[JarHead17]

Okay, so here it goes.
I have come to the time in my life where I want to have sex. My fiancee and I have talked about it and we are ready, we want to do this. Both of us a virgins, so it took a lot of talking.
However, there is a problem.
I'm afraid. It's not the pain or pregnancy, and I know he doesn't have STD's, so that isn't it. It's not lack of trust or love. Not the typical reasons for being nervous. It's the entering that freaks me out. I've done some reading, and tried tips that Doctors and other people have given, like trying to insert the smallest thing possible in there, like a pinky...but I just can't do it. I get really nervous and tense up when I put my fingers close to it. My fiancee has tried, and it was uncomfortable and I pushed him off. I don't know what it is or why I'm like this.
Help me.
Please.

[oxy-moron]

Get things all relaxed forst with maasage. 30 minutes at least. With maximum skin to skin contact.
This will boost Oxytocin and get you more ready mentally. Then get him to tease the entrance with his finger but with instuctions not to insert at all.
After a while you should get accustomed to the feeling and hopefully allow him to make slow progress.

[LanaBear]

I know it's hard, but you just do really have to try to relax. Engage in some great foreplay before so that you are wet and aroused and wanting to go further. Your nerves and being tense is really going to make it worse than it needs to be. Not saying the first time or heck, even the first handful of times is all that great, but it does get better and enjoyable. Make sure to have some lube if you need it. Really, all that can be suggested is to do your best to relax.

[cjane1]

You need to get more comfortable with your body or your not ready for such a big step in your life. Just make sure he is the right guy because you can't take it back and feel a horrible regret.

[lila]

You might have figured out a solution to your problem by now, but I'll just answer anyways.

I had the same problem, the first time me and my boyfriend tried we couldn't even get it in. What helped me was getting used to the feel of penetration while by myself. First I used a finger until that felt comfortable, then I used a dilator about two fingers width, next I moved on to a vibrator slightly bigger, always using lube of course. I did this every day for about 20 minutes. It will feel uncomfortable and hurt at first, but eventually your muscles will get used to the stretching and adjust to accommodate what is going in. Even the finger hurt at first, but you have to train yourself to relax and eventually your muscles will get used to it.

[Hugo-B]

I think they call this vaginismus.

I believe it is totally normal for girls in your situation, though can be induced by unpleasant sexual experiences.

I remember fooling around with a girl who was a virgin (only virgin I've ever been close with, I was 22 and she was 19) and she had exactly the same problem, I was apprehensive of even putting my entire finger in because the muscles were contracted so tightly. Going down on her for ages didn't help either. (I hadn't put any pressure on her, she actually asked to come home with me.)

It's no big deal, my understanding is that it's the equivalent of a man not being able to get an erection when he first tries to have sex (like I couldn't) or cumming super fast the first tim he does actually have sex (like I did). I think this is just one of those things that will suddenly disappear when you least expect it.

I like the advice you've been given so far, I can only share experience from a mans perspective. Is this guy pressurizing you at all? NEVER let a man talk/pressure/push you into ANYTHING you don't want to do. If you want to wait until you're 25, 26, 28 or whatever then wait, there's no shame in waiting to do this until YOU'RE ready. This is one decision in life you can make for yourself without having to listen to what anyone else thinks. Young men are bats&^t horny and won't be able to help themselves once they're near a woman, don't let him go ANY further than you're comfortable with, your body id yours alone and if he can't respect that kick his sorry *** into the curb. Have a good think about whether this guy is worthy of what you're considering sharing with him, and if he is start working through the advice above.

Good luck x