[MiskatonicAmane]

I’ve only ever been with two men. The first had very little experience and the second (my fiance) was a virgin when I met him. I say that because even though I have slightly more experience than my fiance I still may as well be a virgin myself since I don't know what to do. The main problems my fiance and I are having are when we have sex 1) getting the condom on and him staying hard enough for penetration, and 2) actually getting penetrated. I think part of the second problem now is that my fiance is larger than my first partner, so it takes quite a bit more stretching on my part and my body doesn't appear to want to do that. That and we’re both rather clueless and awkward. I guess a third problem would be that I don’t really enjoy sex. It’s just…ok. I don’t know if other women have this problem but even masturbation is just…ok. Any help anyone can give to any of these problems would be much appreciated.

[jns]

Maybe masturbation during intercourse would help. Are you reaching climax through masturbation or getting oral before intercourse? Climaxing one time or several can help your body be more accommodating to his size. After having intercourse on a regular basis, your body should accommodate him more readily.

Are you putting the condom on him or is he doing it himself? Is it the right sized condom? By you putting it on he can maintain his focus on what he finds exciting about you (such as keeping on giving you oral). If the condom is too tight it can lead to loss of sensation beyond the sensation loss that is normal.

Is he penetrating too far during the times he does get penetration? If he is, he could be hitting your cervix and causing pain. Some positions can limit the penetration while giving him the sensation of deep penetration.

[shoshannah]

I can't really help you with the condom thing since my boyfriend and I mainly just rely on the pill. But as to him entering you . . . First, you need to be very excited, plus good and wet. If you aren't excited enough beforehand, try making foreplay last longer and have him massage your clit more. But if you can't work up to that level of excitement, which sounds like it may be happening, make sure that you use enough lube so that you're wet and slippery (and that the outside of the condom is lubed too after he gets it on). Then use a position where you can open your legs pretty wide and then use your hands to guide his penis into you since you probably know where things are better than he does. (My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half and he still sometimes has trouble finding the entrance in some positions, hehe). Make him go slow as he is penetrating you--it should be comfortable for you, and if it starts getting uncomfortable have him stop where he is until you feel better.

I agree with jns that rubbing your clit during intercourse might also make things better for you. I often do that, or have my boyfriend do it. Also, if he goes to deep and hits your cervix, that is a definite turn-off. It's a bigger problem in some positions than others. Plus, my boyfriend likes to enter me really deeply as he climaxes, and in some positions this can hurt a lot. Over time you will learn to judge and so will he--just make sure he knows that "too deep" is a possibility he needs to be on the lookout for.

HTH! :-)

[lizzardb63]

To help ease him in, use lube. If he's larger it helps a lot. My fiance and I use it every time. Second of all, have you ever asked him why he doesnt' stay hard with a condom on? Perhaps it's the wrong size.

I guess my question for your is why is it awkward to have sex with your fiance? If you've been together long enough and are serious enough for marriage, why is it awkward? You should be comfortable with each other and able to experiement without it being weird, IMO. Anyway, it might just take some time, but just keep trying. You will figure it out.

[DreamP346]

we have all been where you are. Trust me, we didn't all become the lovers we are today from day one. Part of the fun of the relationship is with exploring new things. Read some books to help you. I always recommend Guide to Getting it On. Ask each other what you like. Be willing to tell your part what you like and don't like and tell them to do things differently. There is nothing wrong with giving directions. Losing an erection is not that uncommon when you are just starting out and it can be nervous.

Make sure you spend lots of time with foreplay. Have your partner give you oral. Having an orgasm really relaxes your muscles and makes penetration easier.

do you have any hang ups about sex like guilt that its dirty or wrong? That can really hamper your ability to enjoy sex. Talk to your partner and what you want from this relationship. That really helps you enjoy each other.

You don't have to be in love or trying to get married to enjoy sex. Just need good communication with your partner and understanding of your own body.

[MiskatonicAmane]

I would have replied with a thank you sooner, but work, college, and life in general got in the way. I'm going to check out that book, the Guide to Getting It On. I've given him oral (which I could use some tips on that too) but so far I have been too nervous to receive. We got some bigger condoms and those appear to go on a lot easier. Thank you all so much for your tips! We're certainly going to be putting them to use.

[lizzardb63]

Good for you I am glad things are getting better.