[Sunnybrook]

I've been married to my husband for almost 2 years. He is diabetic and has ED. We've never had sex with each other. The way most of the medicines work is different than the reason for his problem. We tried one type of medicine. The urologist told us that he could have surgery or have injections directly into his penis to try that.... we tried a pump, also, no go. He says he gets frustrated when he gets sexually aroused and it is painful and he needs release, so his answer is to just not be sexual at all. We don't have insurance any more, he is out of work right now, and also his diabetes makes his health a big deal. Even when he DOES get insurance the choices just don't look good. He hates the shots he gives himself every day to live.... and he really doesn't want to give himself a shot in the penis. Surgery could be life threatening, considering his health. He's 18 years older than me, and I knew that it might be a struggle to have sex, because he told me he was experiencing some problems before we got married. But we thought medicine would help.
I feel like I'm sexually STARVING. I feel very frustrated. I haven't had sex since I was married to my ex husband. I have always had a strong sex drive. My husband is such a wonderful person and I love him very much. But I want to do SOMETHING. And he doesn't want to be frustrated and he doesn't want me to be frustrated. I want to know....if he can't get an erection is there SOME way he can have release so that I can have some kind of release, also? Masturbation has never been as satisfying to me, I seem to need the touch and involvement of another person. I haven't been masturbating. At this point, I'm still SHY around him because it's been awhile since we have even TRIED.
I mostly try to just not think about sex, but I think it contributes to feelings of depression and also overeating. I'm trying to change the overeating, and I do take antidepressants, but I feel like we could have such a fuller life if we could have sex. Any suggestions about ways he could have physical release. Thanks.

[Stillness]

Crazy thought: prostate massage? I know it's a bit daring since you're shy and you've never had sex with him. Desperate times call for desperate measures though. I know a lot of dudes wouldn't be cool with this, but you never know. I don't know how much of a release it gives, but I know it can stimulate ejaculation. I remember a guy I worked with being embarrassed and shocked when he ejaculated from a prostate exam from the shop doctor.

If you did do something like that, you'd probably have to be gentle so he doesn't bleed.

Hopefully someone else has a better idea. That's all I could think of that doesn't require an erection. Although I don't know if an erection is absolutely necessary even with penile stimulation to ejaculate.

[Sunnybrook]

I'll do some research on that....not sure how to give prostate massage, but I sure wouldn't want him to bleed. It takes him a long time to heal, even from bruises and scrapes that wouldn't be a big deal with other people. Thanks for the creative idea.

[Stillness]

Hey Sunnybrook. I just did a quick search, and as I suspected, it seems that a erection may not be necessary to ejaculate from penile stimulation. Can he get semi-erect or is it completely flaccid? Because if it's semi, then I think you can definitely work with it. During my refractory period I have felt close and probably could have with proper stimulation. I've heard of premature ejaculation occuring before full erection. It would probably mean him being highly aroused.

I'm thinking that whatever you do is probably going to mean coming out of your comfort zone. I know that's easier said than done, but you're sorta stuck with each other now. That means you can let it all hang out because he's yours and you're his.

[DreamP346]

Is your husband opposed to other types of sexual activity at all? Like oral, toys, role playing, etc? There is a lot you two can do together without an erection. Also, he doesn't have to cum to get sexual satisfaction.

[Hugo-B]

I'm sorry to hear about these problems.

Cialis, lasts about 72 hours, allowing spontaneous sex throughout that period. My diabetic friend uses it. However, as you said due to the other problems that may not be an option.

You can get these hollow strap on dildos for men to wear, his flacid penis slips inside the dildo which is hollow. This would allow him to give you pleasure without causing himself any discomfort. Premature ejaculation wouldn't be an issue either. This will at the very least take the pressure off of him and give you a release which can only be a good start.

[Texasred]

I can tell you the shots work, amazingly well for a non-diabetic person at least, and they are relatively painless, especially considering the potential reward!
They're not cheap and insurance probbly won't cover them but still at roughly $20 each - a bargain!

[JanieMarie]

OK, don't take this the wrong way but perhaps you should try using a strap-on him. For men that can't get erect they can often reach orgasm through prostate stimulation. And if he can't reach full orgasm it's possible that he could at least enjoy the prostate massage that strap-on sex provides.