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  • stone25
    Junior Member
    • Nov 2011
    • 7

    Problems of a different nature

    Hello ladies,

    First of all, I'm a guy, 24 years old, just to know
    I know what I'm about to say isn't new and it's probably not even a real problem, but I really need to "talk" to someone about it and get some advice.
    Here's the plot: I met this girl a while ago, but she had a boyfriend so I didn't even think about her in any other way than accepted. To be mentioned that I had a crush on her at first sight, she's gorgeous. So a little while back she and her boyfriend got separated and I met her accidentally. The spark was still there and it evolved into a flame. So we saw each other a few times, with common friends and after a few days she slept over at my place. I massaged her and it all started, we kissed and touched each other and it felt very good. I went down on her and after that, when I wanted to move on with our thing, I put a condom on and after that my "modjo" went down the drain. Now, what I want to know is if there is really a problem with condoms or this was a problem of a different nature, maybe wanting her too bad and feeling nervous about it...I have no idea, maybe both, nevertheless, I felt awful because she came to my place that night for 1 thing, to get laid, and it didn't happen. I know it's disappointing and I want to make amends, but I think I want something more from her than just sex and she told me she's not into something like that now, she just got out of a "serious relationship" and I'm trying to stall a little I guess, by taking it slow, getting to know her better and all but I'm not sure how to proceed further on. If we get in bed again, what if I'll have the same problem again and disappoint her again and maybe this time for good? If I mention that I'd like to get closer to her because I like her a lot, maybe she'll freak out and then lose the chance of anything with her, which I don't really want. I like talking to her, I smile when I think of her and the fact that she's kinda immune to this motivates me more, but I still don't know what to do.
    Apart from this, the problem with not getting it up occurred to me a few times before, but the same thing, it was always after putting the condom on, because I know I'm thinking about it (" condom, after I'll put it on I'll fade away") so it tends to happen...how can I get this out of my mind, because I know I don't have any allergies to latex or something like this so I think it's a problem of thought, of spirit, more than a bodily problem. I know this may be confusing and I'm not sure any of you understood what I mean and what my problems are but I needed to write this down.

    Oh, PS: I didn't feel something like this for a girl in a long time and in a long series of girls so this is why I don't want to miss out on this, because it might be real

    Thank you in advance,

    "stone".
  • Claret
    Assistant Admin
    • Jan 2011
    • 1823

    Performance Anxiety - can happen just as you described. If she is the type of person you truly think her to be, discuss what happened with her. Explain how nervous and anxious you were, tell her you really want to get to know her, take things real slow. If she is the person you think, she will be accepting of this and willing to go slow. Then when there is NO PRESSURE to perform you'll be up to the task.
    That which we forget may as well never really happened.

    Comment

    • DreamP346
      • Oct 2011
      • 2053

      Condoms can be a turn-off for many people. It can take away from the moment and losing an erection is normal. Just keep with the forplay, make putting the condom on part for the forplay. A massage or oral and get it back up. There are so many things going on with a first time and its normal. No biggie.

      In regards to the relationship, you really need to communicate with this girl before you jump into things. It appears that the 2 of you want different things and if you don't sort it out before hand, it will be problematic later on. I have had relationships with men when I was just looking for something casual and they wanted more. It never ended well.
      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

      Comment

      • stone25
        Junior Member
        • Nov 2011
        • 7

        Hey there,
        Thanks for the replies, it's exactly what I was expecting
        I know about performance anxiety and I know that a "relationship" between people that want different things can't exist, but now I'm more sure about things and my position in this. First I gotta get things straight with myself and when I'm sure of something I'll talk to her. Until then, I hope I won't have condom issues again and approach it differently.

        Thanks again and have a nice day/evening/night

        Comment

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