[Paddlepop]

TJPatriot, thanks for the input, it is good to hear from a male perspective. The question is if someone is more into masturbation than sex how do you entice them into having more sex? I think it is important that both partners are sexually satisfied in a relationship. We sometimes go for months without sex and to be brutally honest it has crossed my mind to go out and find someone else to have sex with, no strings attached.

[TJPatriot]

TJPatriot, thanks for the input, it is good to hear from a male perspective. The question is if someone is more into masturbation than sex how do you entice them into having more sex? I think it is important that both partners are sexually satisfied in a relationship. We sometimes go for months without sex and to be brutally honest it has crossed my mind to go out and find someone else to have sex with, no strings attached.

Well, it certainly should not be months between sex, unless that's all both partners desire.

I would sit him down and talk to him, be as calm as you can. Say you need to have sex more often. Do not mention the porn, just say you need sex. If he does not wish to step up his game, ask permission to go to others for it.

Also, a note I had meant to address from the original post, it's fairly normal to be attracted to teenage females. My theory is that it's because when we men first begin looking at the opposite sex in a sexual manner...that's how old they are. For a number of years, too. Sure, tastes adapt, and to a point they certainly do, but you don't always forget what you used to enjoy so much.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think when considering the male sex drive, typically men have an urge to release. If they are not masturbating.. their urge to release will more than likely translate into being more interested in sexual intimacy with their partner. If the male in the relationship has a lower natural drive than his female partner... masturbating, knowing it will deplete what little urgency there is to be sexually intimate... is being negligent to the sexual health relationship.

On the flip, a woman that is desiring her partner masturbate less who does not make herself sexually available is also contributing to a break down in the overall sexual health of a relationship.

On the average, men and women have differences when it comes to drive and performance ability. A woman can masturbate 3 times in a row and still be fully capable of sexual performance. The average man would have difficulty with arousal/performance under the same circumstances.

Every relationship is unique, what is perfectly acceptable in others may be a huge problem in others. Its about meeting in the middle. A man that is not giving his partner the sex she is craving over lack of ability is a seperate issue than a man that is getting his own needs met, knowing it will take away from his ability to please his partner. The latter being selfish and a choice.

If you know your partner has spent the whole day slaving over a hot stove cooking a dinner for you and you stop off at mickey d's and load up on burgers, come home burping and full... thats a choice. And while that may be met with dissapointment and hurt, if it was only a rare case... a relationship could survive that sort of selfishness... but if it was day in day out neglect... no good can come of it.

[a_dub]

On the average, men and women have differences when it comes to drive and performance ability. A woman can masturbate 3 times in a row and still be fully capable of sexual performance. The average man would have difficulty with arousal/performance under the same circumstances.

Can the average woman really masturbate 3 times and still have sex? If I beat off 3x, I wouldn't be able to do someone for several hours at least...even if she was smoking hot!

[TJPatriot]

Can the average woman really masturbate 3 times and still have sex? If I beat off 3x, I wouldn't be able to do someone for several hours at least...even if she was smoking hot!

I wouldn't be able to beat off 3x...I don't think I could find enough arousing porn (since my desires are fairly limited and alter greatly depending on mood, and they usually can't be repeats).

As an average, women might be able to go 3x and be able to go for more...at least more often than men can, but I wouldn't say every woman is capable of that.

[suej]

Hi Paddlepop,
how do you know he has been masturbating to porn (and lying about it) for 5 years?

My husband watches porn on his own sometimes, and sometimes I watch it with him. He has a higher sex drive than me, and having him use porn on his own works for both of us. But! If I were not feeling sexually satisfied, I would not be comfortable with this arrangement. For you, it really is him choosing porn over being with you. That is not healthy or fair. If I was in the same situation as you, I would tell my partner "meet my needs first", and then porn can be a bonus for him, not a replacement for sex with me.

[Paddlepop]

Hi Paddlepop,
1. how do you know he has been masturbating to porn (and lying about it) for 5 years?

2. If I was in the same situation as you, I would tell my partner "meet my needs first", and then porn can be a bonus for him, not a replacement for sex with me.

1. He has been masturbating to porn for much longer than 5 years. My discovery of it was purely by accident. I know because when we finally sat down and had a conversation about it he told me.

2. Thanks, that is a good way of putting it. That is what I am hoping for. Simple as it sounds it does not seem to be that simple in practice though. He does not want my approval to watch porn, what appealed to him was the illicitness of the activity. I am not sure what is going to happen now that it is all in the open.

[jns]

If I was in the same situation as you, I would tell my partner "meet my needs first", and then porn can be a bonus for him, not a replacement for sex with me.

2. Thanks, that is a good way of putting it. That is what I am hoping for. Simple as it sounds it does not seem to be that simple in practice though. He does not want my approval to watch porn, what appealed to him was the illicitness of the activity. I am not sure what is going to happen now that it is all in the open.

Maybe some of the excitement will be gone if the masturbation to porn is out in the open, but I am pretty sure he will continue with it. Maybe he will conceal it again. It's sad if you have to set up a "contract"; that he wouldn't just realize that he has been neglectful and would strive to meet your wants and needs.