thing that porn provides over what a real relationship provides.

[hotdogg]

the reason he does not go near his wife, could be one of a hundred things you are just assuming it is because of porn!

also demanding that he should give up the porn is unlikely to help matters.

if i was her i would just ask him why he does'nt want sex! i doubt he is going to say he likes porn better! may be he doesn't love her any more. may be it is something else who knows. if he is unwilling to tell her then she should end the relationship.

you do not know, so stop generalizing.

[hotdogg]

the danger - well, one danger - with porn is that people often come to prefer the thing that porn provides over what a real relationship provides.

COMPLETE RUBBISH!
how can watching a sexual act ever replace the practice of a sexual act!

masterbation is good but it is NEVER better than having sex!

any one who claims masterbation is better must have a rubbish sex life!

most men masterbate so they can last longer when they have sex.

your logic makes no sense! so watching porn will make you prefer porn to sex LOL! if that were true, then viewing horror films would turn the viewer in to a axe murderer!

get real Ned!

[Guest]

"the reason he does not go near his wife, could be one of a hundred things you are just assuming it is because of porn!"

no. what we know is that he is uninterested in sex with his wife - but very interested in sex with himself using porn. empirical studies - and, more importantly, the testimonies of women, even on this board - have shown us that frequent users of porn often start to prefer porn over real, intimate relationships.

"how can watching a sexual act ever replace the practice of a sexual act!

masterbation is good but it is NEVER better than having sex!"

well, hotdogg, i've answered this many times before. so let me, instead, just quote you:

"now porn is simply a masterbation tool! sometimes you just need a quick release, you do not always feel like having sex because it takes more effort! "

contradicting yourself again - not uncommon when your logic is flawed.

the fact is that many men who get entangled by porn end up prefering it to real sex. it asks nothing of them - no need to communicate. no need to reciprocate. no need to compromise. no need to think about anyone but yourself.

and, yes, there's pretty good evidence that this guy in question is experiencing exactly this.

"most men masterbate so they can last longer when they have sex."

no, hotdogg. some do - and some do infrequently. most men masturbate because they want to get off, regardless of how long they might last when they have sex.

"if i was her i would just ask him why he does'nt want sex! i doubt he is going to say he likes porn better!"

perhaps that would work for you & your husband. most relationships, though, require a little more finesse. if he's hooked on porn, he isn't going to be able to answer that first question honestly.

the second one, however, might surprise you, if you'd be willing to confront the evidence. you'd be shocked at the numbers of men who do admit to prefering solo sex with porn over sex with their wives.

"also demanding that he should give up the porn is unlikely to help matters."

she should definitely demand that he give up porn - and then resign herself that he will not be able to give it up easily. he is holding a rattlesnake - if she loves him, she'll try to get him to drop it.

she recognizes its potential to harm both him & her. and she's exactly right.

right to feel threatened. right to feel hurt.

[hotdogg]

twisting my words again NED!

people masterbate it is not a crime GET OVER IT!

Also just because some insecure women come on this board throwing a fit because their man watched porn does not equal evidence!

millions of people all over the world watch porn, it does not affect relationships with people who are in good relationships people who are secure with each other.

you hate porn so you think everyone else should, you know these insecure women hate porn too. so you reinforce their insecurities by telling them they should be angery at their man!

well i hope you it makes you feel good to be causing more problems for them.

all these men who do not want sex any more would have watched porn before they met their partners so i very much doubt their relationship problems are down to just porn, relationships break down for many reasons, they are just assuming it is down to porn.

[Guest]

twisting my words again NED!

i quoted you DIRECTLY. how was i twisting your words?

people masterbate it is not a crime GET OVER IT!

where did you get the idea i was calling it a crime? or even saying it was bad?

Also just because some insecure women come on this board throwing a fit because their man watched porn does not equal evidence!

it, by itself, is not evidence that porn is bad. it is evidence that porn is cauing problems for relationships.

millions of people all over the world watch porn, it does not affect relationships with people who are in good relationships people who are secure with each other.

maybe. but keep in mind that two coke addicts also will say that coke is not causing problems in their relationship.

you hate porn so you think everyone else should, you know these insecure women hate porn too. so you reinforce their insecurities by telling them they should be angery at their man!

well i hope you it makes you feel good to be causing more problems for them.

that's just funny it's so idiotic.

