[Guest]

I agree with rcoreyus pretty much all the way, except I would say (and I'm genuinely empathic with women here) that to expect your woman to have sex twice a week if she leads a busy life is maybe too high. Fine if it happens, but that can put pressure on her. Me, I expect once a week. But as we can see, everyone differs and if does very much depend on the relationship, age etc etc.

[dlanier248]

How about once a month? would that be too much to ask?

[DreamP346]

I am a math person, so I think we should create a formula to calculate. How about:

Partner 1's desired amount + Partner 2's desired amount
2

So if husband wants once a week but wife wants once a month, the compromise should be twice a month

[Ashlee T.]

I think the fact that it has to be such an issue in any marriage is sad. And quite discouraging for us unmarried folks. I do understand people with small children having to set aside specific times for "adult time". But for those without kids or without kids still in the home, it's just sad that there is a REQUIRED amt of sex.

I also find it sad that in many relationships (including some I've had) it gets to the point to where a woman (or man depending on the situation) can't even enjoy any non sexual physical closeness or cuddling without knowing it is either going to lead to sex, or rejection and hurt feelings. Many times once sex becomes a factor in a relationship, the act of just enjoying closeness and cuddling falls by the wayside, because every hint of physical contact is EXPECTED to lead to sex. Men, if you're the type that initiates sex EVERY time your wife has tried to cuddle with you or be affectionate with you........ please stop. Eventually it will lead to a lack of not only sex, but affection as well. And then you'll be here posting about the lack of sex and affection in your marriage. Even if our sex drives are out of this world, there ARE times when we just want to be close and affectionate and held with the knowing that it's happening because you love us, not just because you want to get in our pants.

I have been on both sides of the coin. I've been the one who was deprived of sex by my partner. I've been the one who didn't want sex at all. And I've been the one (currently....again...) who has a healthy libido but quickly grows tired of not being able to even show affection without it resulting in the expectation of sex every single time I'm with the guy.

I suppose until I find someone with whom I'm compatible and don't have to set sexual requirements in stone, I won't be marrying. I mean, how can you even truly enjoy sex when you've had to lay the law down and set it in stone that it MUST happen at least __ times per week? I know I wouldn't enjoy it and if a guy told me I had to sleep with him at least __ a week or else, I'd tell him not to let the door hit him where the good Lord split him. And the same goes for a guy that wouldn't sleep with me at all.

[rcoreyus]

When a couple is mismatched in sex drive, cuddling becomes a big problem. The one who wants less sex will not enjoy it because it will seem that their partner is cuddling only as a way to get sex. The one who wants more sex will find cuddling very frustrating - so close, but not able to have what they are missing.

[panda87]

This was interesting to read... I actually used to ponder this quite a lot when I first started dating my current partner.. He used to talk about sex an awful lot and it did leave me wondering how high his expectations would be.. I had the same sentiments as you, Beautiful Disaster, cuddling was just trying to initiate sex and I couldn't be touchy feely with him thinking it would have to lead to something.

I did express this to him though, saying 'you just want sex'.. and when he disagreed I pointed out that often thats how it seemed.. and I think it made a difference really. Having said that we have been together longer now and gotten to know how each other works.. So I don't have a problem saying I just want cuddles, and he doesn't have a problem saying nah I'm not in the mood right now.

In response to the OP, and I actually just asked my partner this too.. I don't really think an expectation is a good thing, as people have pointed out and for the same reasons. To my surprise, my fella actually said 'I don't expect it, its just when I feel like it'.. And I guess the same goes for me.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think we can all remember, every day, 69 days in a row, sometimes twice a day and then reality sets in, lust is gone or is it.

What is "reasonable" is more to do with what a partner "feels" and therefore reminds or makes a funny moment or a sexual moment of it...

Once a week should be the case as the last resort... Or, else you lose it all, once you've had sex usually you are fullfilled but your body reacts and wants it again..

We all work, and or/ women have children to care for... That's life.. Our partners are part of that and just as important, if either can not read the signs from a kiss, a laugh and look, or a touch and appreciate the word, "working" a relationship and compromise then we are not seeing the true relationship, alternatively going, sorry babe I am tired, I had a kid or I worked 12hrs, each day, every day until that 7th day.

Keeping a relationship alive includes intimacy, simply put....

Ignoring that, just makes it harder to get back into.

[Ashlee T.]

When a couple is mismatched in sex drive, cuddling becomes a big problem. The one who wants less sex will not enjoy it because it will seem that their partner is cuddling only as a way to get sex. The one who wants more sex will find cuddling very frustrating - so close, but not able to have what they are missing.

You're defnitely right in that scenario. What I was referring to was more a situation in which neither partner is being deprived sex, and that it's happening on a regular basis but doesn't change the fact that every time there is a moment of downtown for some closeness and affection, the expectation is sex. I'm a very sexual person, but even I don't enjoy thinking that every time I'm close to my man his only thoughts are to get me in the sack. I think it's about compromising...and there may be times when we lay on the couch to watch a movie and it leads to sex.... but there may be other times when I've worked all day, gone to the gym, fixed his supper and am finally getting to relax for an hr or so before bed that I want him to be OKAY with the fact that I may not reciprocate his desire at that moment. I want him to enjoy being close to me. I want him to WANT to be close to me......and not just for the benefit of his penis. I can't tell you the number of guys that has pushed me away with that behavior.

When sex is made THE priority in a relationship, ALOT of other things are being neglected. Sex is the icing...not the cake.

[Guest]

When I mentioned regularity, I didn't mean it set in stone, merely an indicator of how often. Sex should always be spontaneuos. But it can be too much for anyone if the demands are there for you to have sex every day, or, conversely, if your partner only wants sex once every 3 months! I think the minimum in a healthy relationship should be twice a month. That's just my opinion.

[rcoreyus]

Back when my wife would very rarely have sex with me I had a lot of difficulty just cuddling. Now that our sex life is good I'm very happy to just enjoy lying next to her without things turning into sex.