[James1978]

I'm curious what your thoughts are about having sex on the first date. How many dates do you usually wait or expect to wait? Have you ever done it on the first date? How has this changed since you first started having sex?

[ItsASecret]

A lot of people do this, personally I never would. I would want to know someone before I got into bed with them and a cup of coffee or a quick dinner is not enough for me to get to know someone. I do not want have myself be just another number for them so I would choose to put off sex for as long as it took to be comfortable with them to have sex.

[DreamP346]

Personally, I don't think of it as a big deal. Really depends on your take of sex and relationships. When I was dating, my goal was to have a good time, whether it was sex, hanging out or ending in relationship. Actually, getting into a serious relationship was usually the last thing on my mind. I slept with my husband on the first official date, but we had hung out together, non-date like, before.

[Little]

As I mentioned in your other thread, sex BEFORE the first date was really no big deal to me. If I wanted it (and the person I was with was receptive, of course,) I'd take it.

Before I began having "real" sex, I'd withhold oral sex or other sex acts to try to make men "respect" me. Of course, I found out the hard way that this tactic doesn't work. So I decided to just do what I wanted, only when I wanted to ... not using sex as a feelings-manipulator anymore. This realization came late in my teen years. Good stuff.

[James1978]

As I mentioned in your other thread, sex BEFORE the first date was really no big deal to me. If I wanted it (and the person I was with was receptive, of course,) I'd take it.

Before I began having "real" sex, I'd withhold oral sex or other sex acts to try to make men "respect" me. Of course, I found out the hard way that this tactic doesn't work. So I decided to just do what I wanted, only when I wanted to ... not using sex as a feelings-manipulator anymore. This realization came late in my teen years. Good stuff.

Where have you been all my life Little? And where do I find more just like you?

[Olympia]

James,

Like the 2 other posters, It depended on the comfort level. And not every partner was I sexually attracted. Some become close friends of mine, nothing more.
I am very fortunate to have that. However, I did dive in a couple times too early, I should have waited, the hormones were ablaze...

[Little]

Lol, James, thanks for the compliment. It's all about maturity and really concentrating on the problem. I had to kiss a lot of frogs, go through a lot of situations that HURT despite my better sensibilities, I had to really insist on getting what I was looking for in the total package rather than seeing one good trait (or one bad one) and holding on like mad (or running like mad.) I had to give sex-as-manipulation a fair shot before I could realize that it didn't work. I got rejected a lot, and it only rarely had to do with whether I'd have sex at a certain time. It was really about the guy and how invested he was in me - how the OTHER traits I was showing were mixing with his traits, whether he was at a time in his life when he wanted a serious relationship (and whether I was!)
You've posted a lot of threads trying to gauge what's okay or normal or what women are looking for as a whole ... I say you should try to go for what you want and look for what will make you happy. It's obvious you've put a premium on a robust sex life. So if a woman "puts out" on the first date, great. If she gives you a reasoned response that boils down to "Hey, I like sex, but I like to get to know you first," that's great too. But look hard at those who poo-pooh sex or act like you're a perv for wanting it, ask yourself why they responded in that way ... and whether waiting for them to come around is worth your time. Listening to what people are really saying, deciding whether they're frank or being coy, and what their words mean to you, is a great skill.

[lizzardb63]

Whatever you feel comfortable with. Just make sure the guy or girl respects you or you might end up getting used.

[James1978]

You've posted a lot of threads trying to gauge what's okay or normal or what women are looking for as a whole ... I say you should try to go for what you want and look for what will make you happy. It's obvious you've put a premium on a robust sex life.

You're right about that. I have posted a lot of threads trying to gauge what's okay, etc. I think there are a few reasons for that. One is that I have only been with one girl. And it was a really bad, unhealthy relationship. But, it was the first long term relationship I had ever been in. So, after that experience, I'm a little conflicted about what to do next. On the one hand, I want to have fun, not be tied down, but still have a good time, and have an active sex life. But I'm not really sure about how to go about doing that without committing to one girl. On the other hand, I keep thinking that I'm not really getting any younger. And if I want to have a family, I better find a girl and settle down soon. But I don't want to feel like I missed out on having a fun single life for a while. I'm just now getting out of Law School, and I'll be taking the bar exam in July. I've spent the past 8 years trying to get through school. I've been scraping by, barely making enough money to pay the bills. That means it's been close to ten years without having the resources to go out and have fun on a regular basis. So the reason I ask a lot of sex questions is that I think you ladies are a good resource to try to figure out what is acceptable and what is not. I also have not quite figured out how to approach the subject of sex with women I am attracted to. So, really, I'm just kind of confused about how to get what I want. Also, I was addicted to porn for a long time. Now that I've been off it for a while, I'm starting to regain my ability and desire to have relationships with people. But I kinda feel like I need to re-learn how to socially interact with people. With women I'm attracted to, I'm trying to figure out how to walk the line between seeming desperate, seeming perverted, and seeming lame and prude. That was a longer post than I thought it would be. Ha ha!

[Little]

Don't worry, I'm not bashing you for posting the threads you have - they have been great questions with varied answers that I have enjoyed responding to! I was just giving you advice for what seems like your "greater question" as well.