[Joe77]

This is a sequel to my other thread.

I want to talk with my wife of 5 years about maybe working on our sex life, and one thing I want to do is see if I can give her an orgasm somehow, since I am 99.99999% sure I never have, since all we ever do is missionary and I don't last long, and she's never been keen on oral.

Anyway, I thought I would just tell her something like:

"I think we should focus for a while on appreciation and getting to know each others' entire body and mind in an intimate sense instead of just having sex, because I think we'll both enjoy it. One thing I want to try to do is give you an orgasm, because I want to see you have that pleasure."

She might just hem and haw a bit, or not give much of a response (she's good at that) or even say "OK".

But what if she tries to insist she IS having orgasms? She's not a liar, but I could see her trying to say this. How do I respond to that, since all evidence I've ever seen would suggest she is not?

Do I just smirk and say "baby, it's OK, but I know you're not being up front with me" or say "I'm not stupid, I understand female sexuality" or just say "OK" and let it be her loss since she is unwilling to bend?

Now, it's possible she cannot orgasm or cannot do so easily, so she would rather not have the stress of trying. I won't pressure her if that is the case, but I'd rather her be honest about it.

[ItsASecret]

She could agree to at least try and see where the intimacy night idea goes. There is no way to predict the outcome though. One thing to note though never ever place pressure on an orgasm happening, do not show frustration that there is no orgasm happening and never make it a goal. The more pressure there is to have one the less likely it is to occur. There is no manual to getting it done. No two women are the same in that department so do not assume a single thing you may have done with an ex will work on your wife...not saying you are going in with the idea it will it is just that many men go into a new sex situation thinking that a woman's orgasm is like a handbook and you just repeat procedures x,y,z like with a previous woman and the new partner will orgasm. Does not happen like that. If she is open to the idea do not expect an orgasm the first go at it just let things flow and see what touches make her feel better or what speeds and pressures may cause a more pleasurable feeling.

However if her answer is that she is having an orgasm it can go two ways:

1. She says she is having orgasms and you believe her because you say your wife is not a liar so you believe what she says.

2. Least favorable outcome. She says she is having orgasms and she may truly be and you say "baby, it's OK but I know you're not being up front with me" or "I'm not stupid, I understand female sexuality" and she becomes PO'd at you for not believing her and talking in a condescending tone. If that happens you are up the creek without a paddle and the likelihood of gaining a sexual trust in an already sexually quite individual is slim to none. Also, do not say you understand female sexuality if you do not...if you knew you would not be asking questions.


What you need to ask yourself is whether or not you will believe her. You seem convinced that even if she said she has had an orgasm you would not believe her, that can put a damper on things. If she does say she has had an orgasm then run with that, ask her when it happens and how it happens. If there is some specific pressure spot, if there is a certain rhythm she liked and so on. Find those details because if she knows how it happened then there is greater chance of success in the future since the first hurdle in an orgasm is a woman knowing what she does and does not like.

[Joe77]

Thanks for the advice.

I don't know what she will say, honestly. Considering though that she hasn't been keen on anything but missionary, with no fingering or oral beforehand for years, and I rarely last more than 90 seconds tops in that position, orgasm is EXTREMELY unlikely.

I don't know if she will say she is having them, but would it even be possible? I am just trying to prepare for all possibilities. I guess I just have to take her word even if I did suspect she wasn't being truthful. Again, I don't know she would do this.

[BabyGirl]

Some women have what the Call Mini or Mild Orgasms, Others the Explosive or Electric ones .
Your Wife, may never have had the Electric one.

But there is a Site that I recommend that you may look at. Of Course I will not Post actual site, but you can Research it.
It has a " Guide Or Steps " of telling if a Woman has a " Real Total Orgasm ".

While both feel wonderful, men and women’s orgasms are completely different. The misunderstanding surrounding the differences in orgasms cause much of humanity’s pain. Through a thorough understanding of the differences in orgasms, lovers can become sexually compatible and experience more love, joy, satisfaction and unity. They become one, feel each other and when people feel one another completely, they are less likely to harm them, even unconsciously.

