[lady7474]

Hi,
I've come to the conclusion that I think I want sex more than my boyfriend does (although he'd never admit that). We've been together for almost 2 years. I'm 21, he's 24. we've had multiple arguments about who should initiate sex, my feelings unwanted, my bad (according to him) ways of initiating sex, etc, etc. I have been terrified to bring this up in fear of starting yet another argument. But it just seems that he is not as sexual as i am (maybe).

Here's the deal:

-when we have sex, it's great. amazing actually. and lasts for an hour usually. He always says i'm amazing and that was great and so on. so I don't think the problem is that it's boring.

- I have a problem with spotting. my doctor is trying to figure it out for me but we're both coming up short with the answers. I spot at least ten days out of each month. this drastically hurts my sex life. thus, when i'm not spotting, i'm extremely eager to have sex all the time. (all the time to me is at least once a day), until i do spot again.

-I caught my boyfriend's porn addiction. He watched porn a lot (from what I could tell) and while i was unsatisfied with our sex life, this was not going to work for me. I told him to drop the porn or i'm out of the relationship. Because when he's constantly getting his appetite fixed on the internet, i'm left unsatisfied and hurt because he'd rather touch himself to porn stars than his attractive, loving girlfriend.

-i've recently read some things on forums that guys posted saying "but men will usually drop whatever they are doing to go have sex but once they realize they can get it whenever they want they only want it when they want it". so i'm thinking that maybe my high sex drive is actually working against me. maybe this is why my boyfriend doesn't eagerly initiate things with me anymore (but once a week of course). because he can get it when HE wants it, every time.

My issue lies here: I want to fix this. because i know that as time goes by things could only get worse. he's definitely someone i could marry and I refuse to deal with sexual problems throughout a marriage when i'm already dealing with them beforehand. I think either a.) my sex drive is higher than his (and he's clueless to that) or b.) he's still watching porn and getting his fix there (although i've asked him directly 3 times and he says he stopped) or c.) other suggestions????? NOw, i know many people would think "well maybe he's not attracted to her". but not tooting my own horn, but he IS sexually attracted to me-without a doubt. I am just getting very frustrated and taking this personally. I want to cry everytime we have the opportunity to have sex and he just doesn't initiate it. He's given me reasons like "i just didn't think of it" or "if you would have initiated it, i definitely would have wanted to have sex" or "well we've been fighting a lot and that's the last thing on my mind." but the problem is I AM NOT SATISFIED and i do not feel wanted/desired. and he is against sex toys so getting satisfaction from those isn't an option. I don't know how to talk to him about this without hurting him and possibly making things worse. please help :/

[jns]

10 days or more is a long time to go without sex for a guy who likes sex and for you also. Is there a reason for abstention other than spotting? Do you two have any sex life during that time such as giving him oral or masturbation? Does he masturbate you while you are spotting?

[lady7474]

it's usually not ten days in a row that i'm spotting, but ten or so days throughout the month. When i'm spotting or even on my period I still give oral to him. he only gets me off during my spotting when I initiate things or ask. even though, most of the time, he has no idea I am spotting.

[latika08]

it's usually not ten days in a row that i'm spotting, but ten or so days throughout the month. When i'm spotting or even on my period I still give oral to him. he only gets me off during my spotting when I initiate things or ask. even though, most of the time, he has no idea I am spotting.

I agree with you. boys do get irritated or gets off when he comes to know that you are spotting. I myself experienced this. but the thing is I try to initiate sex not just bringing him closer, unzip his pants. I try to make food that he specially likes or do things that attracts him. even my bf was a porn addict. but i tried to fillup those gaps(that he had before he got me) and he is back again to me. don worry with time he will be ok.

P.S : try to be a lil naughty at places or outsdise when you both dining or shopping. Boys do shy alot but they love it and from there it starts. Best of luck.

[lady7474]

thank you. I find myself trying NOT to initiate sex when I want it in hopes that he will. i screw myself over in that sense, being left unsatisfied. but i'm worried that initiating it too much will leave him lazy and accustomed to me doing it. When i do initiate sex, it's always straight forward and to the point. I just go right for his stuff and he never seems to mind and has told me before that that's the way to do it.

[latika08]

thats what i was talking about. Sex doesnot mean his penis, your vagina, enter it and all ends. No nothing. Mistake is there in your part too. Untill and unless you allow him to wander through your body, feel it till that time he will be unaware of your body. Bite his ears, make him lick your shoulders, armpits, breast.It will take time for him and you to accustomed but i guarantee you, you both will enjoy. Sex is Love not penetration.!!

[DreamP346]

Reading your post, I have a few questions. You say he doesn't like the way you initiate. Can you expand on that? Also, when you initiate, does he respond or does he say no? Is it that you want him to initiate most of your sexual encounters?

The thing about men not wanting sex when its available is a stereotype. Its just that relationships change with time. In the beginning, there is a lot of sexual tension but as the relationship matures, we (both men and women) want something different than just getting off. Its true, the initial lust is gone, but it is replaced by a different type of attraction for each other. Its true you probably won't have as just sex, but that doesn't mean you both should be sexually satisfied.

You also talk about porn addiction. How often does your partner watch porn? Does he masturbate to it? Just because he watched it in the past and watched a lot of it, doesn't mean he's addicted (if that was the case, then I would be an ice-cream addict )

Its not uncommon for a couple to have uneven sexual drives and it you read past posts on this site, its both men and women who can have the higher libido. Will masturbation get you by? Also, talk to your partner why he is against toys. Its only fair that if he doesn't take care of your needs, you could have the right to take care of them yourself.

[johnsachs75]

I think you should approach it from two different angles.

First, I would be suspicious about the porn issue. I am not quick to accuse someone of having a porn addiction, but I also know that some people do have one. Even if it hasn't reached an addiction level, the fact that he is a young man, you have caught him viewing porn "a lot", and that he is not very interested in having sex with his girfriend who he has only been with for two years is extremely suspicious. I would talk to him about it and look into installing a Net-Nanny type program on your computers (with his knowlege). I know that it may seem distasteful, but the issue is too serious to ignore or tip-toe around. It will only get worse.

The second thing I would do is some of the classic "better relationship sex" techniques, like setting aside a specific night to have sex, and specifically alternating whose turn it is to initiate.

Truth be told, you guys are awefully young to be having these kind of issues, especially if you have only been together for two years. I don't say this lightly - but I think there is a porn issue here that needs to be addressed.

[mrdee]

If you enjoy sex with him and he isnt interested in having sex with you as much as you want it, you definitely need to talk about things! You should be satisfied with your partner and be sexually satisfied as well! Sex is important ina relationship and you deserve to be satisfied!

[sexnlove]

I wish I was sexually satisfied. My hubby and i have been togethe one year. He never wants sex as much as i do. I have to beg for it. And he wont do oral or anything. I feel like ****. He cannot meet my sexual needs and im super sad.