[december99]

I really want kids. my wife is so so about it. been married for 3 years and im not getting any younger. the problem is my wife is so grossed out about semen inside her. that every time we have sex she goes right to the bathroom to make sure everything is out. it really makes me feel bad knowing im her husband and every time i cum it totally sickeness her and she hates it. At this point i dont know what to do. its not like im some radom guy. im the person she married.. and everything i try doesnt make a difference. Sometimes she doesnt even let me finish. Any more its feel like i could care less about it and not want to have any children with her and just move on with my life its just makes me feel like im the grossest person when it comes to her.. and i dont want to be around it let alone have sex with her.

[rcoreyus]

OK, you want kids, she isn't sure. You really really need to wait until she is sure, or find someone who is. It is not fair to pressure someone into having kids, or bring children into a family where they aren't wanted by one of the parents.

I wish couples would discuss children before they got married - it is something where there just isn't really any compromise possible. You can't agree to have kids "a little".

[Ashlee T.]

I don't understand the mad rush for kids when you know your partner doesn't feel the same. This goes for both men and for women. I dunno...I've always just thought of having kids as a "wow, I love this person so much I want to raise children with them" with the feelings reciprocated, not a "Yikes, I'm getting old...better procreate!". It's totally fine to want to have children, but when the person who must carry and grow that child for 9 months BEFORE dedicating the rest of their life to mothering that child, doesn't want to......you certainly can't force it.

You need to have a heart to heart with her. If having children is truly something you know you definitely want, you need to know where she stands on it. If she doesn't feel the same way, and NOT having kids is going to cause you to resent her forever........you need to think about that as well.

[Guest]

I think she needs some counselling about sex issues perhaps? Why should she have a morbid fear of semen?? Ask her how she would feel if you found her vagina disgusting. I must admit that I couldn't have sex with a woman that found any part of me disgusting. And, I'm sure that no woman would have sex with any guy if he demonstrated disgust during the sexual act with them! Maybe she is just frightened to death of getting pregnant??

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey Dec, welcome to the Forum.

There are two problems here, as Thomas pointed out.

Firstly, how old are you both? And, prior to this burst of thoughts of wanting children, say when you first got married, did she allow you to cum inside of her then? Or, has this just really started...

For opinions, I think that, that question is quite valid.

[jns]

december, It sounds like you and your wife are mismatched on having kids as well as the messiness of sex. Were these subjects discussed before marriage? What were the conclusions of any discussions at that time?

[faybee]

She's a future frigid. Eventually, she will not want it at all. sorry.

[Avatar Nirvana]

I never wanted children and I always fear that this will happen. Take this from a woman who would call her pet guinea pigs her children instead of humans. A baby is a lifelong commitment, and there is too much work and money to watch it grow. Potty training, school, clothes, food, etc. Also, pregnancy is really not good as it sounds and childbirth is the most painful situation you could be in. Women die in childbirth. Also, she may never had that maternal instinct (to a human at least). It's not that she is uncomfortable because she feels like you're a "random guy", she's uncomfortable about becoming a mom when she doesn't want to.
My advice is, find other children to love, such as nieces and nephews or friends' kids. I don't want children, but that doesn't mean I don't love my nieces and nephew. Another piece of advice is get a pet together. It will be a living thing that you will have to take care of almost like a child. Sooner or later, you will be calling yourself "Daddy" to your pet.