A man’s orgasm is a sharp peak while a woman experiences a series of waves rising followed by one declining wave. To better understand, the female orgasm is separated into nine steps or stages of experience, but in reality the steps are joined together and overlap in various degrees creating a multi-level experience.

A woman riding the orgasmic wave resembles a lotus flower blossoming. As the woman orgasms, the flower gently unfolds until she experiences all nine levels of orgasm, which is considered a complete orgasm. When she is in full bloom, this totally open flower is exquisite, yet vulnerable. She now surrenders to you, her devotee, the man (or woman), who has served her so well.

Each orgasm level energizes specific body parts and evokes observable response in the woman:
Level
Energized Organs
Observable Response

One Lungs * The woman sighs, breathes heavy, salivates

Two Heart *Woman extends tongue to her lover while kissing

Three *Spleen, Pancreas, Stomach.*..Woman grasps and holds man tightly with activated muscles

Four *Kidneys, Bladder* ... Vaginal spasms and secretions flow

Five *Bones ...Joints loosen and she may feel the urge to bite her lover

Six *Liver, Nerves *...Woman undulates and gyrates like a snake, wrapping limbs around her lover

Seven *Blood*.... Blood boiling, she frantically touches her lover everywhere

Eight *Muscles *...Muscles relax. Urge to bite intensifies as she grabs her lover's nipples or Testicles.

Nine* Entire Body Energized Woman collapses in "mini death", surrenders to her lover and is completely open

Now this is just a " Tantra" but is At least a Tutorial of how the Female Orgasm may work , When you look at all of the Organs that are needed to be in function at the same time to Reach # 9. It is possible that her body is not in Sync ( healthy enough ) for the Big O , or she may just have the Mini "O's", which are good enough for her, or she is Fine with them .



[/FONT]

[ItsASecret]

Tantra is something one needs to fully accept as a religion almost before anything really can happen. The subject does involve some "out there" ideas like life energies and spiritual sex and acceptance of those things in order to define an orgasm in Tantra terms. Outside of Tantra if a woman is experiencing an orgasm then she will have the orgasm signs in which the vaginal spasms are the main sign and how she reacts emotionally with screaming or moaning etc is different for each woman but the vaginal spasms of some degree are the sign of the orgasm. Simply feeling good is simply feeling good, not an orgasm, in the Tantra world simply feeling good with spasms or not is an orgasm. If someone does believe in it then their orgasms can be an "orgasm" simply because they are breathing heavy or they move their hips a bit and if they like that definition then great they are having an orgasm but Tantra certainly should not be used as the basis for how an orgasm should happen because there is a difference between full out vaginal contraction orgasm and simply a tingle in the loins from being aroused.

[Stillness]

Urge to bite intensifies...

Unless his wife is a lioness, I wonder about this list.

Although in hindsight I have been scratched, choked and headbutted.

[BabyGirl]

Lol * Secret & Stillness.

It was more of a Tutorial Guide, for him to maybe try and feel her responses, as to whether or not she is lying about climaxing. If she Tightens internally a bit or if she curled her toes . She may be Satisfied with the Sex ( or even Internal " O" )

I posted it to see if he his paying attention to what " moves " she makes while doing the 2 Minute Sex..

And Yes " TANTRA " in itself can be Considered Religious, but it also can be just a study done from ones who have the "Knack Down " to Making Her " have the MINI DEATH . By very Experienced Long Time Lovers.

To me, it would only be a Beginning Tutorial. And or a Chart, for Both the Man & Woman, to keep in Mind. As in Wow, I had or Did #1-4, but never tried # 5-9. Or we had 2,6, 7 then 3 .

Although in hindsight I have been scratched, choked and headbutted.

Not Going There and even Thinking of Asking you Still .. Lol
Well Wondering about the being Buttheaded .. And Broken Nose or ? Nevermind .. Lmao.

Back to the issue, He wants to try new things or have or believe her Say, she has " O's", so even the Tantra , list, may have him, pay a bit more attention, while and when he has the sex or even during foreplay.

