[Guest]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He's the first and only boyfriend I've ever had, so really the only person I experimented with. I was with a girl once and two other guys once (at two different times), but I really only have been with my boyfriend. I'm currently 22 and he's 23. Only a few months older than me.

When we first started dating, we would have sex every day. More recently, in the last, maybe 4 months, it's died down a bit. It was around 4-5 times a week. At the moment, the last time we've had sex was almost a week ago.

For the last few months, I just haven't been feeling it like I did. It doesn't really feel as good to me anymore. It only really feels good when he's just about to come, only because he thrusts harder and faster. It's not like anything has really changed, there's still foreplay and what not, but I'm just not into it anymore.

The other day, he wanted to and I didn't. I mean, I did, my body did, but my brain didn't. I wasn't emotionally ready to have sex with him. I don't even know why. It's mostly been the reason why I haven't wanted to have sex with him in the past few days. He's asked, but I just tell him I don't want to. I mean, I'm horny right now and would masturbate, but don't want to have sex with him. Again, it's like my head doesn't want to have sex with him.

I have no idea what I'm lacking here. We don't fight, we spend a lot of time together, we're affectionate. There hasn't been any big changes in our lives. I'm not depressed I don't think. I don't know if it's maybe that we spend too much time together, but it's like I don't find him sexually attractive or maybe sexually exciting anymore. Is it romance that I'm missing? I just don't know.

I know that around the third year of the relationship, your body doesn't produce dopamine levels in response to your lover. I think this might be what's going on. How do I go about countering this and feeling a spark with him again?

[Guest]

Just to update real quick, he just asked me and thinking about actually having sex made me want to cry. That's how it felt that day when I wasn't emotionally ready to.

[Darling]

Try sex games new positions roll play, buy a toy? Put some excitement back into it. Good luck!

[Nholland]

It is normal to be less exciting cuz it's not new n like u said ur body isn't producing the dopamine. U can counter this by doing new things together. When u do new things like dates to new places and trying new things sexually ur body produces those feel-good hormones again. U hafta make an effort to keep it exciting. Try toys and new positions, maybe porn or sex in new places. Relationships are hard and based on more then lust and infatuation. It can't be sunshine and rainbows all the time. U hafta have love to fall back on n get u thru it. Also sex, like drugs n alcohol, trigger the pleasure cEnter of ur brain that makes u want more the more u have, so try forcing sex even when u don't feel like it and hopefully after awhile ull really want it more

[Guest]

Oh, I forgot to mention. I guess you can sat we're wild in bed. We've always had toys, watched porn, had sex in public, every position we could think of, etc. We never have the same exact sex every time. It's also not lack of orgasm, I have them very easily. It's just that they aren't as intense anymore. That's what I mean when i say it only really feels good when he's about to come.

I honestly don't think it's the physical part that's lacking, it's the other parts. The emotional side seems off.

Let me describe myself a little, I don't like smoking or drinking. I spend most of my time learning: watching documentaries, reading articles, researching topics. I'm pretty artistic and vain, I draw and paint. I want to go to school for animation and I spend a lot of time trying to make things look pretty. I really love animals, so a lot attention goes to my two dogs, cat and axolotls, I sell axolotls for a living. I don't have any friends because I don't like people. People often describe me as intimidating, stand off-ish, cold hearted, very introverted. My boyfriend is the only one I've ever easily shown affection to. He kind of taught me how to interact with people better. It's obvious that I'm an extremely logical and analytical person, most of my emotion goes to animals and art.

Last night, he said that I don't spend time with him. I didn't know that, I didn't know he wanted me to. He's always playing video games and since I'll sit around him sometimes, I thought I was spending time with him. Maybe we should set a date? Like a time where we scheduled to be together somewhere. Just, we don't have much money since our only income is my axolotls and I would like to get out of the house. What ideas are there for broke people?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thread closed.

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