[Em25852]

So I am 17 years old and just graduated high school. My mom is under the impression that I have never even kissed a guy. But last summer when my parents got divorced I got into partying. I know that's no excuse, but I like it and I do it. Anyways last summer I had unprotected sex with someone (and it was the first time I ever had sex) I haven't had sex since then. I went to a health clinic a week after and I was fine. But I know sometimes you can have some sort of std that isn't detectable right away. Basically I just need to tell my mom I had sex and want her to come to the gynecologist with me. Keeping this from her has been killing me, and I need her support. She also has no idea that I've been drinking, so I just don't know what to do. HELP!

[jns]

I doubt your mother is completely naive about everything but she may think her daughter is different than all of the others. Please give examples of how your mother thinks and how she reacts to unexpected news. Some mothers would be relieved that their daughters came to them about this. Others would think that their lives are ruined.

[Stillness]

When my mother found out I was drinking and getting drunk, smoking weed, and having sex she didn't love me any less. She asked me questions, but was pretty cool about it. She thought I was innocent and was especially upset about the weed because my dad was a drug addict, but we talked like adults about it. She expressed her concerns, but it was not the end of the world.

Parents were 17 once too. They did stuff they shouldn't have. Sometimes they overeact, but she's probably not going to cut you off (assuming she's got modern western values). She'll probably appreciate and respect it if you sit her down and talk to her woman to woman and tell her that you made a mistake and need her support. Really, it's what good parents want their children to do when they make a mistake. They want to help them navigate through and succeed. Imagine if you had a daughter in the same position what you'd want her to say? Wouldn't you want her to come to you?

Be brave. Start off by saying, "I need your help, please."

[avvie_88]

If I were your mother, whatever disappointment I might feel would be overshadowed by the fact you went to a clinic and now you're CONTINUING to handle it correctly and wanting to go get another exam. That's respectable and I'm sure most parents would be proud of their kid for taking care of a "mistake" they made.

Now, if I were you (mind you, I was in a similar situation, just a couple years older than you, and I want to Planned Parenthood on my own) I would just be like, "Mom, I did something I shouldn't have a year ago. I had sex. I haven't had sex since. I went to a clinic and got tested, I was fine, but I want to go to a gyno. to make sure everything is STILL fine. I would just like your support and to come with me."

Good luck! And again, good for you for picking your responsibility up here!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's great that you are close to your Mother, but if so she should understand.

I think that the Divorce sent you into this confused state, you know? Where ah don't care about anything.

That's the initial conversation I think that you need to have with your Mother.

You started drinking, you had sex, yet you have Morals, standards and love... I think you need a hug and love .. Hugs to you.

Talk to her about the affect the Divorce has had but that you are a wise young lady and she bought you up well but in some instances you've struggled and need her more than ever.

CW

[Em25852]

Thanks for your replies guys. They really helped a lot. I still haven't told her yet though (I've been at my dads) just the thought of telling her terrifies me. I'm hoping I'll get up some courage soon though and tell her. And to "stillness", my mom will also be very upset about the drinking because the reason for my parents divorce was that my dad was/is an alcoholic. Bleh

[a_dub]

if you have a clean bill of health, thank your stars, and don't do it again. for a very long time.

[a_dub]

and always use rubbers!!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

A dub you being a Dad there?

Em, it's nice to be close but honestly... You are young, some things you can discuss when you are older with her.. You don't have to confess all, now...

You also have seen your Father go through things and maybe you are experimenting a little to see what he felt/ feels.. But, understand also it can be in the genes so do some googling on research.. Your future depends on you