[emz88]

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Hi! New here, and I have a problem that I'm sure you guys are sick of hearing about at this point...

I cannot orgasm with my boyfriend during sex. And not just during sex either...he fingers me, performs oral on me, and tries extremely hard to accommodate my wishes, changing positions with me and taking cues during foreplay and such, but...no dice. The thing is, I can always achieve orgasm through masturbating, but I do so in an extremely specific way. I almost always masturbate by lying on my stomach and rubbing against my clitoris, and it is usually the friction and the combination of the movements of my body and hands that gets me off. I wish I could replicate this during sex, but I almost feel like this masturbation technique does not "translate" into partner intercourse or even foreplay. I simply cannot get the pressure I need on my clitoris to orgasm through fingering or even having oral sex performed on me. I've been masturbating this way for a very long time, and I worry if this is why it's taking me SO long to learn to orgasm in a different way. I'd like to be able to "learn" to masturbate differently or how to incorporate toys into sex in order to get closer to the way that I masturbate. I realize that this could take time to get used to, and...I'll admit it. I get frustrated trying to masturbate in different ways, especially when it takes a long time to achieve any sort of pleasurable result. He COULD just watch me masturbate, of course, but I'd love to make the experience more interactive for him. Is this just going to be a matter of time as I learn to pleasure myself in a way that will "work better" with partner intercourse or mutual masturbation? Obviously I realize that when it all comes down to it, this is something only I can truly find a good solution to, but has anyone experienced anything similar - masturbation techniques not "syncing up" with intercourse or foreplay with another person - and does anyone have any tips?

Blah. Hope my ramblings make sense. I'm not as concerned about HIM "making" me orgasm during actual intercourse, but I'd like to be able to guide him to help please me more during foreplay and intercourse if possible. It could also just be that I'll be needing to take charge in order to achieve orgasm, and I'm fine with that. I realize that this is sort of a complicated way to present my problem, and in the end it is going to take time, practice, and communication. But I was just wondering if anyone has had a similar situation to mine, and how they've gone about improving it.

[jns]

First, from what I have read, you are not alone. Many women have specific ways that they achieve orgasm and there are many variations amongst them.

To learn how to masturbate using other methods, break down what is happening, then try to amplify each part. Then put things that work together in different combinations.

In your case, you lay on your stomach, move your body and stimulate your clitoris, probably with a fair amount of pressure. Lying on your stomach allows your chest, stomach and thighs to come in contact with bedding, or a rug. The movement causes stimulation of all such areas.

You could start by laying as you usually do and guiding your bf's hand in applying rubbing and pressure to your clitoris and clitoral hood. Have him keep his hand relatively limp, and do all the motion with it. I'm sure he will find it fascinating to see you build to orgasm unless he is self centered. After a while have him learn to rub your clitoris solo.

Once he has got the idea and you can orgasm from his touch, try putting a soft towel over him as he lies face up. Make sure it contacts those areas you get sensation from when you lie face down. Then lie on him face down with your head between his knees, thighs or higher. It may help to use a pillow there. Your legs will go past his head. You will be exposed to him and if you place your body in the right position, he will be able to use one or both hands to stimulate your clitoris and clitoral hood. If he keeps one hand free, he will be able to massage your butt, thighs, waist and back. You will be able to move to get stimulation to your breasts, chest, stomach and thighs. Hopefully with a little practice, he will have you orgasming. From there go on to him giving you oral or having him use his shaved chin to put enough pressure on your clitoris for you to climax.

[mywife]

rub yourself against his organ

[emz88]

Thanks a lot, jns. That was just the sort of detailed response I was looking for. I will be sure to put your tips into practice!