[sshelly]

My wife and I have been married for nine years. We only dated for about three months prior to getting married. I am 35. She is 35 as well. We were both raised in conservative families. I had been married once before for about three years. My first wife loved oral sex. She would work as him every single time.

When I married my first wife I perform oral sex on her the first night and she really didn't like it at all. It only lasted at most maybe five minutes. Occasionally she will let me do it if it's my birthday or something like that. Again it only lasts about five minutes. I just don't understand it. It is literally my favorite thing in the world do. I don't know how to get her to like it. Or how to broach the subject of wanting it so badly. Whenever I do it she always says that it tickles or she will call me out on top of her.

Any ideas would be helpful. By the way she doesn't like to perform oral sex on me either. I don't really care as I don't like it either.

[mywife]

I am sorry i cant help, thats strange
maybe she was raised to think sex=dirty

[sshelly]

I am sorry i cant help, thats strange
maybe she was raised to think sex=dirty

It is literally the best thing the world. I love it so much. I just don't know if I can keep going without it.

[DreamP346]

Soooo many reasons. You won't know unless you have an open discussion with her. Here are just some of the reasons that I can think of:

1) Cultural/social hang ups to think its dirty/bad

2) She really is dirty. Its difficult to feel sexy when you feel you need to wash up first. Have you tried right out of the shower?

3) Feels she has to reciprocate and therefore can't enjoy since she is thinking that she will have to do something she doesn't like for you

4) Are you doing it right? Maybe read a book together. Make it fun and try to practice what the book says

5) She really doesn't like it. Everybody is different and has different preferences to what they like.

You need to have a nice open talk with her, explain what you want and why you love it. Tell her you don't want oral back because you get more pleasure giving than recieving. Tell her you want her to tell/show you what she likes. Ask her if she would be willing to do this for you, not for herself. If its social perceptions about sex that is preventing her from enjoying, that will take a long time to overturn. Its not going to happen overnight.

[soccerlady]

It is literally the best thing the world. I love it so much. I just don't know if I can keep going without it.

Perhaps there is some abuse involved from the past that makes her hate it??

Talk to her about it

[JonDoe]

For the first 10 years of our marriage, my wife wouldn't let me give her oral sex, nor would she give me oral sex. Despite having tried many times to talk about sex outside of the bedroom, she would bring the conversation to an abrupt end. However, one night just before having sex I told her that I wanted to give her oral, and if she honestly didn't like it, then I'd never ask again. She reluctantly agreed expecting to end this once and for all; however, 10 years later, we never have sex without me giving her oral. However, she almost never gives me oral (read once every few years) and when she does it is with total lack of enthusiasm, and for no more than 1-2 minutes, and never once to orgasm.

Good luck!

[Ethel eden]

Dats kinda suprising for a woman not to enjoy oral sex,its like the fastest way to get a woman wet and ready for sex.i also think you should talk to her about it.

[balanced]

From my own experience, when we first met and started having sex I never let my husband give me oral. I gave it to him willingly (much to his delight) but take it nup. For me I was really nervous and shy. It felt fantastic but very intense and I did not know how to deal with that. I also very rarely came. It wasn't that I was raised to believe it dirty or anything I was just not experienced in sexuality to accept the feelings and go with them. it took many years and lots of patience from my DH to achieve it. Before I accepted it, an orgasm was like a unicorn for me, mythical. DH worked hard for it to. He started out helping me touch myself and learning how to accept the feelings and love them. Then he would gently kiss my fingers and give a light touch of oral, he never went **** for leather like a pie eating contest. Eventually as I got more and more in touch with myself and experienced the sensations in a safe, loving, not threatening environment he could give me proper oral and now I love it, every time we have sex he does it and I come every time, probably was 8-10 years in to our marriage I finally accepted it and love it . It was more fear of the intense feelings for me and learning how to accept them and channel them.
You need to make sure she is very relaxed, start slow, give it a gentle kiss on the way past, don't linger, kiss her all over so it becomes part of the pattern, this way she wont tense when you try and she may eventually let you linger longer. Don't force her, don't make an issue of it or you will never get there, help her masturbate and learn about herself and work up to it.

But in saying that if you don't like to receive it how do you ever hope to make her accept it? If sex is only penetration for you why would she want differently?

[Guest]

If she doesn't like it, you may not be doing it correctly, or she honestly may not like it.

Read this book She Comes First by Ian Kerner Ph.D If, after reading this book and being allowed to try the techniques you learn from the book, she still doesn't like it, then she just doesn't like it.

Different strokes for different folks. Thank goodness there is more to intimacy than just oral.

[Kiwicherry]

There are already alot of good tips given above. I just want to point out again that she could have had a bad experience with receiving oral. When my boyfriend and I tried it first, it was unpleasant for me. On the one hand, I was kind of ashamed because of the moisture and its odor and on the other hand he did something with his tongue that really did not feel good. Your wife could have experienced a similar situation and now think that oral always feels like this. Ask her to be allowed to give her soft kisses on her thigh and fanny hill. Don't go further. Just do this and then leave it. When you're in a sexual situation next time, do it again. Stroke her vaginal region while you kiss her on the belly... Be very slowly and gentle. Don't go down on her and start licking her clit or anything. I think it needs a veeeeery long time till she would accept oral. Maybe this could help you a little.