Isn't Making Love an Art ?
And Most Artists have to Study and Practice a long time to get recognized .

[latika08]

This is a sequel to my other thread.

I want to talk with my wife of 5 years about maybe working on our sex life, and one thing I want to do is see if I can give her an orgasm somehow, since I am 99.99999% sure I never have, since all we ever do is missionary and I don't last long, and she's never been keen on oral.

Anyway, I thought I would just tell her something like:

"I think we should focus for a while on appreciation and getting to know each others' entire body and mind in an intimate sense instead of just having sex, because I think we'll both enjoy it. One thing I want to try to do is give you an orgasm, because I want to see you have that pleasure."

She might just hem and haw a bit, or not give much of a response (she's good at that) or even say "OK".

But what if she tries to insist she IS having orgasms? She's not a liar, but I could see her trying to say this. How do I respond to that, since all evidence I've ever seen would suggest she is not?

Do I just smirk and say "baby, it's OK, but I know you're not being up front with me" or say "I'm not stupid, I understand female sexuality" or just say "OK" and let it be her loss since she is unwilling to bend?

Now, it's possible she cannot orgasm or cannot do so easily, so she would rather not have the stress of trying. I won't pressure her if that is the case, but I'd rather her be honest about it.

Joe, you are trying to much to spice up your sex life. As a lady, i can say sex doesnot meant only penetration and orgasm. Sex is love that you love to do only with your better half. Many women feel or have pseudo orgasms and that may happen due to premature ejaculation of the partner and all. Dont worry, talk with her about this but not like as if you are discussing about future plan. Talk in a loving manner. you can always watch a passionate movie together and you started cuddling her, at the very time you can say your words that ''are you comfortable if i lick you or oral'. we women are such that even a simple yet passionate kiss throws us to a sea of emotions. if she resists, don get disheartened you can slowly approach her and give a oral. No women who passionately love her partner can reject this. Clear her doubt if she has any about oral sex. Just like i had that if i swallow my bf's sperm, i may get pregnant. but the way he tackled the issue.I just love him for that.
You will be just okk. dont worry.

[Joe77]

Joe, you are trying to much to spice up your sex life. As a lady, i can say sex doesnot meant only penetration and orgasm. Sex is love that you love to do only with your better half. Many women feel or have pseudo orgasms and that may happen due to premature ejaculation of the partner and all. Dont worry, talk with her about this but not like as if you are discussing about future plan. Talk in a loving manner. you can always watch a passionate movie together and you started cuddling her, at the very time you can say your words that ''are you comfortable if i lick you or oral'. we women are such that even a simple yet passionate kiss throws us to a sea of emotions. if she resists, don get disheartened you can slowly approach her and give a oral. No women who passionately love her partner can reject this. Clear her doubt if she has any about oral sex. Just like i had that if i swallow my bf's sperm, i may get pregnant. but the way he tackled the issue.I just love him for that.
You will be just okk. dont worry.

Well, as my other thread says, it's her that seems to not be open to the idea that other things besides penetration constitute sex. However, we did talk.

Rather than try to throw the whole thing at her at once, I basically had a conversation with her about having conversations about sex. Rather than jump right to the "I want to give you an orgasm" question we talked about ways to enjoy each others' bodies in different ways, and to help her be more open about her desires and feelings. She was very open to that idea but admitted it will take some time for her.

She said that she'd be open to trying some new positions and techniques, and we ended that part of the conversation with the plan to discuss sex more openly as time goes on, and I can bring up another sexual or sensual subject each time.

Oral in particular I didn't bring up, this time. I thought about it a bit more, and didn't want to overload her all in one single conversation. Same thing with the topic of orgasm in particular.

What's funny is I said that I would obviously like to have sex more often than we do now, but we should focus on the entire body and such. I said that "sex once a week at least would be nice" (giving a conservative number) she said "well I was thinking more like 3 times a week if we had the time".

So turns out maybe her libido is still buried in there after all.

[Stillness]

Well Wondering about the being Buttheaded

♪BabyGirl♪,

I thought you and I were cool. Is this a freudian slip?