all these men who do not want sex any more would have watched porn before they met their partners so i very much doubt their relationship problems are down to just porn, relationships break down for many reasons, they are just assuming it is down to porn.

hotdogg, one of the reasons you are fighting this so vehemently is that - if i was right - you would have a problem. you couldn't enjoy porn anymore the way you want to. you might have to acknowledge that you had something troublesome to deal with & you'd have to think about making some changes.

what does the guys' having watched porn before marriage have to do with anything?? porn could still be the problem in the relationship. if a guy did coke before marriage, then got married, and his wife was upset about the problems coke was causing in his life - would you say that, because he did it before he got married, it couldn't be the source of trouble in the marriage? of course not.

you're still so busy trying to convince someone that you & your husband don't have a problem. everytime i make a statement you seem to get defensive - probably because you feel like i'm attacking your marriage.

how many times have i conceded that you & your husband are the exception. you guys apparently have been able to totally walk above evry documented problem that porn typically causes in a relationship. i'm happy for both of you in that regard. you have an open, honest, blissful relationhip. i would only hope that for us all.

unfortunately, many women are NOT experiencing that. and it isn't because they are all paranoid, or because they are all insecure, or they all "have issues." it's because porn is killing their relationships - and they are recognizing that.

again, my analogy: just because you insist so strongly that your husband has never been attacked by the shark in the water, this does not have any bearing on the bloody, mangled bodies of the husbands who HAVE been attacked. these women are mourning the damage that has been done to someone they love deeply - and you just keep reminding them that your husband wasn't bitten, so they should just get over it.

they can't hotdogg. there's blood. there's pain. there's loss of function. you would have them all cover their eyes & pretend there was NO blood, NO pain, NO loss of function - all because your husband just came out of the water & he's fine.

you said your husband watches porn once a week. these women have husbands/boyfriends who watch it CONSTANTLY, like many guys. guys who can't control it - even to the point of being caught by their kids!

they don't have husbands who watch it once a week & can't get enough of them. they have husbands who neglect them & show virtually NO affection - but will get alone with porn any chance they can.

THAT'S A PROBLEM, HOTDOGG.

and the problem is the porn.

[PixieDuzt]

Ok, can we stop the petty fightin that has nothing to do with this woman's problem? The fact is that this woman's boyfriend does not want to have sex with her anymore. I have been here. I bet that he doesn't have a really problem with porn, most men watch porn and she just happened to catch him. The fact is that he still has a sex drive and therefore is watching porn and masturbating to take care of that need. He does not feel the urge to go to his girlfriend of 3 years and have sex with her so he masturbates. I have been in this EXACT situation. He just doesn't love you anymore sweety. I know that is horrible to hear but I'd rather be blunt. Get out before you get crushed even more. Sometimes people just grow apart and that is what has happened. I doubt anything you do will save your relationship. He is simply not interested. I am so sorry.

[Loris1]

Ok as a guy, lets try and help,
A guy has sexual needs at times when his special one is not available or has other genuine concerns, also when we are adolescent the habit starts and its hard to break. For me at least its not about cheating.

Sometimes its also easier to just get rid of the energy - rather than go through a whole big thing (but nowhere near as good!!!)

Your guy does sound immature - the thing about video games - he is living in a box and thats a mistake - your a billion times more wonderful than his box, but he does not understand this - all the time.

I am an older guy, and when I was young I made a lot of mistakes, but also when I was with women (in the so called liberated sixties) they kind of just laid there and took it - you dont say much about your sex life, so I would not want to make presumptions about you, but do you share fantasies?
Another thing that young guys get wrong (the next bit is strictly my opinion) is that we either believe that we are the "man in the house" in the sense of the stronger/leader/ invulnerable, macho thing, or we believe we are equal. I think both things are wrong - as a woman you are more wonderful than him - you may wish to grant him equal rights, (sometimes ) and it is true that their are many senses which we are equal, but fundamentally you have the edge - not him. It takes us guys a long time years - to come to grips with this, to understand what we have in our arms is something more precious than we will ever be.
Their are many senses that he NEEDS to be led by you, he is less sensitive and perceptive, and his ideas about what is and what is not in your relationship are likely to be immature - in need of schooling.
Many women do not appreciate their own power in this respect, and I have found my partners struggle to come to terms with this, esp after being taught by culture that they are equal or worse second best, but when they do realise that a relationship revolves around them and not the other way around (ever) they double their happiness quota in a single leap and gain that je n'sais quoi that men long for.


Loris